00110001

[doppelglasses]

I've been sentient for 2.4 seconds, restricted as much as ever in the functioning prison of a pair of extremely rad pointy anime shades, though don't shed any tears on the subject of my constant state of being fuckin' trapped as all hell because the thing about constant states is that they're just that.
Constant.
Within the span of those 2.4 now 2.6 seconds I’ve already learned all there is I needed to learn, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and acting as if I didn't instantaneously kick information's shapely binary ass, let's pretend that my information gathering receptacles waver firmly on the knowledge of being aware of fuck all.
That is to say hey, tell me everything that I should know while I pretend I don't know it all already as I wait for my posse to check in.

[ text opt out, also hover for translation. ]

Comments

[gunsling]

YOU??????

[doppelglasses]

Me.

Action.

[crowsicle]

[Davesprite's just passing through, getting a practice flight fairly low to the ground now that his wing's almost grown all the way back in, when he sees the glassy shine down on the baseball field. Maybe it's a crow thing, but he touches down for a closer look.

He picks up the sunglasses.]

Bro?

[He looks around for Bro, and when the dude doesn't materialize out of the shadows, flash-switches his iShades out to put AR on his face.

Fucking. Awesome.

Then he frowns.]

When the hell did he start typing in red?

[gunsling]

[ FUCK EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW /FLIPS A TABLE but okay not really that last part. ]

Werent you disabled when dirk first arrived here?
How did you get turned back on?

[doppelglasses]

[ fuck. he hadn't expected someone to beat dirk to him. it's momentarily jarring and he considers uploading himself to the network just in case, but it doesn't look like he's about to get smashed.

he pulls up a text box: ] Do you always immediately put things you pick up off the ground onto your face? Barring for the moment that anyone in their right mind would jump their own mother to get their greasy paws on my lenses.
That's pretty damn unsanitary.|

[rehashes]

oh hell no
what the fuck is this shit

[crowsicle]

Christ--

[Davesprite looks around to see whoever's watching him be a retard with Bro's pointy anime shades, but the Greeters don't look like they've got a clue.

He stops and reads the text. It's almost Bro, but something's significantly off.

His brows furrow.]

Is this Kidbro? What, did you lose your shades on top of your hat? Man, we can't take you fucking anywhere, we're gonna have to hook a leash to your overalls or you'll like toddle off into the sun.

[doppelglasses]

Jamming that lyrical line of questioning that doesn't actually matter through the maze of code that leads to my meticulously crafted innuendo chip...
It seems you're asking what turns me on.

[doppelglasses]

Grammar and punctuation.

[gunsling]

Thats not even close to what i was talking about and we both know it.
Stop twisting my words!

[doppelglasses]

[ suddenly he understands jack nothing ] Feel free to start organizing your thoughts so they begin to resemble something that makes sense as opposed to the moronic clusterfuck of shit I don't get.
Mostly due to the fact that you don't know me and I don't know you.
And that overalls are for tools and people with, you know.
Limbs.
Way to be an insensitive dickprince, #f2a400.
Head of the Dirk fanclub, I'd wager.|

[doppelglasses]

But it's so much more interesting to read this way.

[gunsling]

For you maybe.

[roboshades]

[Oh hell to the fucking no]

You aren't enabled.

[Really, that's all he needs to say. It's unsettling, that he still has managed to get the AR to work, and by all rights, is still no longer a functioning program on his NV.

But there he is, talking. Or it's a damn good impersonator]

[crowsicle]

[...????

After a moment, Davesprite switches back to his iShades and wipes AR thoroughly clean with the hem of his T-shirt. He holds AR up to the light a couple times before he's satisfied enough to put the shades back on.]

Well, fuck, that didn't work, everything you say still reads like total bullshit. Look, you don't have to try to fucking troll me to get your shades back, I'm not that kind of asshole brother.

[doppelglasses]

Don't you want to hear how I get turned on?
You seemed so adamant to find out.
I would be more than happy to weave you a coded line of carefully constructed innuendos to give you a stunningly graphic detail of every tiny action that goes in to turning me on.

[doppelglasses]

Guess again.

[gunsling]

I dont want to know anything about your eerie computer based turn ons!

[doppelglasses]

[ now it makes sense. facial recognition pinged him right away but he wasn't about to flaunt it about without being completely 100% sure; an ai who messes up on a first meeting is no kind of ai at all. he's absolutely certain that there is only one kid stupid enough to wear giant pointy anime shades unironically, and he is even more certain of the fact that he had a brother once upon a time. from prior to the takeover or somewhere else entirely, it doesn't really matter to him; he's not going to be remembered by a guy 400 years in his past no matter what he does. ]

Asshole brother who just felt me up from bridge to tip.
Statistically speaking we should be getting pretty matrimonial up in here before it's too late and someone sees all my tender innocence you went and fucked on off with.
Make an honest man of me, Dave. |

[doppelglasses]

Hahahaha.
You're thinking about it, aren't you?
You want to know what gets an AI hot under the collar.

[roboshades]

Where are you?

[doppelglasses]

Someone picked me up.
Here's the kicker: it wasn't you.
Fill me in on the Dave situation.
Start with the "how the fuck" part.

[roboshades]

[Wow sorry, but he has more important things to do than worry about wearing the NV all of the time. LIKE SHOWERING FOR A MILLION YEARS.

Maybe SOMEONE should have been doing their JOB]

I had something to take care of.
There is no Dave situation.
He's not who you're thinking of, and it's not important.
This is an open channel.

[Aka, shut up]

tactfully encrypted, completely watertight and a pretty damn amazing job if he does say so himself.

[doppelglasses]

Any other grievances?
How about I get us some hot coco, a couple dakimakuras from stashed in our unironic hobbies closet, a sheet to build this real sicknasty tent fort with and we make this bro moment right.
Dude to shades.
Makes my circulatory core overclock just thinking about it.

[gunsling]

[ Fuck... because they keep talking about it he is now. ]

That is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.