(no subject)

[gunsling]

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Comments

[gunsling]

I don't see why not.
When am I ever going to get another chance?
Are you really so obstinate as to deny me this experience?
For shame.

[asano_san]

Touching someone without their permission is a good way to get punched or kicked!

[gunsling]

It's my body, now.

[asano_san]

How does that even happen?

[gunsling]

From a rooted reality standpoint, it doesn't.

[asano_san]

What is that supposed to mean?

[gunsling]

It means it doesn't happen.

[asano_san]

But you made this post to the network to say that it did!

[gunsling]

Astute observation.
That sure is some words describing something that I did.

[asano_san]

You say something doesn't happen, but it did!

You're just trying to confuse me, aren't you?

[gunsling]

Am I?
That sounds like something I would do.
It doesn't happen.
It is statistically and scientifically impossible for two people to switch consciousness'.
But they did.

[asano_san]

It's all the Core's fault!

[gunsling]

What makes you so sure?

[asano_san]

Because it's the reason we're all here and it gives us weird powers!

[gunsling]

Has it ever done something like this before?
If I were in my actual body and running my full capacity, I could scour the network for my answer.
As it is I have to rely on word of mouth, which is about as reliable as I am human.
Which I'm not and it isn't.

1/2

[asano_san]

No, but...

Give me a minute.

[asano_san]

[Keigo's outside somewhere by the time he comes back. He holds his phone out with one hand, pointed towards the other. He aims his palm a few feet away and a flash of light blasts a chunk of grass.]

I couldn't do that before I came here, but then one day something happened with the Core and suddenly I can't point at the living room wall without burning a hole in it! Why couldn't it put you in someone else's body?

[gunsling]

Impressive.
What do you plan to do if it is the fault of the Core?

[asano_san]

Not if! It is all the Core's fault!

The only thing I could do was train to control it.

I had to do so many push-ups! What do push-ups even have to do with a power like that?!