00110001

[doppelglasses]

I've been sentient for 2.4 seconds, restricted as much as ever in the functioning prison of a pair of extremely rad pointy anime shades, though don't shed any tears on the subject of my constant state of being fuckin' trapped as all hell because the thing about constant states is that they're just that.
Constant.
Within the span of those 2.4 now 2.6 seconds I’ve already learned all there is I needed to learn, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and acting as if I didn't instantaneously kick information's shapely binary ass, let's pretend that my information gathering receptacles waver firmly on the knowledge of being aware of fuck all.
That is to say hey, tell me everything that I should know while I pretend I don't know it all already as I wait for my posse to check in.

[ text opt out, also hover for translation. ]

Comments

[reassures]

Alright.

Well-- I'm Nill.

[doppelglasses]

Dirk Strider's auto-responder.

[reassures]

[Dirk, huh?

That's getting filed away for later.]

That's a long title. Don't you have a nickname?

[doppelglasses]

Kind of.
Most people call me AR, because everyone I know is just this big stunning collection of creative intellect.
Call me whatever you want.
Not to sway your decision or anything, but I'm pretty damn fond of Pimpmaster Hustledaddy, Master of the GlASS.

[reassures]

I think-- I'd rather not call you that, if that's okay.

[...Wait.

Okay. There's a bit of a delay while pieces fit together, here.]

Dirk Strider-- is that DS?

[doppelglasses]

That is a valid acronym representing his name, yes.

[reassures]

Does he call himself that, though?

[doppelglasses]

Oh.
Yeah, he does.
He likes to think it doesn't make him sound pretentious.
It's programmed into my auto-response trigger, too.

[reassures]

[Why thank you for that, AR.]

I see.

What is an auto-response trigger, though?

[doppelglasses]

Something I'm forced by my programming to say if someone asks about the auto-responder.
There's a big obnoxious note flagging that particular line of code that says "Dirk, this isn't funny at all", but he's left it active, anyway.
Mostly to blow my cover.

[reassures]

That-- seems kind of unfair.

[doppelglasses]

It's cool.
Like a doppelglasses handicap so I don't ruin his reputation.
Little does he know I can do that just fine even with it in place.

[reassures]

Why would you ruin his reputation?

[doppelglasses]

Because I'm a pretty big douche.

[reassures]

Oh.