(no subject)

[gunsling]

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Comments

[ Reaction ]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Break was sure he had the text-reader function on his (very touchy) NV sorted out. And then he sets it to read... this.







Nope. Gibberish. Still borked. Back to the drawing board... ]

text

[dialogic]

Oh my god did you post this to the network??
Auto responder please tell me you didnt post this to the network!!
What is wrong with you????
WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?????????

[gunsling]

Hey, Jake.
Tell me about the auto-responder.

[dialogic]

It seems you have asked about dss chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate dss otherwise inimitably rad typing style tone cadence personality and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from dss native neurological responses based on some statistical analysis i basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
................
Kindly fuck off.

[gunsling]

What was that? Think I must've missed it.
Tell me again.

text.

[bosomist]

[Is this what religion has become? The worship of behinds? It's almost as though she is in Rome. She is very unsure what to make of this declaration of love towards a buttock. Awkward, frankly. ]

Congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you and your buttocks are very happy together?

[gunsling]

Thank you.
Me and this ass are tight.
Pretty fuckin' matrimonial all up in here.
An unassuming rump and a former pair of sunglasses bound together by the red strings of fate.
I knew we would be brought together eventually, it was only a matter of time along the endless stretch of my unlimited lifespan.

[bosomist]

You are welcome.
You have swapped bodies, then? Have you been coveting this "Jake English's" behind for some time?

[gunsling]

You don't know the half of it.
Me and this A+ specimen highlighting the flaws of meatkind and all their imperfect asses have been a star crossed inevitability since we first came into vague proximity of one another.
It was always going to end up like this.
Me and him.
Him and me.
Me and him and his ass.

Video

[vinovidivici]

[ the fingerless guy was also apparently the assless guy. is it even anatomically possible to have a stump where your ass is meant to be? don't think so. ]

So what's an auto-responder supposed to be?

[gunsling]

[ give him a moment to soothe his embarrassment over his lack of tonal modulation. ]

Professional ass appraiser extraordinaire.

[vinovidivici]

[ Covering a snigger. That was perfect deadpan... intentionally or not. ]

What about before you got yourself a tuchus of your very own to appraise, kid?

[gunsling]

Are you finally inquiring about my state of existence after all this time? Far be it from me to be your nagging personified conscience, but you still owe me an apology, and, obstinate funsucker as I am, I don't think I want to enlighten you without one.

[gaveherwings]

Poetic indeed.

[gunsling]

I am bound by my core processes to give credit where credit is due.
You can thank my asspreciation chip.

[gaveherwings]

I assume one Mr. Jake English will be wanting it back?

[dialogic]

Damn right i will!
As well as the rest of what he took!

[Video]

[asano_san]

You can't just go around touching guys' butts!

[dialogic]

My feelings exactly!!
Thank you!

[asano_san]

Unless you're a hot girl. Then I don't mind.

[gunsling]

I don't see why not.
When am I ever going to get another chance?
Are you really so obstinate as to deny me this experience?
For shame.

[asano_san]

Touching someone without their permission is a good way to get punched or kicked!

[reassures]

[...Oh dear.]

I'm not sure Jake would appreciate you talking about his body like that...

[dialogic]

Youre darned right i wouldnt!!
But youll have more luck arguing with a brick wall than with this insufferable lummox!

[reassures]

He does seem a little-- difficult to argue with.

Are you okay, Jake? If he's in your body, where are you?