sirenspull | Video 004

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Video 004

[The video opens to the sound of a hard crack, and a large burly man on a concrete floor shortly follows that sound. A few steps are heard and Deadpool struts into view]

Guess who's back, back again. Deadpool's back, tell a friend. Deadpool's back, Deadpool's back, Deadpool's back, nanana!

[Seating himself at a stool, he faces the audience]

Yes, your eyes aren't fooling ya... I am back once again, I had a brief tour of the old homeverse, met a few interesting folks, some of which are no longer amongst us. Fought some people, saved some people, same shit, different day.

[A non-caring shrug]

So what'd I miss? I hope I didn't miss any sexy parties because then I'd truly have to crack some skulls, maybe some femurs too, they crack nice. I'm assuming everything is its typical level of shitty, and that someone is going to buy me a beer, and catch me up on the dead, gone and new list.

[He gives a thumbs up and the feed cuts]

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[God she is so glad you're back, Pool. But she has bad news for you.]

Get to the house, Magneto's dead.

[He looks up]

I could have been

I know 'Pool.

[She takes a deep breath. She's really sorry. But, time for a briefing.]

Magneto and that one mutant kid that got arrested? They're both dead. Billy Kaplan is back, Thor showed up earlier, Cap and Tony are living in the third condo. The latest batch of Newcomers has begun to arrive and seem to be a mixed bunch.

I'm guessing the demon did it?

[The thought holds for a second]

Captain America and Iron Man are sharing a condo together?!

No it was -

[DROP THE NV LIKE ITS ALIVE HOLY SHIT DEADPOOL.]

... They're not our Tony and Steve, 'Pool. Now, can you please come home?

Still, our house is turning into a pretty wacky reality T-V show.

[Which of course he will now give a sample of]

Next time on Awesome House...

[In a deep voice] Who's been writing "Thor's a dork" on Mjolnir?! I shall have my vengeance!!

[In a quiet subdued voice] Tony... this is an intervention.

Tempers flair as magical hijanks overwhelm the inhabitants, and the question on everyone's mind is how will things get fucked up next? Tune in next week for a very special episode of Awesome House.

[Oh Deadpool, she missed you. As it is, she nearly chokes on her gum, snickering.]

Nice. Real nice. However, Loki is still here. So, we're probably going to be getting Thor too.

Oh yeah? Managed to stick it out has he?

Cool beans.

[He flicks a peanut away absentmindedly]

Well Thunderpants packs one hell of a hit to him, only worse is getting hit by the Hulk. He smashed me on the molecular level while I was back.

You know he's going to welcome you home, right? No shooting up the hallway.

[Jubilee winces.]

Ouch. Well, I'm glad you're back.

He'd probably refer to it as a feasting of some sort. Kid needs to work on his lingo.

[I'm not Well, yeah. Thats because that totally failed to do its job didn't it? Can't do anything about it here though, even if we cancel it out, its just return to GO, and do not collect $200.]

Uh, thanks I guess.

[He kind of rubs his head, he really didn't get that often]

Grab some beer on the way home and I'll completely fill you in when you get here, okay?

[Smile.]

You're always welcome, Pool.

Fine fine.

[Glance around]

Probably should leave soon anyway, not sure what most of these guys powers were except for standard thug dialogue down to a art, oh and one guy was shooting spikes, till I totally used the chair.

[Props her chin on her hand.]

Man, you were using chair-fu? And I missed it? Dude. I feel all neglected now.

[Pout]

If you were nice, you'd offer to take me out bar fighting, Deadpool. I haven't had a good fight in totally way too long. No Logan to trail after, ya know?

M'bad. I'll make sure you are nearby next time I deck someone with a chair.

[He crosses his arms]

Maybe. Only if you've been keeping up with your homework, and brushing your teeth three times a day.

Hell no I haven't. Been preparing a memorial, trying to keep Loki from teasing Steve and Tony too badly, keeping up with my job, and ya know, beating up Darkness monsters.

But, I haven't been arrested, haven't lost my job, and haven't gotten killed. I think that's pretty good.

Sounds like a blast, hold on a second.

[He shuffles for a moment then there is a blue phasing, and then he has teleported right beside her]

Got my teleporter back! Neat right?

[Jubilee jumps. She hadn't been expecting that. Except it lasts all of about 30 milliseconds. Then, she just jumps and wraps her arms around him.

That's right, a big ol' Jubilee hug for her Deadpool.]

God, I missed you, Pool.

