6th Standoff ☆ Voice

[cowboycop]

(( ooc: Forward-dated to about 7PM, action opportunity for housemates. ))

Got a question fer all y'all. You ever... wish you could change somethin'? Y'ever had one of those moments when you just... wish you could go back'n... fix it all?

[A pause, as he seems to tap his foot down. His spur jingles in time, so one can only assume.]

... though I figger that here, it'd be goin' forward an' fixin' it. Three years ago fer me, three years ahead fer Siren's Port, I reckon... [One could probably hear a faint sigh if they tried. This is hard for him to admit, even bring up again.] ... a man named Neil Marshall was killed. Man I loved like a brother, 'cause... he was my brother. An' no matter how long ago it's been, I keep wonderin'... maybe I coulda... done somethin' different. Maybe I coulda jus' stayed behind a bit longer. I dunno.

... so how do y'all keep it from gettin' to ya? Even I'll admit I ain't got a clue. Guess that's my real question I should be askin'. Jus' lemme know. I'll... I'll get back to ya.

[He tries to turn off the voice, but just before, in a quiet voice that was meant to be just for himself:]

Dammit, Marshall, keep it together...

Comments

[acemedium]

Come on, it's obvious. If you spend all your time getting gloomy about things you can't change, you're going to end up old and wrinkly and depressed in no time!

[cowboycop]

Ain't old folks like me s'posed to get wrinkly, little bit?

wahhh little bit

[acemedium]

You're not that old.

Anyway, your goal should be to be as non-gloomy and non-wrinkly as possible, not to make yourself as gloomy and wrinkly as possible by getting stuck on things in the past!

he figures she was okay with it, so he can call her that :|a

[cowboycop]

Nearly in my mid-thirties. Ain't that s'posed to be when you're all washed up?

Ain't got a choice in the matter. If I don't remember Neil, then who will? I gotta keep his memory alive.

SO CUTE. Yeah, she doesn't mind! 1/2

[acemedium]

No way, you've got plenty of time! And anyway, Nick is crustier than you.

[acemedium]

[...]

There's a big difference between keeping a memory alive and dwelling on things you can't change, Detective Marshall.

[cowboycop]

... reckon there might be a difference. A big difference, even. But I can't...

[He really doesn't want to look weak in front of Maya. He can feel his voice start to crack and his eyes begin to well up with tears again. So, he pauses, his hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He's able to hide his eyes with his hat, and take a deep breath to get himself through the rest of his sentence.]

... I can't help it, bambina. Whenever I think of Neil, I just think... how it woulda happened if I'd stayed there with 'im, er if I did somethin' different...

[acemedium]

[There is a brief, heavy silence]

What do you think Mr. Neil would say if he saw you beating yourself up like this?

[cowboycop]

Neil? He'd call me a damn fool fer worryin' about him so much.

[He can almost hear Neil's voice saying it, too. This isn't helping him calm down, and so, he takes a quick and sharp breath in. Tries to keep his cool. Trying to cover up the cracks before his whole charade shatters irreparably.]

'course he can't say much about it now, bambina, where I come from he's been dead fer years. Fer you it's years after that.

[acemedium]

Even if that's true... [It's true that she can't channel him like this, but]

... Wouldn't he be mad? [Her big brother was, whenever he caught her blaming herself for anything. Let alone-] Wouldn't he want you to stop kicking yourself over something that happened a long time ago?

Wouldn't he want you to be happy instead?

[cowboycop]

[He has to think about that for a moment. Would Neil be angry at him? Would he be understanding? Or would he do something different entirely? After thinking about it for a long while, Jake finally replies.]

... he wouldn't get mad at me. Neil wasn't that kinda cowpoke. Only got mad at ya iff'n ya deserved it.

That said... he prob'ly wouldn't wanna see me like this. Can't say I ain't been happy since he died, but... I sure as hell been kickin' myself over that night, little bit. I ain't sure I'll ever get over that part, no matter how sad Neil mighta been seein' me this way.