[Text: Locked to the Homestuck Cast]

[crowsicle]

john rose get in here right now
if you do not present your asses here in this memo where i can see them i am going to seriously flip the fuck out
you will not have asses by the time i am done with you
your grandchildren will be born assless
i cant even
guys you better be here

jade disappeared and i cant find dave

john rose get in here right now
if you do not present your asses here in this memo where i can see them i am going to seriously flip the fuck out
you will not have asses by the time i am done with you
your grandchildren will be born assless
i cant even
guys you better be here

jade disappeared and i cant find dave

Comments

[gunsling]

[ He was going to assure Davesprite that John's grandkid at least definitely has an ass, but OOPS what is this about Jade gone missing? ]

WHAT???

[crowsicle]

you
ok fuck you have you seen her anywhere

[gunsling]

I wouldnt be reacting with this sort of alarm if i had!
What happened to her??????

[crowsicle]

i dont know
she was there and then she was just goddamn GONE like fucking casper or some shit

[gunsling]

You saw it?

[crowsicle]

sprite powers

[gunsling]

That means a lot less to me than i assume it does to you.
What exactly do sprite powers entail and how does that mean you know jade pulled a friendly ghost act on us?

[crowsicle]

hrrrrnnngh
i gave her a magic thing so she could call me up if she needed me so i just know ok

[gunsling]

You gave her a magical phone?

[crowsicle]

for the purposes of this conversation yes i fucking gave her an enchanted prepaid blackberry with unlimited data
and the gps done took a swan dive into the electronic abyss so obviously something happened

[gunsling]

She cant have gone far though.
Its not as if theres any easy way off this island.

[crowsicle]

well she must like it hard because shes not on it anymore

[gunsling]

Thats impossible!

[crowsicle]

look man shes NOT HERE
maybe she pulled a rose style brb on us or maybe shes legit awol but shes gone and if dave is too im gonna like
establish a one man fucking circus troupe off the handle because
this is bulbshit

[gunsling]

Nevermind your comical misspellings and pointless freak outs right now!
You cant know shes gone for sure until youve gone and searched for her.
Which is something i personally plan to set out to do effective immediately.

[crowsicle]

im already on it you presumptuous douche
its fucking stupid
but by this point theres no one better at futile searches than me
im goddamn galahad after the holy fail
go back to your little hideyhole and leave the questing to the big boys ok

[gunsling]

If you think im about to leave her safety squarely on your shoulders and do nothing myself youre in for a nasty disappointment!

[crowsicle]

fine whatever get yourself killed i dont care
im not pulling your ass out of the fire
i am officially done hauling charred rumps out of idiotic self imposed conflagrations
consider this my resignation letter and take the last three years i had to redo as my two weeks notice
im out

[gunsling]

Considering i never once asked for you to this suits me just fine!
I have been taking care of myself for years and ill keep doing it without some orange text butthole insulting me at every turn.