sirenspull | 009 // voice ---> text

[The weariness in his voice isn’t a simple case of fatigue; he sounds troubled. Not that it hasn’t been keeping him up at night. If this wasn’t just a voice message, you’d be able to see the dark blotches under his eyes.]

[Kaiji clears his throat, an attempt at being casual.]

Wanted to throw a question out there. When do you forgive someone? [a pause- it’s not really his place to do the forgiving in this situation] Or… when do you turn a blind eye to something… something fucked up? What if they’ve done their time for it? What circumstances make it…

[He trails off. It used to be so simple. Coming here had complicated matters- he still didn’t know where he stood with Tonegawa but it hadn’t mattered before. They were never supposed to see each other again. Even here, their past was a largely taboo subject, never to be spoken out loud but ever present in resentful undertones and snipes. Even so, a small part of him was disturbed by how lacking in intensity his hatred of the other man was- and even more so by the tinier part of him that respected him in spite of everything.

And now… now he can’t stop himself making the connections, asking the same uncomfortable questions; is he a hypocrite if he forgives one but not the other? Does it matter if they’ve changed? Why they did it? Does it ever go away?]

...tch. It's a stupid question.

[A few hours later, he goes back and makes a small addition in the form of a brief, typed note.]

Stanfield. If you’re free we should meet up.

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[Kaiji goes silent as he talks, staring down at his hands in their battered gloves. If it looks like he's not listening, it's more that he's having trouble taken it all in- but damned if he isn't trying. And that's the part that really galls him- he's still trying. With anyone else he would've just walked away but he can't with Claire. The more he thinks about it, the more sense that makes. They're from different times and different circumstances- different universes. Is trying to judge him by his own standards fair?

Because, in spite of being a murderer, he's also the first person here Kaiji's trusted. He's still brave and loyal and friendly and knows when to ask and when to keep quiet. He's smart and sharp and, hell, he makes him laugh. Kaiji likes him.

Is that a sign?

If it is, it's growing fainter and less tangible by the second. His shoulders slump at Claire's answer. "A couple of guys". Like he can't be bothered to remember how many.]

... let's say we forget everything that happened before you came here. Why'd you do it this time if it wasn't a job?

[ Claire looks like a half-deflated ginger balloon suddenly getting a little puff of air back, his shoulders lifting and eyes widening slightly. Although his expression is still far darker than usual it's tempered by relief. He's not out of the woods yet, not by a long shot - but he hasn't lost the trust between them. There's a chance. ]

All right. The story behind that... [ Claire takes a sip of beer, frowns. ] These fellas, they were recruiters for AGI. I don't mean they were out asking nicely if anyone wanted to sign up with them, I'm talking about forcing people into cars at the end of a gun. So, it just so happened that twice I've been goin' somewhere and bumped into one of these guys while they were working. I'll spare you the details on how it went down, but there's guys walking 'round free that wouldn't be if my timing hadn't been so fortuitous. Fortuitous for them, I mean, not for the company goons.

[ He sits still without fidgeting with coasters or his hair, eyes locked on Kaiji's despite the the holes the other man is burning through his gloves. It's easier for him to try and understand where Kaiji's coming from than it is the other way round. ] You... probably think I went overboard and shoulda just handed them over to the cops or something. And being a hitman, too - you can't think much of me for that. But at least I can tell you that I never laid a finger on anyone who didn't have it comin', one way or another. These are people who make a living outta other people's pain. [ He smiles suddenly, grimly. ] And that... was a pretty hypocritical thing to say, huh.

[It's not just Claire looking relieved now. There it is- the thing that drew Kaiji to him in the first place. He was starting to wonder if it had ever actually been there or if he had just been embarrassingly, infuriatingly naive in his assessment of the other man. Like chipping away a boulder bit by bit and finally catching sight of the diamond you had hoped was there.

It's still murder, of course, but he knows better than most that morality doesn't come in black and white. He didn't do it for pleasure or money. He hadn't hurt anyone innocent- in fact, to a lot of people, he was doing the right thing.

Can he forgive Tonegawa for everything he did and not Stanfield for this? Can he call him immoral when he doesn't even know what moral is anymore?]

[very quietly] They were just pawns. Take 'em to the police and their bosses'll just send more out. [Kaiji takes a gulp of his beer to wet his dry mouth] I don't like what you did but it's complicated. I appreciate you told me. And... and I know why you did it.

[With a steadiness that surprises Kaiji himself, he looks up, dark eyes meeting Claire's lighter ones.]

It's not my place to forgive you for anything. I'm no judge. I'm not even a victim. I'm just... your friend- and that means I trust you to do what you think you should.

[ The breath Claire hadn't noticed himself holding comes out in a rush. Hearing those words is a sudden relief when he'd been building up to fighting his case, sure that he'd need to do a lot more convincing to seem worth trusting in spite of it all. He hadn't expected a regular civilian to trust him with this. It's too big -

- and there it is again. That uneasiness he felt earlier biting at him. Nobody went from distraught to accepting that fast without having the groundwork there already. Which meant he'd made a mistake assuming that Kaiji had nothing to do with that dark underbelly of society. He talks more like someone who's been through it - and come out stronger.

He doesn't voice that thought, but he drops his gaze to the table. If it's true, and Kaiji knows what it's like... Well, now it feels a little like those eyes could see right through him.

It's only a flicker. Weakness like that isn't something he can indulge in. When he looks up again it's completely steady and he reaches across the table and clasps a hand behind Kaiji's neck. ] That's all I can ask of you. Just believe in me, and I won't let you regret it. [ a beat ] I said I wouldn't let you down, and I'd die before I broke a promise like that.

[ He grins ear to ear. Okay, so that was just over some fight rigging, but it means more than that to him. ] And I'm definitely not gonna die. So count on me, okay?

009 // voice ---> text

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