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[ It's always a shocker when your metabolism slows, particularly when you're a Death God. Grell has been rail-thin his entire existence; but an unfortunate combination of a sedentary lifestyle (he had previously been reaping souls for a living) and a massive bout of Gluttony has left him with…

Well. You know how skinny guys, when they gain weight, stay skinny everywhere except… ]

The man of my dreams proposes, and I look like THIS~! I can't walk down the aisle looking like a pregnant bride!

Ah cruel, cruel fate!

[ His strategy, thus far, has been to stop eating entirely, subsisting on a diet of coffee and breath mints. Unsurprisingly, this has had little effect on his physique. Thus in a fit of pique, desperation, and caffeine-induced bad judgement, he is appealing to the Network: ]

How d'you lose weight in a hurry? I'll try anything!

[ And yes, this is how Grell is announcing his engagement! ]

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WHY DID YOU TELL WILLIAM I HAD PARASITES?!

Well - you do, don't you?

NO! Do you listen all ALL? I never said I had any!

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Ugh. Gross.

Why did you post a video of yourself like this? To better appeal to our sense of decency to help tame your engorged form?

[ Hand held DRAMATICALLY to his forehead. ]

Ah, me! I just want to go back to my sylph-like, lovely form~!

You should try protein bars. The kind they sell at health stores. Eat at least five of them a day.

With plenty of water.

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[look, okay, all the other topics of this post can go fuck themselves, all that matters is - ]

The dress.

Who is making the dress.

[ Grell stares at Uryuu wide-eyed - and then collapses into shrieking waaaaaaaails! ]

How am I going to wear a dress looking like this?

Stop crying. There are always girdles.

I need to know if you've picked a designer yet.

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Bride?

Yes!

[ Happy squeal, despite his current difficulties. ]

Ooooh, and I've decided - you're to be the maid of honour!

How can I be your maid of honor?!

I'm not a maid!

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[ Listening in on Grell's overly dramatic broadcast from the kitchen. He calls out. ]

Why do you need to lose weight in a hurry? You made it exceedingly clear to me that we could not get married right away.

[ Turning from his NV: ]

But if I don't go back to looking adorable and cute...

You might change your mind!

I already told you, I do not care about your weight.

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Try Pilates?

When is the wedding?

What's "Pilates"?

Is that a brand of, er, protein bar?

[ YEP LOKI IS A MEAN GIRL ]

We haven't set a date yet, William keeps making noises about next week, but obviously that's too soon!

Ah, no. It's a type of exercise, but any kind of physical activity will benefit you. And, of course, eat well.

[Pause.] I wouldn't stress about it though. You shouldn't lose weight for someone else. You should lose it because you want to feel better about yourself, and healthier.

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threakjacking

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threadjacking back!

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[Just this face.]

[ Grell sees your face, and will raise you a smug, triumphant look! ]

Is he marrying you because you're knocked up?

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You are a bride?

[The magical girl ordeal was one thing but... a bride? Genesis' expression is visibly befuddled.]

Sorry to disappoint you, sweetie~♥

But, as they say, there's lots of fish in the sea.

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Placenta.

Hunh~?

permavoice!

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DONE

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omg i can't

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