026 // Video

[showbizpanache]

[Here's Kurt a little more world-weary than before, but completely recognizable now. He looks calm, peaceful, like he'd just accepted something. He's also draped in an over-large leather jacket that looks frankly bizarre on him, but he doesn't seem to care.]

So I... I'm back.

That is to say, my memories have returned. The funny thing is that--when they did? The first thing I thought about was the Out of the Darkness Project. More specifically, the fact that I haven't made an entry of my own yet.

I hadn't wanted to. It seems rather narcissistic, honestly. But now that I think about it, I think I just avoided it because I was scared. Scared of being vulnerable, I suppose. But... I think I can do it now. So--here goes.

[He clears his throat, curling up his legs, perching on the couch in his apartment.]


I know I talk about how much I hate this place whenever I get the chance--and I do, quite honestly, that hasn't changed, but... There's something about it that I appreciate: I feel like I can be myself here. That wasn't the case back home. I was treated...very badly. I felt like the world didn't want me to be me. Yet that's what made me stronger, you know? It made me much more driven, more tenacious, more fixated on my goals. I wanted to be a star more than anything, and I was willing to do anything to get there. I felt like if I were to break into the world and show everyone how talented and unique I was, then it would be the only way I could outshine all the prejudice and the self-doubt it brought me.

It's different here. I feel like this place has brought me down to Earth in a lot of ways, and I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or not. Still, I can't deny how much I've grown. So much has happened, I...I couldn't even begin to describe it all. I've...seen the darkest parts of this place. Horrible things, things I can't even describe. I've had my free will taken away from me. I've lost so many people...so many friends that sometimes I just-- [He sighs, shaking his head.]

I don't regret it. I don't regret meeting any of you. And the people I've lost... [He swallows.] You know, a while ago I wouldn't have been able to deal with this. I try to imagine what it would be like if I were all alone, but I'm...I'm not. I have wonderful friends.

Rachel...your smile never ceases to brighten my day. Even though we argue and snap at each other, even if I think you take far too long in the shower... You're my best friend. I believed with my whole heart that you'd come back, and you did. Because we're friends for good, right? Stuck with each other.

Finn? I know you feel like you aren't doing enough for me, and that's just silly. You're here. To have someone in my family here with me... It's more comforting than you can imagine. And honestly, Finn, I'm here for you, too. We're a team, okay? Never forget that.

Gosh, so many of you... Ahiru, Franz--I'm mad at you for firing me, by the way, don't think you're off the hook--Mercy, Chuck, Cloud, Jack, Claire, Jinx, Griffin, Genesis, Tim, Yosuke, Daedalus, Alice, Xion, Kazuma... I'm so lucky to have met all of you. I wouldn't take anything back, for anything in the world.

[A pause.] There's...one common denominator in all of this. In everything that's happened. One person who has been with me through all of it, even if we weren't--together, per se. Someone who keeps me humbled, who holds me up, who keeps me down to Earth while at the same time pushing my wings to fly.

We died together. We died, and then a day later we woke up at the same time, lying side by side. I don't think that really happens around here very often. I don't think it's ever happened here at all. That means something. I know it does.

[Sniff. He's starting to get a little teary.] Wh-what I'm trying to say is that Darkness is never something you can overcome alone. You need someone. Whether it's one person or many... Open your heart up to them. Don't take them for granted.

Bring them home. Keep them close. It's all you have here. Thank you.

Comments

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine is quiet for a moment. He looks up at Kurt. He speaks gently.]

You have a lot of things and a lot of people.

[showbizpanache]

[Kurt just shakes his head vehemently.]

I know what it's like to be without you now. I never want to feel like that again.

[Pause.] ...Sorry, is that-- I don't know what's appropriate to say now. I'm sorry.

[mediumdrip]

Like I said, we just need to slow down. We can start by going on a date?

[showbizpanache]

Okay. Let's do that.

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine smiles at that.]

Okay. Good. I think I can handle a date.

We'll have to think of something fun to do.

