1% of a moment; video

[aggravating]

-before sirens on the 6th-


Hi. [Why look, Siren's Port, this is one very annoyed person on your NV's today. All bruised and bumped and covered in grass stains. The norm of those who just fell through the sky. Again.] I'm Tony Stark. And for those of you who may not have noticed, we've been blatantly kidnapped. I've been told this is, uh, not something new, here? That some people have been living in the magical land of Stockholm Syndrome for years without actually realizing just how bad it is?

[His bullshit meter just hit so high it practically punched a hole through the stratosphere, guys]

I need three things. First, the nearest Starbucks and not whatever coffee equivalent Canada's pushing out. I will practically marry you if you can supply me with a coffee IV drip right now. Second, access to a computer for three days straight. And it cannot be some crappy brick from 1997 that still thinks Internet Explorer is too advanced to run up to speed. Third: information on any and all major businesses that have even the slightest interest in technology advancement.

[He reaches up a hand to rub two fingers against his temple, a headache more than just coming on.] Get to it, Port. And remember: Coffee. First.

Comments

voice

[hejhej]

[nope not getting a hold of her computer go away]

I might know a guy for a computer.

voice

[aggravating]

Thank god there are actually useful people here.

[He is so not impressed by the general populace so far.]

What system?

[Video]

[needtobecleaned]

A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark.

[Sending files: map.png and map.doc with highlighted coffee shop locations.]

An intravenous drip of coffee would be detrimental to your health but I have sent files regarding locations that you can purchase coffee.

As to your second request, computers can easily be purchased at various shops. If you do not already have the funds to purchase one, there are several people who would be willing to provide the funds, including myself.

And thirdly, either AGI or SERO could provide necessary information regarding it. SERO is likely your best choice however many other Newcomers recommend not affiliating with either company.

[Video]

[aggravating]

[.... He loves you already, strange blue-haired girl.]

Oh thank God. And trust me, I've had worse things than coffee in my bloodstream. Pretty sure my body would actually welcome it.

You give me a loan for a computer I swear I can double and pay you back within a week.

[But you're hitting him right in the curiosity, even as he checks out those files, already mentally mapping the path to the nearest Starbucks]

AGI and SERO, huh? Sound like generic big brands. Have any more info on them?

[video]

[hungryanhorny]

Don't look at me, T. Just got here.

You get a heads up on that coffee yet?

[video]

[aggravating]

T? [Said incredulously because wow he hasn't heard nicknames like that being popular since, like, the nineties.]

More than, actually. You a connoisseur?

[video]

[got_it_memorized]

Friend of mine owns a coffee place, but I'm not sure they're qualified to administer it intravenously.

[video]

[aggravating]

If they're willing to try, I can take care of the IV drip.

[It's sad how serious he seems to be about this, huh?]

[Video | Unhackable | Private]

[magnetic_magpie]

[The video opens up showing a gleaming 32 cup professional coffee pot.]

And yes Mr. Stark, it's full.

[The camera spins and older man - looking about fifty - with pure white hair, tied back in a queue, piercing blue-grey eyes, three day old scruff that almost looks like a snowy beard, and dark circles under his eyes swings into focus. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. However he is dangling a red and gold head piece about three-fourths the way completed and and entire right arm - all thanks to the first time Tony Stark showed in the Port.]

You're also terribly under-dressed.

[Video | Unhackable | Private]

[aggravating]

[The first half of that video had Tony's mouth watering and his eyes lighting up because holy shit that coffee pot. All ready to go and steaming and wow he was caffeine deprived already.

... but then the camera spins, and after Tony sweeps his gaze over the man and no warning bells or nagging familiarity is kicked off, he lets his gaze focus in on the head piece and arm he's holding up, snapping back up to stare at the camera on his end, knowing full well it'll translate as if he's staring the guy right in the eyes.]

I was going for business casual today. [He arches an eyebrow] Mind telling me how you got a hold of that?

[Video]

[thelittlestbub]

Well, Mr. Stark, I not only have all three.

[Check out the cappuccino machine behind her!]

But, I might be able to answer even more of your questions. But, first, you have to answer one of mine. What's the last thing you remember?

[Video]

[aggravating]

[Okay, monogamy is overrated when so many people have coffee just waiting for him.

But ah the catches. He's getting progressively more suspicious of those.]

... Yeah, not gonna answer that until you tell me why it matters.

Permavideo

[doeswhathewants]

Literal coffee IV drip?

Permavideo

[aggravating]

Literal coffee IV drip.

video

[proxysproxy]

There are Starbucks here too.

Some people here are dead in their own worlds, Tony Stark. They have nothing but oblivion waiting for them back home. [Let him just be miffed on behalf of his progenitor here, because Creators know Proxy One won't care.]

As for the rest of us, we know how bad the place is, but when you can't go home, what else is there to do but live with it?

video

[aggravating]

[Tony Stark? Did he seriously just- ... should he? Should he really? Eh, whatever. This entire situation is insane so he might as well.]

'Master' is fine. [Totally. Serious. As if he honestly expects nothing less.] And okay, other worlds I can buy. Whatever, it's a rainbow bridge thing. But please tell me we aren't talking about a rotting zombie situation.

[That gets him to smirk, though] Sounds like a challenge.

permavid.

