phazeandblood: (YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING RIGHT?)
[personal profile] phazeandblood
[The NV shifts on to show a large furry creature kneeling down in front of it, trying to make sure it turned on properly.]

No. Fucking. Way. Egbert, if you don't take that back I'm kicking you out of my room and you can go watch your shitty movies by yourself. I'll put up with a lot of your retarded bullshit because I'm sure you've been hit on your head enough to cause substantial brain damage but not even a sledge hammer to the face can excuse you for being that delusional.

[The voice comes from behind him, and as Z is sure the NV is recording properly he grins and moves out of the way. The view is of a somewhat clean bedroom, the only mess being the pile of movies that the two teenage boys are sitting next to. John's back is to the NV and it appears Karkat's too busy looking personally offended and glaring to notice what Z is up to.]

What! Nicolas Cage is better than Will Smith, I am just being honest here. I'm sure you trolls would think so if you'd ever actually heard of him before you met us humans.

No. No a thousand fucking times over. From what I've seen by comparing human Will Smith to Troll Will Smith I'm pretty damned sure that human Nic Cage is just as god awful as Troll Nic Cage and he doesn't have shit on the beautiful art that is everything Will Smith touches.
Cut for length )
[Karkat scoffs and pauses, the light from the NV catching his eye as he finally realizes it's on.]

Z, what the hell-No, you know what? This is perfect. Hey assholes, any of you that know anything about movies or good cinema who do you think is better - Will Smith or Nicholas Cage? We'll put this shit up to a vote and see who's right.

[John pauses to turn around to see what Karkat's talking about and just grins and gives a wave when he sees it's recording.]

Nic Cage FTW!

[And just before the video cuts out, Karkat smacks him in the arm for trying to sway people's votes.]
phazeandblood: (TROLLIAN)
[personal profile] phazeandblood
INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR TOLERANCE.
INTER. FUCKING. NATIONAL. DAY. FOR. TOLERANCE.
AN ENTIRE DAY DEDICATED TO TOLERATING OTHERS WHO ARE DIFFERENT.
YOU KNOW, ONLY ONE OUT OF ALL THE OTHER DAYS OF THE YEAR WHERE IT'S APPARENTLY JUST FUCKING FINE TO BE AS INTOLERANT AS YOU WANT SO LONG AS YOU PLAY NICE ONE SPECIAL DAY OUT OF THE YEAR.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH YOU HUMANS THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO FUCKING *BEGIN*.
I THINK I LITERALLY JUST HAD A RAGE ANEURYSM AT THE SHEER FUCKING HYPOCRISY THAT'S BLEEDING OVER EVERYTHING THAT'S UNDERLYING IN THAT IMPLICATION.
I'M NOT GOING TO GO THERE, NOT EVEN GOING TO FUCKING TOUCH THAT BECAUSE GOD FORBID I END UP SOUNDING LIKE THE ONE PERSON I HATE MORE THAN MYSELF.
WHAT LITTLE HOPE I HAD IN YOUR RACE BEING SOMEWHAT INTELLIGENT AS A WHOLE IS NOW DEAD AND GONE, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
phazeandblood: (You don't need permission)
[personal profile] phazeandblood
[Here's a first, Karkat's actually saying fuck text all together right off the bat and just going with video. His apartment isn't really anything to brag about behind him, just a bunch of scattered DVD's and a strange purple pod thing with green slime in it viewable behind the couch off to the side of the screen.]

I've heard about and done some research regarding this upcoming human holiday, and it seems like a bunch of conflicting stories and bullshit. Doesn't this entire thing defeat the purpose of people telling their kids not to take candy from strangers? Like "Hey dumbass don't take candy from someone you don't know in case they're trying to kill or rape you or something. Unless it's the last day of that month, then dress up in a pretty costume for the nice serial killer rapist and take whatever they give you."

Seriously, what the fuck humans?

[He shakes his head, because seriously. Seriously he does not understand you humans.]

That bullshit aside, I'm kind of looking forward to the parties that come with it, never celebrated any human holidays before but I've seen them in a lot of movies and they look interesting. So who can tell me more about those?

[He almost goes to turn off his NV, but seems to remember something.]

Oh yeah. Hey, Naruto, that's your name right? Come on asshole, the injury is healed and you owe me a fight.
phazeandblood: (TROLLIAN)
[personal profile] phazeandblood
WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BULLSHIT BETTER PRAY I NEVER GET MY HANDS ON THEM.
THIS IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY.
THIS IS LESS FUNNY THAN THAT CANDY CORN BULLSHIT STUNT GOD DAMMIT.
I JUST KEEP GETTING REMINDED OVER AND OVER WHY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO BE HELLBENT ON MAKING MY LIFE AS MISERABLE AS POSSIBLE IN WHATEVER CRAZY WAYS THEY CAN MANAGE.

...

SCATTY, I NEED YOU TO COME TO MY APARTMENT AS SOON AS FUCKING POSSIBLE.
ornerycaps: (DOWN ♋ tell me i own you)
[personal profile] ornerycaps
YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE A CURE FOR ALL THIS SPREADING SICKNESS ALREADY.
IT MUST BE SPREADING LIKE THE SPARKLEDUST THAT EVERYONE LIKES SO MUCH UNTIL THE CROWD GOES INTO ALARM FROM THE TERRORIZING RASH THAT INEVITABLY PRESENTS ITSELF WITH A HOT PIPING PLATE OF FUCK YOU.
IN THIS CASE THE SPARKLEDUST IS ONE OF THOSE LIGHT CAGES THAT LURES THE POOR SOON TO BE DEVASTATED TINY BUZZER THAT BUZZES AROUND LIKE EVERYTHING IS THEIR BUSINESS.
BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD THING, THIS IS JUST A MASSIVE PILE OF SHIT.
ADMIT IT, THE HOSPITAL IS NOTHING BUT A GATHERING OF THE SADDEST PUDDLES OF FLUID ACCUMULATING ON THE FLOOR AS WE SPEAK, FLOODING THE WHOLE STAFF WITH THEIR SICK OOZE GATHERED INTO A SHIT HOLE OF A RESPITEBLOCK.
I FORGOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS, I'M SURE EVEN AFTER ALL THAT I'LL JUST GET A BUNCH OF LUNATICS ASKING FOR MORE LAB SQUEAKERS TO TEST ON.
IN THAT CASE FUCK YOU.

more caps lock -- cast stuff )

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