sirenspull | Entries tagged with !: szayel aporro granz

[One of these days, Szayel will "remember" to take Ishida off this filter.]

[Anyway, good afternoon, people of Las Noches. Today you a greeted with the face of your friendly resident evil genius. Instead of his usual holier than thou expression, he seems a bit miffed, and also slightly concerned. There's an obvious air of wanting to accuse a certain someone of something, but he isn't about to do that just yet.]

I seem to have lost an item of a personal nature. Has anyone happened to come across any devices that don't belong to them?

[...because that is as delicate as he can put it without directly saying someone took his vibrator and he wants it back now please.]

scienceshow

[This starts out as just your average message from your resident cotton candy creeper. He was going to warn all you simpletons that obviously do not posses an ounce of logic that eating candy off the street is bad for you, and you probably shouldn't do it, especially since he's been trying to study just what these candies are made out of.]

[That is, he was going to do that, until he's suddenly jumped from behind. Luppi can be seen grabbing the Octava from the back, forcing his head back and cramming something small and green down the evil genius' throat. In the next moment he's gone, suddenly disappearing from the room to the accompaniment of static, and leaving Szayel draped over the back of his chair in a daze.]

[It's a long moment before Szayel finally lifts himself up... and instead of cotton candy pink, his hair is now BRIGHT LIME GREEN. It takes him a moment to realize this too, and its only when a lock of hair falls into his face does his eyes suddenly go comically wide.]

LUPPI ANTENOR!!!

[...what's worse is he has the extreme urge to hump wood... and he means that literally.]

scienceshow

[Hello, SP. Your resident mad genius has decided to grace you all with his presence.]

The sheer number of you complaining about this illness has gotten on my nerves. Therefore, out of the goodness of my heart -- and for the sake of hearing something different on the NV network -- I am volunteering my services and my intelligence to find a way to end this epidemic.

[Yeah, complete asshole alert! ...and then he turns serious. Because this is serious.]

That being said, I will require an individual to volunteer themselves for experimentation. I am only extending this request to Newcomers. I cannot guarantee this will be a successful process, nor can I guarantee it will be without pain. I cannot even guarantee your life. What I can guarantee is that I will not rest until I find the solution for this disease, no matter how many times I have to kill you to do it.

That being said: yes, this is a serious request. No, I don't expect just anyone to volunteer for it. I suggest you seriously consider it before even replying to this message.

scienceshow

[The video comes on to incoherent yelling, though the screen is blocked by fingers that definitely don't belong to Szayel. The owner of the fingers finally moves them out of the screen's view, revealing the mad genius... surrounded by a small group of young women, trying to claw off his clothing. It's no surprised that Szayel looks absolutely livid, though that's not stopping the fan girls...]

[And they're not calling him Szayel. They're calling him Le'yazs.]

I've got his NV!

I've got a glove! I've got Le'yazs's glove!

I think I've got a boot...!

[Szayel finally let out a scream, actually throwing one of the women off of him. The NV doesn't show where she lands, but it's enough to scatter the whole mob. The woman with Szayel's NV drops it, though it still gets him yelling after them.]

DON'T YOU WOMEN HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN READ SUCH INSIPID TRASH FROM A TWO-BIT WRITER?!

[The NV catches an enraged scream that sounds mysteriously like, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU LUPPI," before the video times out in the middle of it.]

scienceshow

[The video was obviously intentionally started, though Szayel is hardly paying any attention to his NV. His focus is flitting back and forth between a few newspapers and his computer, frowning at both. This continues for a moment before he finally speaks, though he still doesn't look up at the screen.]

What precisely is a former scientist suppose to do in this city, when they no longer wish to work their genius for someone else?

[He tosses one paper out; a clear disappointment to his high standards.]

This is completely vexing. I have no idea what to do...

scienceshow

[Szayel's been pretty quiet since the trial ended; not hard to see why, as even he sees the sense in keeping a low profile after all that. Still, the residents of Nueva Las Noches are the first to know that something is up, when there's a loud thump in his room, followed by a shrill shriek that could only belong to the pink haired mad genius. There's a lot more thumping, awkward sounding, like someone's limping around...]

[...and this is the point the rest of the port gets to see why. The screen comes on the NVs, half dark, though if one squints, they could see kitten teeth against the screen. The other half of it shows a very good view of Szayel limping around, holding his crotch in pain.]

[Clearly, someone got a morning introduction to kitten claws in the worst way possible.]

Bad! Give that--!

[The screen is jostled about as the kitten shoots away from Szayel, and finally comes back into normal focus, up above the scientist. He let out an enraged noise, practically flailing.]

LUPPI! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING MY CHILDREN IN MY ABSENCE!?!