[symmachy]

Wow.

[NOT IMPRESSED]

permavid.

[aggravating]

Really? Just 'wow'?

Thought I'd at least get an 'awesome'.

[Audio]

[bestseller]

Not all of us are happy with being residents in the town of abductees. Most want to go home, some can't, and right now it looks like none of us have a choice.

Coffee IV? Normally I'd second the request, but it's much more satisfying being able to taste the flavor.

[Audio]

[aggravating]

Noted. Not everyone here is completely insane. Some might even have half a brain.

[You can practically hear his smirk]

IV means I get the coffee in, and can still sip a glass of brandy.

[inthejunk]

We have coffee at the Cat's Eye, but it isn't that Starbucks crap. I haven't seen one of those since I got here, actually. But you should probably try the mall if that's really the only thing that will do.

[aggravating]

Be glad I can't sue for emotional damage for that insult to the Starbucks name.

[And boy does he sound serious about that]

Late evening video

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce looks tired but pleased.]

You noticed the kidnapping part? Half the people around here are in constant denial.

Late evening video

[aggravating]

[SCIENCE BRO. Damn if Tony isn't already grinning]

I was tempted to go with the whole 'isn't just a river in Egypt' spiel but I think they're brain damaged beyond that. Can I just say? The fact that you're the first of our merry band of misfits I've seen here just made this place... 12.7% more bearable.

video;

[showbizpanache]

Yes, none of us are aware of our situation. We're lazing about in blissful ignorance. The NPP is just for show, naturally, as are the countless efforts made by the organization to improve the quality of life for Newcomers and our status in the city. Oh, and people just got rounded up and hunted like animals for sport a few weeks ago--but no, we're all just so happy to be here. Positively thrilled.

video;

[aggravating]

[Normally, he'd just roll his eyes and ask this kid what bee flew up his bonnet, and just generally make the situation worse. But then he had to go and mention people being hunted. And while Tony might not be the world's most... selfless superhero 90% of the time, there were certain things that actually got him paying attention.]

Okay, back off the sarcasm, Bowie. Which, by the way, nice use of. A plus or something.

Hunted?

video;

[mulletrock]

[Cool. That time of month when people start raining in from out of nowhere. This guy seems a little high maintenance but whatever, it's his job to greet.]

Might not be able to help you myself but my brother's part of the geek squad back home.

He could probably answer your questions and get you somewhere that fits your, uh, requirements.

video;

[aggravating]

[The Port has the worst case of PMS ever. Instead of throwing tantrums, it throws people.

Also you have no idea how high maintenance Tony can really be]

Unless he has a fully holographic and automated computer system that projects itself on and from every surface in his house as well as a fully functioning AI security and maintenance system I kind of really doubt he'd meet my requirements.

[Just saying]

video;

[czes]

...I don't buy it. I don't buy that anyone from any century asks for Starbucks first. Everyone knows that Duncan Donuts is far superior if you have to go with an American chain. [Yes, this apparent ten-year-old has opinions on coffee. And he's being mockingly sarcastic, not cute about it.]

video;

[aggravating]

Uh, yeah. No. You can't just get donuts first. There's a sacred order to the crap breakfast foods of America.

[D U H]

[voice]

[deductives]

If you think Starbucks is appropriate enough caffeine to help you cope, I believe the Stockholm's has set in already.

[voice]

[aggravating]

I have my own personal and highly tested order I'll stand by.

[It's basically fifty shots of espresso and a crap ton of sugar. And maybe a shot of five hour energy.]

[chiefdefense]

Starbucks? You know if you really need coffee that badly there are better places to go and find it.

[Takes a sip from her own cup that just so happens to be conveniently located on her desk.]

As for the kidnapping aspect, I believe everyone here is very much aware that they weren't brought here of their own free will, we're not all completely delusional.

[aggravating]

[Has no one actually realized Starbucks is one letter short from being a total ego trip? Starkbucks. THINK ABOUT IT.

Also he hates all you people drinking coffee in front of him.]

I'm a firm believer in brand loyalty. Starbucks got me through college.

Yeah, but see, you admit some of you are.

[video]

[rapturescreed]

Mr. Stark, I didn't expect to see you so soon, again. You'll find that all three of those things are extremely easy to get, coffee the quickest. We have several computers at the Newcomer Community Center, if you'd like to use any of those, I promise you none of them have even heard of Internet Explorer.

[video]

[aggravating]

[His eyebrows raise at that "again", but at the very least one person's mentioned him... having been here before.]

I couldn't stay away, apparently. But... yeah, usually avoid community centers and libraries, seeing as most people don't like me cannibalizing computers to make a better one.

[video]

[theshortestbird]

Looks like everyone got you on the coffee and kidnapping thing... SERO is the main tech group in the port, but I work for Violet Systems, it's run by Mr. Lee Chaolan. We're Newcomer owned but SERO affiliated? We're doing a lot of work improving darkness proofing, and tech that you probably don't need but will want to have.

[He grins.] I'm almost finished perfecting this zoomer, too. I can get it to go higher then six feet without bursting into flames.

[video]

[aggravating]

SERO's the slave trader one, right? [Side-eyeing you because of that, but....] I'm good at tech you want, trust me.

... And if you can't make a machine fly higher than six feet, you definitely need help.