001: Video

[hulkbusted]

[The man on the screen looks utterly exhausted. Haggard might even be apt considering the greyish pallor of his skin under his dark stubble and the even darker circles under his eyes. When the video jostles in his hold for a moment, it displays his bare chest before coming up to his face. He looks like he tried to wash off some combination of mud, sand, and various other things best not examined too closely and didn't do too great a job of it. Despite that, he tries for a tired smile and a finger taps the screen before withdrawing.]

First off, I'd like to say that Tony Stark makes the world's most durable phone. I'd do a testimonial commercial, but that might be in bad taste.

Second, I've read some of the information available and I think you'll understand it's not the easiest thing to swallow, but I'm going with it as a working theory for now. Don't ask why, it's a long story.

Third... [He trails off and turns his head away from the camera before looking back at it] I don't know what the third is, let's say I want to issue a blanket apology and leave it at that.

[ooc: The Hulk ended up getting stuck outside at sundown and fought (pounding and getting pounded on) all night. Between that and a chitauri invasion, I figure Bruce is feeling a little run down.]

Comments

[symmachy]

[Secretly, Scatty is thinking that the Hulk is her ideal man.]

Is there a reason you tested whatever this was on yourself?

[hulkbusted]

[That's not disturbing, Scatty. Really.]

We were running out of funding and time. The only way I was going to keep the military from pulling the plug was to demonstrate that it worked.

It was stupid and arrogant I know that.

[symmachy]

[Everyone has issues.]

You're right. It was incredibly stupid. You're probably lucky you lived.

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce huffs a small laugh because there are stories and stories about his being lucky to be alive.]

If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all? But there you go, that's the Cliff's Notes version and [he tugs on his tattered pants for emphasis] explains my lack of dress sense.

I've got it mostly under control, but I try to avoid things that get my adrenaline going like getting plucked out of my world and dumped in a strange place.

[symmachy]

That is a bit stressful. [She holds open the door to a clothing shop.] But if you go tearing apart the clothes I'm buying you, I won't be happy. [Vampire teeth smile.]

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce lets the fangy woman (being multi-thousands of years old upgrades her from girl to woman regardless of appearance) with the weapons hold the door and goes in, wincing a little at her comment.]

I usually buy secondhand. I'd gone a year without an incident, but I have a feeling this place won't be as relaxing as Calcutta.

[He's scanning the shop looking for cheap and well... cheap.]

[symmachy]

[She wasn't sure how Calcutta could be relaxing. She had once been attacked by a band of Raksasha there. But she wasn't about to correct him, instead beginning to look around as well. Money was not something she particularly cared about, but she wouldn't question his choices.]

Get whatever you want. I don't often eat normal food, so I've cash to spare.

[hulkbusted]

[It's strange how many times in recent years Bruce has had to rely on the kindness of strangers. With an apologetic smile to the shop clerk for his state of undress, he shuffles through the clothes on the racks looking for pants with give in the fabric and shirts with forgiving seams.

He keeps his eyes down on the racks when he asks] Who usually fills in when you aren't eating normal food?

[symmachy]

[The redhead gives the shopkeeper a quick glare before moving over towards Bruce, idly tapping her fingers on her white jeans.]

I like that you say who. And for now, it's volunteers. I don't--eat often. [Her tone darkened.] I don't like to.

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce glances up before dropping his eyes to the rack again.]

Call it two parts logic, one part pop culture. If you're going for the strongest source of what you need, I'm going to be sapiocentric and say you're looking for a who and not a what.

[Brown poly cotton with... 5% spandex? Uch, but it has give and it's the right, slightly baggy size. He drops the pants over his arm and moves over to rifle through folded stacks of t-shirts. Dammit, he'd liked that button-down shirt he'd been wearing... yesterday morning? Was it only yesterday?]

Why don't you like it?

[symmachy]

[Time flies in the Port. She looks at him, straight-on. Her green eyes are slit by catlike, vertical pupils.]

Why would I like being a parasite?

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce drops his eyes before his urge to examine her eyes is mistaken for flat out staring.]

I don't know. [He picks a t-shirt at random, coming up with purple without really thinking about it and drops that over his arm to join the pants, all he needs is some flip flops and he'll be decent until he can afford to buy more clothes.] Other people do it all the time. It's not like the cow or chicken volunteers, but there are more omnivores than vegetarians where I'm from. I'm not knocking your choice, I just half-expected some other reason. It's not like I've given much thought to, let's say really alternative dietary practices before.

[symmachy]

Cows and chickens aren't people. [Few humans really understood her thoughts on being a vampire. Being in the City before the Port had helped her come more to terms with her nature, but there were some days where she hated herself just as much as she had when she'd been younger.]

If I could survive on fruits and vegetables alone, I would.

[hulkbusted]

Yeah, and if I could go home and pick up my life where it left off before things went big and green, I would.

Like I said before, I accept that I don't always get what I want. If I don't accept it, I get even less of what I want. [But who's he to tell someone how to accept what they are? He's getting better at it, but he still has his off days.]

If it works for you, it works for you. I'm sure we all appreciate that you take volunteers and not not-volunteers.

[symmachy]

[She pauses, inspecting him. A small smile makes its way to her lips.]

I suppose I'll try to keep that in mind. [Another pause.] And I'm about ten thousand years old. For the record. [He might not have asked, but it was something she seldom shared. She's opening up, okay.]

[hulkbusted]

[The small, possibly slightly unflattering truth about why that revelation doesn't floor him has little to do with teaming up with (or beating down on) a thousands-years-old Norse god, and much more to do with the simple fact that he can't wrap his mind around living that long. He doesn't want to wrap his ind around it. He was ready to pack it in after 40 years. So he nods and looks her up and down without lingering anywhere lecherous before saying]. It works for you.

[symmachy]

[Too bad, she might have been flattered by a little lechery. But she does take note of his lack of surprise, but doesn't let on. Can't let him think he's caught her off guard. What kind of Warrior Maid would she be if she did?] Thanks. Forty-two works for you, too.

[hulkbusted]

[Mild-mannered mannerisms FTL, Bruce. He gives her a wry look] I look like my alter-ego spent the night out in the Darkness, but thanks for the nice lie.

[symmachy]

[A grin.] For just one night you don't look too bad.

[hulkbusted]

I'm not going for a second night just to impress you [no matter how tight those white jeans might be. He wanders toward the wall where there's a display of canvas shoes - no flip flops, sadly.] Although I'm getting the impression it will take more than two nights in the darkness to manage that anyway. If you say "been there, done that," I'm going to have to take you at face value.

[symmachy]

Not even if I went with you? [Not that she's flirting or anything. Nope. She follows him.] Then I won't say that I go out almost every night, either.

[hulkbusted]

[He's trying real hard not to feel like a dirty old man.] It wouldn't be me you were out with anyway. I'm the brains, the Other Guy's the brawn.

[symmachy]

[Technically, she is the one who would be robbing the cradle here.] Good thing I'm a fan of both of those.

[hulkbusted]

[A fact which is probably going to interrupt his attempts at meditating later in the evening.]

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were asking the Hulk out for a play date.

[symmachy]

[Go ahead and ask her to meditate you. See how that happens.

And he calls it the Hulk. That's adorable.] Why do you think you know better?