001 [Video]: Oh, Canada.

[vaguelysauntered]

[The NV turns on, showing a very sleek-looking dark-haired man with sharp cheekbones and sunglasses smirking at the camera. Even over the NV, one can tell that this is a person who knows he's better than everyone else around him- there is no uncertainty in his features, just full-on arrogance. When he finally speaks, his English accent is so smooth one can practically roll a carpet on it.]

Well, let's see here. You know, I've been going through this thing's previous posts and such, and wow, all the entries from people who have just arrived really share a lot in common. You'd think that there's some kind of checklist that we have to get through once we arrive. Like, number one, you must certainly, without a doubt, ask "where am I?" or "what is going on?" or "why have I been dragged across time and space itself to the wretched wannabe of a place that is Canada?" Because finding out things by asking people who might lie to your face instead of quietly gathering information by your lonesome is clearly the way to go.

[A pause as he lets that sink in.]

Second, you must ask where your friends or family or dog or beloved garden gnome is in this place. Which, most of the time, results in nothing but statements like "No, I haven't seen your gnome" to "Oh, yes, your gnome was here before, but I'm not sure where he's gone off to now, sorry about that".So why bother asking? No, I'm going to skip that part entirely- I've already checked the NV for the people I know and they're not here, so, just look at all the time I saved.

Third, you may either a), mention that you "can't stay here because you have something important to go back to" or b), basically give your whole life story to people because you can. I'm not doing the first option because, frankly, I'd rather not repeat the Apocalypse all over again, thank you, and I'm not doing the second one because, honestly, I'd rather keep all of you in the dark. Why in the world should I reveal who I am or what I do without knowing exactly who lives in this place?

[He grins widely.]

What I can tell you is that the name's Crowley. [He pronounces it like it rhymes with "holy".] Anthony J. Crowley. And I do not need your pats on the back or your offers to be my best friend ever or your little cheerful fake welcomes. All I need is information about the darkness at night and how this city works and other such things.

Do be nice and provide it to me. I'm sure a few of you have the collective brain to do so.

Comments

video;

[paterelohim]

[Not... sure if want. He's an angel, but- fallen. More than Fallen in the Anna, Cas, or even Gabriel sense- but different than Lucifer. And... Crowley?]

Crowley? Really?

permatext

[hejhej]

I didn't ask any of these questions.

Where do I fit in?

video;

[vaguelysauntered]

Yes, really. What, have a problem with it? It's a perfectly fine name.

text forever

[vaguelysauntered]

Well, you'd be one of the more interesting ones, then. You don't fit in with the status quo. Like me.

But whether that's a good thing or not has yet to be seen.

video;

[paterelohim]

Are you a demon?

[Voice]

[integrity]

You are saying it completely wrong.

[The laziest British accent you have ever heard.]

[hejhej]

I highly doubt I'm like you.

[she doesn't take too kindly to people thinking she can be compared.]

[Voice]

[vaguelysauntered]

[EXCUSE ME DID YOU JUST DISS HIS NAME]

Look who's talking. Who taught you how to speak in that accent, your ex-girlfriend from Wales?

[vaguelysauntered]

Oh, I meant in a general sense. Of course you're not like me.

Nobody is like me.

video;

[vaguelysauntered]

[A pause as he gives the camera a suspicious, but curious look.]

Depends on who's asking.

[Basically, he's not just telling anyone unless you tell who you are, man. >BI]

[hejhej]

[his response elicits a smirk from her.]

I like how you think.

[vaguelysauntered]

Do you?

[He can't help but smirk as well. Hey, he couldn't help it, he liked compliments.]

So, about that question of mine from before. Got any answers worth mentioning?

[Voice]

[integrity]

The whore from Cambridge, actually.

[So not even bothered.]

I've been waiting quite the long time to meet you, but I have to say, I'm actually rather disappointed.

video;

[paterelohim]

The prophet Chuck. [Yes, Crowley, prophets are basket cases in every world.] There's already a demon named Crowley here but he's from my world.

[Voice]

[vaguelysauntered]

Like them smart, huh? Though looks like she didn't teach you a single bit of knowledge worth using.

[He pauses for a moment, eyes narrowing behind his shades, before replying, coolly:]

My, didn't know I had an entire welcoming party waiting for me. And disappointment? What, should I have brought a pony along with me? I know I should have brought one along, I know little bratty girls always love those things.

[Video]

[ofthursday]

Are you the Crowley from Aziraphale's world?

[And he pronounces your name his Crowley's way. Sorry bro.]

[hejhej]

[thinking about the darkness makes her skin crawl.]

Stay out of the darkness. Nothing but evil comes from it. You'll also hear alot about these companies called SERO and AGI.

From what I've gathered, they're the silent governors of this place.

[Voice]

[integrity]

He was rather well-read and a wonderful investment.

[trolololo]

The name's Crowley. I rule Hell.

Excuse me if you're offended, but you sound like something of a bitch.

I'd like my name back, please.

video;

[vaguelysauntered]

Wait, prophet? [He has had not good experiences with prophets, though to be fair, Agnes Nutter did help him and the angel more than once.] And Chuck? What, did they run out of "Bob" in the lot of baby names worth using and had to settle for second best?

[A frown.] A demon named Crowley, huh? Typical. Someone just has to steal my name and prance around as if he owns the bloody thing. I've heard him mentioned in a few posts I've looked at, he seems like quite the imbecile...

[Video | Offline]

[integrity]

Don't speak to him, you'll ruin your brain cell count more than you already have.

[JUST GETTING ALL UP IN YOUR SHIT.]

video.

[ex_stakes70]

Well aren't you just buckets of sunshine and puppies? [ But really it's time for srs bzns. ] You had me at Apocalypse. Which one?

[ video ]

[hostage]

[Hey, he's special. His first post had nothing to do with any of that shit.]

Uh... Basically if you hear the sirens and it's getting dark, get your ass inside.

[Video | Offline]

[ofthursday]

[This face across the room, Crowley.]

video;

[paterelohim]

Uh, dude? It's his name.

Listen... you're actually hilariously dead wrong about that? But - wait.

[Finally it clicks.]

Are you Aziraphale's Crowley?

[Voice]

[vaguelysauntered]

Did he read bedtime stories to you from the works of Tolstoy as you went to sleep? Awwww, how adorable.

[Don't mind if he snickers a bit.]

You? Rule that place? Please, I've heard of wanting to be like the Devil but you're really taking it too far.

And I'm not offended at all. It's practically a compliment.

And no, you give me back your name. Who knows what you've been up to with it, tarnishing my good name for who knows how long.