Video ☆

[deathknellgrell]

[ It's always a shocker when your metabolism slows, particularly when you're a Death God. Grell has been rail-thin his entire existence; but an unfortunate combination of a sedentary lifestyle (he had previously been reaping souls for a living) and a massive bout of Gluttony has left him with…

Well. You know how skinny guys, when they gain weight, stay skinny everywhere except… ]

The man of my dreams proposes, and I look like THIS~! I can't walk down the aisle looking like a pregnant bride!

Ah cruel, cruel fate!

[ His strategy, thus far, has been to stop eating entirely, subsisting on a diet of coffee and breath mints. Unsurprisingly, this has had little effect on his physique. Thus in a fit of pique, desperation, and caffeine-induced bad judgement, he is appealing to the Network: ]

How d'you lose weight in a hurry? I'll try anything!

[ And yes, this is how Grell is announcing his engagement! ]

Comments

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[doeswhathewants]

Ugh. Gross.

Why did you post a video of yourself like this? To better appeal to our sense of decency to help tame your engorged form?

[deathknellgrell]

[ Hand held DRAMATICALLY to his forehead. ]

Ah, me! I just want to go back to my sylph-like, lovely form~!

[doeswhathewants]

You should try protein bars. The kind they sell at health stores. Eat at least five of them a day.

With plenty of water.

[deathknellgrell]

...but if I eat anything, won't that make things worse?

[ Eye TWITCH! Caffeine, you know... ]

[doeswhathewants]

Oh no, of course not.

Eating nothing will make you fatter. Your body will cling to the stores it already has because it will think you are starving.

But, should you eat those bars- a lot of those bars- they will burn up all the fat. [Loki is a Mean Girl.]

[deathknellgrell]

So - the more of these bars I eat, the more fat I'll lose?

[doeswhathewants]

Oh yes. Guaranteed.

[deathknellgrell]

I'll eat a dozen a day! I'll choke them down!

[doeswhathewants]

You'll have your girlish figure back in no time, then.

[deathknellgrell]

Thank you, darling~!

--what's your name, by the way?

[doeswhathewants]

Uh- Wade. Wade Wilson.

[deathknellgrell]

Charmed, I'm sure~♥

I'm Grell Sutcliff, how d'you do?

[doeswhathewants]

Well met, Grell Sutcliff.

Uh- I am busy being a solid and upstanding citizen of Siren's Port.

[deathknellgrell]

As am I ☆

[doeswhathewants]

Well, my heartiest congratulations on the wedding. My the goddess of fidelity smile down on your union. And remember, eat as many bars a day as you can for maximum weight loss!

[deathknellgrell]

Thank you, Wade. I will~!