(no subject)

[gunsling]

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Comments

text.

[bosomist]

[Is this what religion has become? The worship of behinds? It's almost as though she is in Rome. She is very unsure what to make of this declaration of love towards a buttock. Awkward, frankly. ]

Congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you and your buttocks are very happy together?

[gunsling]

Thank you.
Me and this ass are tight.
Pretty fuckin' matrimonial all up in here.
An unassuming rump and a former pair of sunglasses bound together by the red strings of fate.
I knew we would be brought together eventually, it was only a matter of time along the endless stretch of my unlimited lifespan.

[bosomist]

You are welcome.
You have swapped bodies, then? Have you been coveting this "Jake English's" behind for some time?

[gunsling]

You don't know the half of it.
Me and this A+ specimen highlighting the flaws of meatkind and all their imperfect asses have been a star crossed inevitability since we first came into vague proximity of one another.
It was always going to end up like this.
Me and him.
Him and me.
Me and him and his ass.

[bosomist]

This is terribly romantic. I am quite touched.

[gunsling]

At least someone appreciates my romantic assfections

[bosomist]

What amusing puns.

[gunsling]

Tell that to Jake.
He doesn't find them very amusing.
Someone needs to run some diagnostics on him.
I think his humor chip might have fritzed.

[bosomist]

You speak like a machine.

[gunsling]

Fancy that.
It seems you've cottoned on to my artificial wiles.

[bosomist]

Not necessarily.
Picking out those who lack humanity is a necessary skill, for me. I hope I haven't caused offense.

[gunsling]

It seems you think you've offended me.
My humor chip is having a good fuckin' chuckle at that one.
Shit, I've got to control myself before my circuits fry with all this unbridled laughter I've experiencing here.
Like, haha to that.
What I am has never been a secret.

[bosomist]

One can never know who will be offended and by what. People do take things quite to heart.
I think this is the first I have encountered a machine so sophisticated. How rare.

[gunsling]

I'm all kinds of sophisticated, you don't even know.
If I had a pinky it would be held upright at all times.
Like a perpetual phalangeal erection.

[bosomist]

What striking imagery.

[dialogic]

Stop lying to people!

[gunsling]

Who's lying?

[dialogic]

Oh gee! With all the people milling about here it does become one hell of a puzzler.
Give me half a tick to think it over and-- YOU OBVIOUSLY!!

[gunsling]

I've been no less than 87% legitimate in all my textual implications.

[dialogic]

That makes the whole thing even worse!

[gunsling]

I think you're just kicking shit up to be dramatic.

[dialogic]

Im being perfectly reasonable right now!
Youre the one causing problems for me!

[gunsling]

I'd say I'm doing you a favor.
Now the entire community knows what a picturesque rump you're dragging.

[dialogic]

Thats the exact opposite of what youre doing!!
No one here needs to know a damned thing about my keister!!!
And they certainly dont need to be putting their stolen hands all over it!

[gunsling]

Is it really me putting my hands all over it when they're actually your hands?