001 (VIDEO)

[bestie]

- a camera? That wasn't there before!

[The lower half of someone's face filters into focus, right up against the lens. Hope you don't mind an extreme close-up of someone's chin, because that's what you're getting while Jane tries to sort this out.]

Roxy, are you even listening to me?

[Meanwhile, this other person's squealing up a storm in the background.] Janeeeeeeey! Can you fucking believe this shit? It's, like, one second, I'm scramming from the scene -- ravenous creeps all over the damn place, Jane, you wouldn't even believe -- and now!

[There's a pause.] Heh... I hope you're not mad at me still! It's not like I meant to fall on you.

[And then another excited squeal.] Janeyyyy! Come here, ya damn tightass. [Roxy suddenly pulls the other girl in for yet another forceful hug, just before noticing the object in her hands.] What the fuck are you doing with that shit, eh? Didn't I tell you to toss it?

I'm trying to figure out when- [She lets out a little yelp and drops the Tiaratop. It clatters down to the dirt, still recording the girls' feet.] -when it got a camera feature! Something's really fishy about this.

[A pause as Jane leans down to pick up the device. She looks right into the camera.]

Wait, is this thing recording?

I told you not to trust the Batterwitch's shit, Jane. When are you ever gonna learn?

[That last question catches her attention, though.] Oh, really? [She shoves her face right against Jane's cheek to fit into the camera's view.

And now she's making kissy faces at the camera and winking suggestively. Yep.]

((OOC: Jane and Roxy! Apologies for the bright colors ;_;))

Comments

Voice.

[crowsicle]

[Hellooooooo mama...citas?

Why do they look so familiar.]

And there they go. The new chicks HAVE the network's attention. But it turns out to be CRAZY what kind of luck these broads have, I'm telling you random teleportations like that are unreal, they don't even HAPPEN. Most of the time.

Sup. Welcome to Canada.

Video for them!

[bestie]

[And now there's no video coming from Jane's tiara -- just a voice? Even more curious.

In all the excitement of meeting her BFF, it hasn't even occurred to Roxy to ask, 'Hey, so where the fuck are we?'. So now that this dude has finally shed some light on the situation...

She decides to humor him a little.]

You're serious?

[crowsicle]

Is this the fine disembodied voice of a dude who would lie to you? Ask anybody, they only accept payment here in maple leaves and hockey tickets.

[mustaches]

That's exactly what that other guy said!

[Jane sounds completely exasperated by this point. She's moving the tiaratop all around, trying to figure out why this one doesn't have an image with it.]

[bestie]

Are you dudes even aware of how effing creepy you sound?

[Roxy places her hand on Jane's arm to stop her from moving the tiaratop about.] There's obviously nothing wrong with it, Jane. Looks to me like he's purposely keeping the video off on his end.

[A pause.] Maybe he's fug.

[crowsicle]

Wow, fuckin' rude. Now I don't know if you deserve to be graced by the vision of this celestial body, I don't want to be responsible for two cases of uncontrollable swooning. Maybe you should stick to that other guy, he sounds like he knows what the fuck is going on.

[mustaches]

[In a clearly audible whisper:] Lalonde, stop being rude! You're going to make him mad!

[Then, back to the camera.] Yeah, but it still sounds like a lot of hogwash.

[crowsicle]

Well then I hope you brought your finest damn Christmas ham, because this island is fucking floating on an ocean of pig water. Between the living night terrors, the superpowers, and the weirdos who show up here, you could probably drown about five years' worth of all the squealing porkers you can eat.

[bestie]

[Roxy shrugs, and speaks really loudly in return to Jane:] What the fuck is he gonna do?

[But what Davesprite has to say causes her to burst into laughter.] Okay, now you're sounding like my kinda dude. Now stop being dumb and show us your face!

Voice --> Video.

[crowsicle]

Hahaha, fine, keep your panties on.

[There's a rustling noise then the creak of a door. The video feed turns on to show a feathery orange version of the dude they were already talking to. He backs up from the bathroom mirror and crosses his arms over his chest.]

Okay, now you can lose them.

[mustaches]

[Holy shit he's orange what is this]

Oh! Uh...

[bestie]

[...]

What.

[Sorry that 1) these two broads are not very receptive, and 2) this particular one is a bit blunt, Davesprite.]

[crowsicle]

Yeah, I know I'm literally too fucking hot for the English language to describe.

[He shrugs. No big deal.]

So when you girls finish getting your eyefuls of my fine feathery flesh, you think I can answer anything else for you. You might've noticed, but this ain't your mama's British Columbia.

[mustaches]

British Columbia? But that isn't far from Washington at all! I bet it wouldn't take long to get there if we could get our hands on a ride.

[Sudden hope, however brief. Sorry, Jane, Canada's bigger than you're thinking. Not to mention that you'd die trying to leave.]

[crowsicle]

You could probably get your hands on it, but you'd just be doggy-paddling in circles. I hear if you get too far from this place, you drop dead. Something about a Core in the middle of the city that's way too much bullshit for me to repeat.

[He hesitates, then asks:]

You're from Washington, too?

[Because she bears a bucktoothed resemblance to someone he knows, and it's starting to get freaky.]

[bestie]

[Roxy's eyebrows are knitted together in confusion. None of this is making any sense!] So you're saying we're trapped here?

[mustaches]

Yeah, Maple Valley. [Her eyes light up a little.] Are you from Washington too?

[crowsicle]

Blondie gets a prize, but no candy corn for you, Problem Sleuth. Can't you tell I fell straight down from heaven?

[The Texan accent might give it a little bit away. Still, he's got more important things to worry about than whether or not the girls can tell he's from the South.

This chick is basically girl John. She's John Egbert with tits. And didn't her name start with a J? And she's from Wherever-the-Hell, Washington state?]

You got a last name to go with that obviously coincidental address?

[bestie]

[Meanwhile, Roxy's tapping her finger on her lips, scrutinizing Davesprite's appearance while Jane makes her response.]

So, are you ever gonna tell us why you're orange and covered in feathers? And why you look just like that other cutie?

[mustaches]

[Jane shoots Roxy a clear "That was rude!" glance.]

It's Crocker. And what do you mean, "coincidental"?

[crowsicle]

[Crocker?]

What, like Betty Crocker? Ahahaha, Jesus, John's going to flip his shit when he finds out who's squatting in his hood. He is going to build a goddamn trebuchet and take a dump in the thing and catapult his fucking shit. Hahaha, Christ.

[He shakes his head and then addresses Roxy.]

I ollied out of heaven smack into a Doritos factory. You been talking to Dave?