[Accidental Video --> Text] Back-dated to 5-ish this afternoon

[crowsicle]

[The feed clicks on to an aerial view of Siren's Port, just above the rooftops. The camera lingers only briefly on any sight before panning abruptly to something else without giving the viewer time to focus. It dips suddenly and a rooftop rushes up towards the screen, but there's a great flapping noise and the view slows to a stop about five feet above the roof.

Something orange can be seen near the bottom of the screen, but then the view lifts again to scan the dull, cloudy sky. The view is blocked again suddenly by the same orange streaked with liquid yellow--a hand? The view is jostled, and someone lets out a terse, shaky breath.

Whoever it is then seems to notice that the video is recording.] What the fuck.

[The video feed ends. This text hits the network shortly afterwards:]

ok
i call party foul
not only did someone bust a keg open over their moms priceless shitstain of an oriental rug but looks like they dropped the whole universe down on our upward gaping faces
president obama himself revokes the frats party license because its such a goddamn national travesty
whose planet is this even
is it the land of fuck and you because this isnt my stop im turning this bus around
seriously
wtf
this place doesnt belong here
im basically a feathery teenage game guide at this point and i got nothing that accounts for some crapsack frozen city popping up out of nowhere
so what asshole jacked this shit into their garage sale gameshark
whoever it is press left a b start select right now or im gonna pull a hard reset on their zit encrusted face
fistways
what im asking i guess
since i had my hands full retconning the universe for anyone whos still got the internet connection to read this
is whose shit do i need to wreck for this inconsiderate fubar

ok
i call party foul
not only did someone bust a keg open over their moms priceless shitstain of an oriental rug but looks like they dropped the whole universe down on our upward gaping faces
president obama himself revokes the frats party license because its such a goddamn national travesty
whose planet is this even
is it the land of fuck and you because this isnt my stop im turning this bus around
seriously
wtf
this place doesnt belong here
im basically a feathery teenage game guide at this point and i got nothing that accounts for some crapsack frozen city popping up out of nowhere
so what asshole jacked this shit into their garage sale gameshark
whoever it is press left a b start select right now or im gonna pull a hard reset on their zit encrusted face
fistways
what im asking i guess
since i had my hands full retconning the universe for anyone whos still got the internet connection to read this
is whose shit do i need to wreck for this inconsiderate fubar

Comments

[crowsicle]

yeah i know the trolls
theyve been grinding so hard on my dick the past few years you could say i know them intimately biblically or pornographically take your pick
every pore of their body and souls been laid bare before my dexterous caressing hands
im grossing myself out here
who are you and how do you know the trolls

[gunsling]

More than i ever wanted to hear but noted.
Since you asked so rudely however its only fair to introduce myself.
My name is jake english and while i dont know any of the particular trolls who happen to be here on this island i was acquainted with one back on my world.
Now then would you mind returning the favor?

[crowsicle]

im clementine cocksicle
hot and horny and waiting for you
a/s/l

[gunsling]

Now im certain youre messing with me for some reason.

[crowsicle]

seems you think i get off on jerking you around like a largemouth bass at the tiger woods fishing tournament
not my fault youre such a gullible stooge you swallow everything thats thrown at you
hahaha j e man thats hilarious
i bet you think ghost rider was a good movie too

[gunsling]

Tiger woods the golfer?
And of course i do!
It was a great movie but i dont see how thats relevant to any of this.

[crowsicle]

oh my god
its like talking to alt canadian john who forgot i existed
oh wait thats every john nvm

[gunsling]

John...
John as in jades friend john?

[crowsicle]

how the fuck do you know jade

[gunsling]

Aha!
So it is the same john then?

[crowsicle]

hey guess what i suddenly dont care
all the caring i was doing sprouted two flappy little wings and fucked off
are you a troll
how do you know jade

[gunsling]

Considering i was forthcoming with information and you werent im really not feeling all that inclined to tell you right now.

[crowsicle]

i will hunt you down through time and make you eat my corvid dick
you will shit feathers for a year
is that forthcoming enough for you cocksquire

[gunsling]

Right now it sounds to me like youre enthusiastically asking me to hang up this nv on you and leave you to your own devices.

[crowsicle]

im enthusiastically fucking telling you to explain to me how you know a girl who grew up alone on an island in the middle of fuckall nowhere
if youre not one of the trolls i dont have beef with you
but if you are ive got some double whopper value meals to fry on your shitstained face

[gunsling]

Give me a name and maybe ill actually consider giving you an answer to that.
Or maybe i really will just turn this off now and not waste my time talking to the fuckhead making threats at me!!

[crowsicle]

how about i brand my initials onto your ass before i wreck it
d s one on each jiggling globe
youd like that wouldnt you you enormous ballsucking turdlicker

[gunsling]

Ds???
Enough of this damned buffoonery!!
Who the flying frig are you and how exactly do YOU know jade?

[crowsicle]

alright
im dave motherfucking strider
jades one of mine
and if youre some kind of obtuse thirties lingo troll after her im going to have to kindly ask you to step off
right off into thirty feet of go fuck yourself with a handsaw

[gunsling]

Dave strider?
That must be some sort of joke the real dave strider is already here ive spoken to him on more than one occasion.

[crowsicle]

oh my GOD you really are john
you are johns asshattiest saskatchewan doppelganger
pry open your raw spasming asshole and drive in another five feet of serrated steel for me ok
i am a real dave

[End transmission.]

[gunsling]

[ ... He's not sure what just happened, but oops. ]