001 ♋ TEXT

[phazeandblood]

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO QUESTION HOW THE FUCK THIS WORLD MADE ME A BRAND NEW CRABTOP SPECIALLY FOR THIS ASSBACKWARDS CITY BECAUSE KNOWING MY EXTRAORDINARY SHITTY LUCK THE MOMENT I LOOK THE GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH IT'S GOING TO VOMIT PUTRID WASTE ALL OVER MY FACE AND THEN LAUGH. I WILL BE SITTING HERE COVERED IN HYPOTHETICAL HORSE VOMIT THAT WILL STAIN MY CLOTHES AND I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUT THE SMELL OF PURE DEATH AND FECES FROM WHATEVER THE FUCK A HORSE FROM THIS CITY OF HELL WOULD EAT.
AND SIREN'S PORT? REALLY? COME THE FUCK ON, WHAT KIND OF HOOFBEASTSHIT IRONIC NAME IS THAT? OH HA FUCKING HA IT'S LIKE A SIREN RIGHT? THOSE SHITTY SEA BITCHES WHO LURE PEOPLE AND THEN HORRIBLE SLAUGHTER THEM SO THEY'RE NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. REAL FUCKING CLEVER BULGELICKERS! WHOEVER CAME UP WITH SUCH A GOD AWFUL NAME LIKE THAT NEEDS TO HAVE THEIR SQUISHY INSIDES FORCIBLY RIPPED OUT THROUGH THEIR WASTE SHOOTS AND THEN BE FORCED TO EAT IT ALL DOWN AGAIN NO MATTER HOW MUCH BLOOD AND OTHER BODILY FLUIDS HAPPEN TO BE COVERING IT.
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DIDN'T QUITE GET THE ENTIRE POINT BEHIND THAT LOVELY EXPRESSION LET ME PUT IT IN MORE SIMPLE TERMS FOR YOU THINKPAN OR BRAIN DAMAGED NOOKSNIFFERS.
FUCK THIS CITY AND FUCK WHOEVER CREATED IT.
HOW THE HELL DO I GET HOME?
FUCK, HOW THE HELL DO I GET BACK TO THE LAST PLACE THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO DROP ME EVEN?
BECAUSE DESPITE THE ANNOYING AS SHIT OVERLY PEPPY BULGESTAINS THAT LIVED THERE IT WAS A LOT MORE TOLERABLE AND LESS FUCKED UP THAN THIS PLACE. I'M WILLING TO GO WITH ANYTHING THAT CAN GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
BUT NO WAIT, LET ME GUESS.
SORRY KARKAT, YOU MIGHT AS WELL KISS YOUR PATHETIC ASS GOODBYE BECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY BE EATEN BY THE MUTATED BEASTS FROM HELL BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN PICTURE YOURSELF BACK ON THAT SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A METEOR OR EVEN SHITTIER LITTLE HOTEL WITH THAT GROUP OF ASSHOLES.
OKAY, NO. NOT GOING TO LET THIS PLACE GET THE BEST OF ME AND I AM NOT GIVING UP THAT EASILY.
JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET BY IN THIS PUTRID HELLHOLE UNTIL I CAN SUCCESSFULLY FIND MY WAY BACK ON MY OWN.
ASIDE FROM THE SHIT THAT WAS FUCKING SHOVED DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE WHEN I ARRIVED BECAUSE A LOT OF FUCKING HELP THAT DOES. LIKE HELL I'M GOING TO LET MYSELF GET IN DEBT WITH THESE SHADY FUCKING ASSHOLES HERE.
AND WHILE I'M BEING RESPONSIBLE HERE I'M OFFICIALLY REDECLARING MYSELF LEADER OF ANY AND ALL ASSHOLES WHO HAPPEN TO BE FROM MY WORLD. BECAUSE ANY GOD FUCKING KNOWS NONE OF YOU NOOKSTAINS CAN DO JACK SHIT WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A CLUCKBEAST WITH IT'S HEAD RIPPED OFF.
TO PUT IT IN WORDS ANYONE CAN UNDERSTAND THIS ONLY APPLIES TO ANY ASSHOLES WHO'VE HEARD OF OR PLAYED SGRUB OR THE MORE INFERIOR AND RETARDED SOUNDING VERSION SBURB.

Comments

[gunsling]

Is that how the port got stuck with the name?
I was completely convinced it was named after the nightly sirens but that wouldnt make a lick of sense i cant imagine those were here before the island was founded.
And whats all this about sburb?