[showbizpanache]

[He nods, smiling.]

Can we hold hands? [He wants to ask for a kiss, but-- They're starting over, right? That means it needs to be the right moment. A perfect kiss.]

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine smiles and hold his hand out, offering it to Kurt.]

[showbizpanache]

[Happily Kurt reaches for it, holding it tightly.]

Everything's going to be okay now. I promise. I'll never yell at you again, okay? And I'll make everything perfect. I'll make sure you're happy all the time, I promise.

[mediumdrip]

No, Kurt... Don't....

[Blaine looks away but doesn't pull his hand away.]

[showbizpanache]

Don't what?

[mediumdrip]

Please don't feel like you have to go out of your way to make me happy. I want you to be comfortable. I want you to be you. I don't need everything to be perfect.

[showbizpanache]

No. Blaine...

[Kurt holds Blaine's hand closer, lifting it to press a kiss against the knuckles.]

You're always saying how amazing you think I am. You're always doing your best to bring me up while bringing yourself down. That's what I'd overlooked before. I never saw just how much support and care you needed, and... I'm not going to neglect you anymore.

You're amazing, Blaine. You're perfect. And I'd do anything for you.

[mediumdrip]

I know you would. [He admits this softly and looks back over at Kurt.]

I think we should admit that it's not going to be perfect and that's okay. Relationships don't have to be perfect.

[showbizpanache]

I know. Trust me. If there's anything I've learned by now...

[He laughs, looking down at their hands. His heart tightens with emotion--both indescribable happiness and horrible pain.]

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine's thumb strokes Kurt's hand.]

I want to make sure that you don't feel like you have walk on egg shells or go out of your way.

[showbizpanache]

I've never felt that way, Blaine.

[Pause.]

Well, now kind of. The walking-on-eggshells part. I have no idea what's okay to do, and honestly all I want to do is kiss you until we can't breathe.

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine smiled a bit at that.]

I know. It's going to take some time for us both to figure it out. For now, I think hand holding and cuddling is okay?

[showbizpanache]

Yeah. Um...

[He squeezes Blaine's hand then stands up.]

I'll be right back, okay? Just a second.

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine seems a little surprised when Kurt pulls up, but he smiles a bit anyway.] Okay.

[showbizpanache]

[Kurt goes into the bedroom, needing to catch his breath. Everything is reeling, and his head still hurts from getting all his memories back. After a moment he finds himself wandering toward the closet, taking out the box and the smaller box within it.

He just stares at it for a while, his heart sinking, but he tries to see the positive side. I just have to wait a little longer, that's all, he tells himself. I was waiting already, wasn't I?

The difference was that he'd thought Blaine was going to come home after all this. That they could wake up together and Kurt could cook Blaine dinner and bake him things and they could leave each other notes and fall asleep together every night.

Tears gather in his eyes again but he scrubs them away stubbornly, shoving the box back into the closet and pulling himself together before heading back out into the living room.]

So! Um-- Are you hungry?

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine has been waiting on the couch. He had started to wonder if this really was the right choice. Was it too soon? Kurt has just gotten his memories back. And what about Kanji? He must have just realized what it meant that the other boy was gone...

Blaine nods when Kurt mentions food.] Yes. Did you want to make something?

[showbizpanache]

[Kurt hadn't forgotten about Kanji. He'd shrugged off the jacket before Blaine arrived, of course, but it was still draped over one of the armchairs.]

Yes! Yes, I'll make something. Would you like a sandwich? I still have the things you like, in case-- [He coughs.] I'll be right back.

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine gets up and moves towards the kitchen. He pauses for a moment to look at the jacket before moving to the doorway of the kitchen. He just watches Kurt a moment.]

I missed watching you do things like this...

[showbizpanache]

[He takes out all the supplies then looks at Blaine.]

You did?

[mediumdrip]

[Blaine leans against the wall and folds his arms over his chest loosely. He looks comfortable, happy to watch Kurt make food.]

Of course I did. I missed you>.

We still need to talk about something else though.