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[doppelglasses]

I've been sentient for 2.4 seconds, restricted as much as ever in the functioning prison of a pair of extremely rad pointy anime shades, though don't shed any tears on the subject of my constant state of being fuckin' trapped as all hell because the thing about constant states is that they're just that.
Constant.
Within the span of those 2.4 now 2.6 seconds I’ve already learned all there is I needed to learn, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and acting as if I didn't instantaneously kick information's shapely binary ass, let's pretend that my information gathering receptacles waver firmly on the knowledge of being aware of fuck all.
That is to say hey, tell me everything that I should know while I pretend I don't know it all already as I wait for my posse to check in.

[ text opt out, also hover for translation. ]

Comments

[doppelglasses]

Taking me home to meet your parents on a first date? Shit, man, I don't know if I'm ready. |

[crowsicle]

Well fuck, I'm only thirteen, I've gotta get my legal guardian to sign off on our wedding date and Bro just so happens to be here doing jack shit on the couch like always.

[doppelglasses]

If we're talking in technicalities, I'm going on three.
Way to rob the cradle, bro.
That's like nine different levels of illegal.
I won't tell if you don't. |

[crowsicle]

My beak is sealed, man. I'll built us a nest out of shitty swords and smuppet butts and if your momma comes looking I'll hide you in my feathers. No one will ever know.

[doppelglasses]

Wasn't gonna ask but drawing attention to it ironically (respect, for the record) piques my curiosity chip and I can't stop myself from asking.
What's with the whole,
You know.
Oompa Loompa getup.
We get it, they're rad little fucks but you don't see me jumping into a bath of orange dye.
You could cosplay a carrot and rap about vitamin B to all the little shits unable to tie their own shoelaces. |

[crowsicle]

What, this?

[He shrugs.]

Wasn't my first choice of color to be honest, but the salon was all out of red. Long story short, my friends fucked up this game I was playing and I had to do some ad hoc troubleshooting. And all I got was this shitty paint job.

[doppelglasses]

Right. |

[ sounds like a cue not to keep pressing. he leaves the conversation open to a continuance anyway. ]

[crowsicle]

Yeah. P.S., don't install a game called SBURB on yourself, okay? The game's total shit. I'd write a review in GameBro if that rag was still around. And if it wouldn't be a colossal mind-numbing waste of my time.

[doppelglasses]

The sentiment would be appreciated if you weren't 100% too late.
I'm Jane's acting server player. |

[crowsicle]

Oh goddammit. I thought you guys hadn't started yet.

[Wait.]

Acting server player? Does that mean Minibro's not playing?

[doppelglasses]

Last I checked from my point of reference, Dirk was otherwise preoccupied.
But take out the uncertainty that seems to have jacked on in that statement; dude's busy, I've seen it.
Humans can only perform so many tasks at once. |

[crowsicle]

So he's going to.

[Davesprite...doesn't really know how to feel about that. It's not like he saw his bro die because of the game or anything, but.]

Do you know how long you've got to get him in yet or are you flying this thing blind?

[doppelglasses]

The percentage of certainty I've got wrapped up in that particular answer is firmly set way down in the vicinity of embarrassingly low.
So I'm not gonna answer.
Jane was first priority, my meatpile neurotwin can handle whatever's thrown his way.
I'd be able to, if I were him.
And would you look at that, I am him. Makes me some kind of wicked authority on all him related subjects. |

[crowsicle]

Ha, yeah, I know that feel, bro.

[Davesprite raises a fist, waits the moment necessary for an imaginary bunp, then lowers it and slides his hands into his hoodie pockets.]

Real Dave's kicking it around here somewhere, being all a year older and human and shit.

[doppelglasses]

Yeah, Dirk told me.
Two Daves and neither of them are the one we know of. |

[crowsicle]

Which one do you know?

[doppelglasses]

The superstar hotshot who kicked the collective ass of the world in gear and entertained the masses with a movie like a red cape to attract a hairspray harpy. |

[crowsicle]

...Huh. I haven't met that one yet. Though I guess Dave has a cape he can wave around if you want. It's red, if that helps.

[doppelglasses]

Red-text Dave has yet to realize who I am, sadly.
But I'm proud of his choice in fashion.
Brings a tear to the corner of my lenses. |

[crowsicle]

[Shrug.]

Yeah, well, we Daves dress pretty sharp but we're not always the most personally observant. We've got walls and shit. Or so I'm programmed to think.

[doppelglasses]

Programmed. |

[crowsicle]

You're a server player, right? You see the glowing seizure kernel that comes out of the thing yet?

[doppelglasses]

It's in Jane's house.
Needless to say, she's a little preoccupied. |

[crowsicle]

It's called a kernelsprite. I jumped in there to help past me out and now I know all sorts of shit about his character arc and personal quest. Some of which I know from being him, but, you know. Now with fifty percent more shitty bird's-eye perspective or something.