[phazeandblood]

I DON'T KNOW AND I HONESTLY DO NOT GIVE ENOUGH FUCKS TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH BEHIND IT. I'M JUST MAKING AN EDUCATED ASSUMPTION HERE.
AND OF FUCKING COURSE IT WOULD BE AN ASSHOLE FROM THE HUMAN'S SCRATCHED SESSION, THAT'S MY FUCKING LUCK.
JAKE ENGLISH, RIGHT?
YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE IT NO LONGER FUCKING MATTERS.
I AM NOW YOUR LEADER AND YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING IN THSI NIGHTMARISH PISS POOR EXCUSE FOR A TOWN.

[gunsling]

You remember me!
I have to say im impressed its been awhile since the two of us last had a chance to chat.
But i have no idea what youre talking about with that leader malarkey.
You might be someones leader but you sure as hells name arent mine!!
I dont feel obligated to single question unless im feeling agreeable which i am and let me tell you i havent got a clue as to why im stuck on this stupid island after the rest of you all left.

[phazeandblood]

I REMEMBER YOU BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF PEIXES, WHICH GRANTED WAS AMUSING CONSIDERING HOW LITTLE FUCKS SHE GAVE AT THE TIME. AND YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF AND GENERALLY MAKING A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF BEFORE WAKING UP. BUT THERE WERE NO CHATS TO BE HAD AS FAR AS I KNOW.
NOW YOU'RE GOING TO STOP AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING YOU JUST FUCKING SAID BECAUSE YOU LOST ME ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I THINK I KNOW WHERE HARLEY GOT HER STUBBORN AS FUCK ATTITUDE FROM.

[gunsling]

Wait who now?
Whos peixes and what did she even do to get me that worked up???

Voice;

[fluffybeard]

You appear to be very angry.

[Cause he likes to point out the obviously.]

text;

[phazeandblood]

OH FUCK, SERIOUSLY?
WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STUNNING REVELATION THAT'S BEEN THROW AT ME HERE, IT'S GOING TO TAKE A MINUTE FOR SUCH A SHOCKING FUCKING FACT TO SINK DEEP INTO MY THINKPAN.
I COULDN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE WHY I'D BE ANGRY WHEN SOME ASSHOLES JUST DECIDED THAT WHAT THEY WANTED FROM ME WAS OBVIOUSLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE SHIT I WAS TRYING TO GET DONE BACK HOME.
DROPPING ME IN A CITY WHERE HELL CRAWLS OUT OF THE SHIT INFESTED GUTTERS EVERY GOD DAMNED NIGHT IS CLEARLY AN OCCURRENCE I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TOWARDS.

Voice;

[fluffybeard]

Ahhhhh. Wait till you learn about people from different points in time and people who are dead coming back to life and all the other merry things we have to rejoice in here.

[He chuckles. Oh.... Karkat. Meet a human troll.]

text;

[phazeandblood]

WHICH YOU SAY AS IF THAT SHIT IS SUPPOSED TO BE NEW TO ME AND NOT SOMETHING WE HAD TO DEAL WITH BACK HOME.

Voice;

[fluffybeard]

Well isn't that interesting.

[Now, onto what he really wanted to ask.]

I know this is a ridiculously long shot, are you a child Qun'ari? Your little horns are very cute compared to the monstrous thing they become.

permatext.

[symmachy]

Spewing capslock at us isn't going to help you, for the record.

[phazeandblood]

AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A FUCK TO GIVE HERE?

[symmachy]

Giving one or two might help you stay alive.

[phazeandblood]

TOO BAD I SEEM TO BE FRESH OUT. I'LL BE SURE TO LET SOMEONE KNOW IF I MANAGE TO FIND A COUPLE, I'M SURE THEY'RE THE UTMOST FUCKING IMPORTANCE HERE.

[symmachy]

You do that.
And for the record, you can't go back.

permatext

[reassures]

How did you get from a meteor to a hotel?

[Not that she hasn't heard of travel between worlds, but that sounds like a stretch.]

[phazeandblood]

BULLSHIT SHENANIGANS.

[reassures]

[...She doesn't know how to feel about the fact that that actually makes perfect sense.]

Oh.

If you're careful you won't have to worry about being eaten, though.

[phazeandblood]

THAT'S REALLY NOT ONE OF MY CONCERNS HERE.

[reassures]

It's a little hard to tell what your concerns are. You posted a huge block of text.

You can't get home though. That isn't really something you can do anything about.

text

[circumsutus]

[Oh it's this guy. Stein remembers this guy. They had a conversation.]

Welcome back.

text

[phazeandblood]

NO, FUCK THAT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO HEAR IN THIS SITUATION.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I WAS HERE BEFORE, OR WHICH OTHER FUCKASSES WERE HERE.
PAST ME IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BULGESTAIN ANYWAYS AND I IN NO WAY WISH TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH HIM.
SO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

text

[circumsutus]

It's always a good idea to get context on a situation, especially if you've been here before.

text

[phazeandblood]

WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS HERE BEFORE?

text

[circumsutus]

Do you know who's out to kill you?