[He just kind of stands there for a moment awkwardly. This isn't what he was expecting]

Wow, you must have had a shitty time.

[NOPE STILL HUGGING YOU.]

You don't even know, dude. Magneto's dead, some SERO warehouse went BOOM, the angels are all cranky - and jerks, but let's stay with the cranky for now - and just...

[She'll just be leaning on you, okay?]

I miss your brand of crazy. The kind I like to deal with. The kind that actually makes sense.

Well, the angels are all like part of a soap opera, so thats not surprising... I missed an explosion?

[He'll just accept the hug for now]

Damn. I like when things explode.

[Well thats a nice thought, isn't it?]

Awwwwww, don't worry, I'll be going all sorts of cray cray 'round this place. So you'll have a smorgasbord to deal with.

[That last gets a laugh out of her.]

Just remember, the Tony and Steve that are here aren't our Tony and Steve, okay? Neither is the Wanda that's here.

[She drops on the couch.]

And yeah. SERO was in some sort of nasty thing, like nastier than normal. The head angel, Michael, got... well, kinda Old Testament about the place.

Yeah yeah, I'll keep the whole in bed with the enemy comments to a minimum. Still weird, plus I was having some conflicts with Roger back at home, but hey I'll try not to mess around with them too much.

[Looks slightly disappointed]

That sounds like it would have been a great show, I hope you got it on TEVO?

[If Deadpool and Loki join forces against Cap and Tony... Jubilee is hiding on the other side of the island. Forever.]

Just remember, Tony can be somewhat of an amoral genius when you tick him off. I doubt this one is any better.

[Meaning if you tick off the guy that makes the fun gadgets you are on your own.]

I didn't. But the news had something about it. I dunno if there's video, but someone probably got a picture of it. I was too... freaked out by Mags dying that I just didn't have the brain left.

Yes, but I'm a master of the possimpible. So, I think that means I'm better.

[He gives her a little pat]

Well, I'm sure he'll be back again, if there is one constant from our world, people are hard to take down and stay down. That and a love of spandex.

You just barely missed a bit of fun.

You finally got the guts to get yourself a date?

[He's going to put a tentacle monster in your toilet. Just saying.]

Did you finally get one during your return home?

[So that the toilet can be getting more action then you?]

A few actually. It was great.

[Loki is in love. With magic.]

Well then, let us hope your disposition will be amused upon finding what I left for you. [Even if it isn't, Hel, he can hide behind Thor now.]

I hope its chimichangas and beer, because if it isn't on the treat side of things I may have to swirley you.

[He'll take that action on]

Assuming i knew what a chimichanga and a swirley was, then that might have been more impressive a threat.

[Smiiile.]

Not my fault you are a dumbass, yo.

[Kanyeshrug]

Cease being a hater. [See what he did there? Bam. Slang.]

Slang still needs work, kid.

How was the universe when you left it? Intact?

[And on that note...]

What was the last thing that happened when you were there?

More or less, some people may have been killed and such, but nothing world ending.

[He crosses his arms]

Nothing too important.

[Someone found a way to kill me, and I didn't get to test that out]

Ooh! You went back too, amigo? That happened to me a few weeks ago, you know!

Si si, chicka. Yeah, I vaguely recall that.

[Not particularly]

Cut anyone strong?

[ her favorite topic! you know how to win a girl over. ]

-- You bet!! There was this real annoying dame with a spear who thought she could beat me, but she was wrong! I cut her up real good! -- And I cut the sky and the clouds open, too!

[Its because he is crazy]

Neato burrito. Glad you managed to have some fun.

[He stretches]

We should do a job together soon or something.

Together? You mean I gotta split up the action with you? I don't knooow, amigo...

Give a guy a break, Chicka. I had to watch myself get killed back home.

[Lucky bastard]

H-huh?! What do you mean, watch yourself? How can you do that?

Oh well, imagine having a second version of yourself, with all your memories and skills for the most part, but happens to be like evil. I helped take him down, which I guess was me down.

Oh! Oh! I was just talkin' about this with Claire, amigo! It's a clone, right?

[ beat. ]

... It sounds kind of exciting to me, you know, if you're the one who killed him!

Didn't get to kill myself, got hit with some kind of special whoozits and then blasted by a squad of guys and then evil me was dead.

[He shrugs]

Aww. That's no fun, amigo! But what kinda special whozits are you talking about, huh?

Yeah, its pretty fricking shitty, chicka.

Uh... some kind of formula or something which cancels out my powers.

[Something thats not really useful here]

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Video 004

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