001: Video

[hulkbusted]

[The man on the screen looks utterly exhausted. Haggard might even be apt considering the greyish pallor of his skin under his dark stubble and the even darker circles under his eyes. When the video jostles in his hold for a moment, it displays his bare chest before coming up to his face. He looks like he tried to wash off some combination of mud, sand, and various other things best not examined too closely and didn't do too great a job of it. Despite that, he tries for a tired smile and a finger taps the screen before withdrawing.]

First off, I'd like to say that Tony Stark makes the world's most durable phone. I'd do a testimonial commercial, but that might be in bad taste.

Second, I've read some of the information available and I think you'll understand it's not the easiest thing to swallow, but I'm going with it as a working theory for now. Don't ask why, it's a long story.

Third... [He trails off and turns his head away from the camera before looking back at it] I don't know what the third is, let's say I want to issue a blanket apology and leave it at that.

[ooc: The Hulk ended up getting stuck outside at sundown and fought (pounding and getting pounded on) all night. Between that and a chitauri invasion, I figure Bruce is feeling a little run down.]

Comments

[hulkbusted]

[Uh... Shoes! Yes, these are now the most interesting shoes in any world.]

I did mention the part about eight foot tall rage monster?

[symmachy]

[She would be upset if she knew that he thought shoes were more interesting than her right now.] Did I mention the part about the immortal vampire martial artist? [Oh my God she sounds like a bad B-movie character.]

[hulkbusted]

[They're really not, but leering at a vampire he just met isn't really his style. Or conducive to keeping himself centered.]

I think I remember that. Remind me, was that before or after you started smoking and showed me my blazing green aura?

[This pair doesn't look too uncomfortable to explode out of, they'll do.]

[symmachy]

[Being centered is for squares.]

Before, I believe. I'm almost hurt that you've forgotten so soon. I thought I'd left an impression.

[hulkbusted]

[Color him square, Daddy-O. He shifts clothes around and juggles the shoe box before finally meeting her eyes.]

In the past two days the Other Guy and I have helped save my world from a crazy Norse god and an alien invasion, been yanked into another world, been stabbed in the eye - I think I'm a little hazy on that detail - and spent the night fighting things whose details I want to be hazy on.

And you still stand out among that.

[symmachy]

[Okay, hearing that she still "stands out" from all that makes her grin, teeth and all. It would probably be a little terrifying if he hadn't already seen it before. She cocks a hip to the side and gently fingers her nunchaku, pleased.]

Good to know I still haven't lost my touch.

[hulkbusted]

[The teeth are a little disconcerting, that's certain, but he's seen them, and he's seen worse. Most of it very recently. So far she's friendly and if she tries to eat him, they'll tear down that bridge when they come to it.]

No, ten thousand years old and you've still got it. If I were a history guy instead of a science guy I think my knees would be weak.

[symmachy]

[If she was going to eat him, she would have done it fifteen minutes ago when she had his aura right in front of her. Sorry bro, but she does't like you that much yet.

And she does her best to look pouty.]

You mean they aren't now? Maybe I should take up science as a hobby.

[hulkbusted]

If you had taken it up two thousand years ago, the world would be... {Ten thousand years of weapons? For a moment the full weight of her age threatens to actually hit him, but he'll save that for meditating on later too.] ...yours.

[symmachy]

[Just wait until she tells him about that time she trained Achilles. A small smile graces her face.] Eight thousand years ago, I might have considered taking it up just for just that reason.

[hulkbusted]

And now? [He moves over to the counter to get the odd walking around half-naked part of the day over with at long last.] Is world domination passe this millennium?

[symmachy]

[She follows, and pulls a wad of cash from her back jeans pocket to pay. Scathach completely ignores the strange look the shopkeeper keeps giving them.] No, it's actually a fad right now. I just grew up.

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce handles the shop keeper's looks with minimal eye contact. No need to issue challenges he doesn't want to take up.]

Sometime you can give me the short version. [He takes the bag intending to head straight for the changing room.] Since the long version might last longer than my lifetime.

[symmachy]

[Without missing a beat, she follows him towards the changing rooms. No, she isn't going to follow him in. Just casually stand outside them.] I've been able to condense it quite well, actually.

[hulkbusted]

[He's not sure what she's planning to do. It's hard enough knowing other people's intentions without adding in the whole 10,000 years old not-human aspect, but he acts as though she's going to wait outside and is more than a little relieved when she does.]

I think I'd enjoy a condensed version with a few more details than what you've given me so far.

[Farewell to you pants, you served to your utmost. He changes quickly and grimaces at himself in the changing room mirror before trying to wipe away the worst of the dirt on his visible skin.]

[symmachy]

[Don't worry, she doesn't have x-ray vision or anything. That would just be silly. She smiles to herself outside the changing room.]

Any more details right now, and you might become frightened of me.

[Look, she's just being honest.]

[hulkbusted]

I'm surprisingly hard to frighten.

[He comes out and holds out his arms to show off his lack of sartorial splendor.]

But I will no longer be subject to no shirt, no shoes, no service rules. Thank you.

[symmachy]

[She decides not to say that the past nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety years of her life have been spent building up a background of horrors. That would have to wait for their second date I mean meeting.

She gives a halfassed golf clap.]

Excellent. Then I believe it's time I showed you some cheap living quarters, unless you'd prefer to explore on your own.

[hulkbusted]

[He gives her either a tiny ironic bow or really deep inclination of his head and goes to dump the wrecked pants in the garbage after tucking his NV in his pocket.]

You don't have to do that. I've found someplace to stay for now. [He almost laughs.] I've had several offers from people who know Bruce Banner.

[symmachy]

[She smiles, and ambles out the door with him.

And then cocks an eyebrow.]

Is that not your name?

[Boy you better not have lied to her.]

[hulkbusted]

It's my name. [He's more amused than abashed.] And they know the Hulk, but it's not me. You know Deadpool, right? He says he knows you. He knows a Bruce Banner who gets big and green; it's just not me.

[symmachy]

[She nods idly. Yes, she knew Deadpool. And yes, this was beginning to make sense.]

Different dimensions are a pain, aren't they?

[hulkbusted]

If it didn't seem like every other person here already knows what's up with me, I wouldn't have told you about it, so yeah, it's a pain.

[But what are you going to do? And besides, she's interesting company who might not have been quite as interesting if he'd kept things under wraps.]

I think I can find Kevin's place. [He could do something crazy and ask to see her again, but habit counsels against it.]

[symmachy]

I know what you mean. There are at least six other vampires here, all of them bloodsuckers. I felt like I had to set the record straight almost as soon as I arrived.

[Because bloodsuckers gave her a bad reputation, and if she was going to make friends and all that shit, she couldn't have them be scared of her teeth. She nods, and offers him her small hand for a shake. There may or may not be a slip of paper with her phone number on it.]

Good luck, Bruce. I'll see you later.

[And when she walks away, you can only look at her ass for like five seconds before she'll notice.]

[hulkbusted]

[Five, four, three, she looks like she's a teenager, two, really Bruce, one... zero and then he's looking at the number in his hand and maybe, probably, definitely memorizing it.]