sirenspull | (no subject)

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Will you?
That's pretty dedicated of you.

Would you not--
Dont word it like that!

Have it your way.
Tell me about the auto-responder.
Make it snappy.

It seems you have asked about dss chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate dss otherwise inimitably rad typing style tone cadence personality and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from dss native neurological responses based on some statistical analysis i basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
STOP IT!!!!!

The feeling of being inside of you exceeded all my previous expectations.

Ugh!
Well i can safely say that being stuck in your body AS IN ACTUALLY BEING YOU has been nothing but a huge pain in the ass that you wont shut the frigging hell up about!

I don't have a tangible body, Jake.
You can be anything you want.
Where are you housed now?

Which im sure is easy for a guy whos had years of practice.
Its not like ive spent my entire life bumming around as a pair of overly pointy eyewear.
Which coincidentally is exactly where i happen to be right now.

I'll wager you're in the spare pair instead of the ones possessed by Dirk's example of a fine visage.
I doubt you know what you're doing, and having Dirk privy to all your AI-based anguish doesn't sound like your style.
I would say wait there, but I guess I don't have to tell you.

I have that to be thankful for if nothing else!
The last place i want to be is on dirk striders smug mug while dealing with his asshole of a computer self.