[Accidental Video --> Text] Back-dated to 5-ish this afternoon

[crowsicle]

[The feed clicks on to an aerial view of Siren's Port, just above the rooftops. The camera lingers only briefly on any sight before panning abruptly to something else without giving the viewer time to focus. It dips suddenly and a rooftop rushes up towards the screen, but there's a great flapping noise and the view slows to a stop about five feet above the roof.

Something orange can be seen near the bottom of the screen, but then the view lifts again to scan the dull, cloudy sky. The view is blocked again suddenly by the same orange streaked with liquid yellow--a hand? The view is jostled, and someone lets out a terse, shaky breath.

Whoever it is then seems to notice that the video is recording.] What the fuck.

[The video feed ends. This text hits the network shortly afterwards:]

ok
i call party foul
not only did someone bust a keg open over their moms priceless shitstain of an oriental rug but looks like they dropped the whole universe down on our upward gaping faces
president obama himself revokes the frats party license because its such a goddamn national travesty
whose planet is this even
is it the land of fuck and you because this isnt my stop im turning this bus around
seriously
wtf
this place doesnt belong here
im basically a feathery teenage game guide at this point and i got nothing that accounts for some crapsack frozen city popping up out of nowhere
so what asshole jacked this shit into their garage sale gameshark
whoever it is press left a b start select right now or im gonna pull a hard reset on their zit encrusted face
fistways
what im asking i guess
since i had my hands full retconning the universe for anyone whos still got the internet connection to read this
is whose shit do i need to wreck for this inconsiderate fubar

ok
i call party foul
not only did someone bust a keg open over their moms priceless shitstain of an oriental rug but looks like they dropped the whole universe down on our upward gaping faces
president obama himself revokes the frats party license because its such a goddamn national travesty
whose planet is this even
is it the land of fuck and you because this isnt my stop im turning this bus around
seriously
wtf
this place doesnt belong here
im basically a feathery teenage game guide at this point and i got nothing that accounts for some crapsack frozen city popping up out of nowhere
so what asshole jacked this shit into their garage sale gameshark
whoever it is press left a b start select right now or im gonna pull a hard reset on their zit encrusted face
fistways
what im asking i guess
since i had my hands full retconning the universe for anyone whos still got the internet connection to read this
is whose shit do i need to wreck for this inconsiderate fubar

Comments

[scalemates]

H4H4H4H4
OHHHH
1 S33
W3LL TH3N
WOULDNT YOU L1K3 TO KNOW >;]

[ meaning nothing of the sort has happened. but she's secretly hoping karkat will see this because then he'll have a conniption and that? is fucking hilarious. ]

[crowsicle]

shit
did you get him pregnant yet

[scalemates]

D4V3S1CL3
1 GOT H1M *SO* PR3GN4NT
YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW
1T WOULD B3 1MPOSS1BL3 TO D3SCR1B3 TH3 L3NGTHS OF PR3GN4T1ON TH4T D4V3 W4S
1T W4S
4 V3RY B34UT1FUL SC3NT TO B3HOLD
1F ONLY YOU COULD H4V3 B33N TH3R3 TO 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 JOY 4ND WOND3R
TH3N M4YB3 YOU COULD H4V3 T4K3N SOM3 P1CTUR3S
YOU KNOW
FOR POST3R1TY
4ND
BL4CKM41L >;]

[crowsicle]

well damn
clearly someone has got to catch me up on what has been happened here
jades friends with trolls johns speaking leet and im suddenly a time uncle to the unthinkable horrorspawn of you and daves unholy union
what did you do with the babies did you eat them
thats what you guys do with your grubs or whatever right
instead of kfc you have fried grub bucket specials

[scalemates]

NOT R34LLY
BUT 1NST34D OF GO1NG 1NTO 4 B1G COMPL1C4T3D 3XPL4N4T1ON TH4T 1 KNOW YOUR3 NOT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N
1 4M JUST GO1NG TO S4Y
1TS 4BOUT T1M3 YOU GOT H3R3
J3GUS YOUR3 L4T3

[crowsicle]

yeah
i guess i noticed that
what can i say im a hot commodity
everybody wants a piece of this
cant hardly stick my head outside without someone calling out oh hallelujah its davesprite
quick give him some bullshit mission to complete
that shit piles up but im here now

[scalemates]

Y34H Y34H 1 KNOW
W3R3 4LL F4LL1NG DOWN 4LL TH3S3 COOLK1DS 4ND SH1T >;]
SO D1D 4NYON3 G3T YOU C4UGHT UP??

[crowsicle]

i got the gist of it
time shit
monsters
canada
were the lucky stars of a new reality tv sitcom called my roommate is a troll

[scalemates]

CORR3CT1ON
W3 *W3R3*
1 D3STROY3D 4LL THOS3 C4M3R4S L4ST W33K
SO NOW TH3 PORT H4S TO SUFF3R W1TH R34LLY DUMB HUM4N 3NT3RT41NM3NT
BUT TH3YR3 4LL JUST C4N4D14NS SO 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 C4R3
SO 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO B3 TH3 LUCKY N3W 3D1T1ON TO TH3 H1V3

[crowsicle]

someones gotta keep an eye on you crazy kids and i dont sleep
i mean ive been on babysitting duty basically since i entered the game why stop now
so yeah i guess so
do you have one of those perch swings for me so i can sit and preen my pretty little feathers

[scalemates]

NO BUT 1M SUR3 W3 C4N G3T YOUR BRO LUSUS TO BU1LD YOU ON3

[crowsicle]

[...]

are you talking about dave

[scalemates]

D4V3
1F 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT D4V3
1D S4Y D4V3
DUH

[crowsicle]

who are you talking about

[scalemates]

OH MY GOG
4R3 YOU S3R1OUS >:?

[crowsicle]

look i dont know what dave told you but bros



brb

[scalemates]

H3Y!!!
DONT BRB 4T M3 >:[
1 4M 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF T4LK1NG TO YOU
SO G3T YOUR D3L1C1OUS F34TH3RY 4SS B4CK H3R3

[crowsicle]

[Nope. Between Dave saying pretty much the same thing and then the genuine article turning up like it's the first day of school and he needs to be picked up from the bus stop, satisfying Terezi's colorlust suddenly became a lot less urgent.

Unthinkable, yes. But what can you do.]

[scalemates]

[ BUT NOW TEREZI HAS GUILT!!!!!!! ]