Video...in which there is an abundance of scones

[inthejunk]

[Dawn is barely even trying to tickle the sky awake, but that doesn't seem to be squashing the enthusiasm of that annoying kid who either delivers or abuses pastries for a living -it's difficult to tell at times. There he is, with the usual shit eating customer service grin, hair rustling in the chilly breeze and full of fat, half-melted snowflakes. They don't seem to be bothering him at all.]

Attention, everyone. I'm Hanamura Yosuke. Hello to anyone who is new. There's good news this morning! Due to the weather, the scones from yesterday couldn't be sold at the Funtom bakery. I've had to come up with ways to use them, so I thought I would share.

[It's probably not a good idea to leave a somewhat resentful teenager to his own devices in a place of business. Or so one would believe, given what follows.]

If you grind them up like cat litter, they unstick snow-stuck cars. They can also be used as paper weights, and nut crackers. Some of the children on the playground have used them for stick ball! Really, the uses are endless. So please take them away before someone tries to eat one and breaks a tooth again.

[That slightly sarcastic and generally mean spirited bit of "advertisement" aside, the kid suddenly grows serious.]

Ah...there is one more use for them that I came up with. Since I didn't have anyone to ask for a blessing, I think the direct route will have to do.

[And there, behind him in the snow as he turns and pans the camera out, is one last (and equally unfirtunate) demonstration. There's something written out, huge and painstakingly, all in blueberry scone. There's even a heart made of sprinkled dried cranberry around it, which has bloomed up like rose petals with the moisture of the snow:]

MARRY ME NILL

Comments

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

NO, THIS IS WHERE I CUT IN BECAUSE WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I KNEW HUMANS WERE STUPID BUT THIS TAKES THE CAKE, YOU CAN'T JUST *DO THAT* TO A GIRL.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PULL SHIT LIKE THAT?
THERE'S A THING CALLED MODERATION AND ACTUALLY KNOWING WHEN TO PUSH AND WHEN TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE CHOICES AND *TALK SHIT OVER* BEFORE YOU GO AND MAKE SOME DUMBASS MISTAKE.
IF YOU'RE NOT DATING HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW SHE WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER?
IT'S CALLED STEPS FUCKASS, YOU TAKE THEM ONE AT A TIME UNTIL YOU'RE BOTH COMFORTABLE WITH HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP PANS OUT DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING?
I'M NOT EVEN HUMAN AND I KNOW YOU DON'T FUCKING PROPOSE TO SOMEONE WITHOUT DATING THEM FIRST!
YOU'RE GOING TO PUSH HER TOO FAR AND SHE'S GOING TO GET OVERWHELMED AND THE MORE YOU TRY AND SMOTHER HER THE MORE YOU'RE FUCKING YOURSELF OVER.
DID YOU EVEN *THINK* TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF DOING THIS IN PUBLIC?
BECAUSE NOW SHE MIGHT FEEL OBLIGATED NOT TO LET YOU DOWN, OR FEEL BAD FOR YOU AND YOUR SORRY ASS FOR HOW STUPID YOU ARE AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
IF YOU LOVE NILL WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EMBARRASS HER LIKE THIS AND NOT EVEN *TALK IT OVER WITH HER FIRST*?
THIS IS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK BECAUSE YOU KNOW BEFORE YOU ASK SOMEONE TO MAKE THAT SORT OF COMMITMENT TO YOU *YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP* NUMBNUTS!
SERIOUSLY HOW FUCKING INCONSIDERATE CAN YOU BE?

Re: [Text]

[inthejunk]

WHO IS THIS?

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

MY NAME'S KARKAT AND I'M A FRIEND OF NILL'S, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
DID YOU EVEN FUCKING READ WHAT I JUST SAID?

Re: [Text]

[inthejunk]

Hw mny creeps does she tlk 2 whn I'm nt arnd?

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

ONES WITH BETTER TYPING SKILLS AND MORE COMMON SENSE THAN YOU OBVIOUSLY.

Re: [Text]

[inthejunk]

Yr CAPSLOCK is on.

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

I THINK YOU MEANT "YOUR" BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YR MEANS.
AND YOU'RE AVOIDING THE FUCKING SUBJECT.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT READ THE WISDOM I SO GRACIOUSLY VOMITED FOR YOU?

audio

[inthejunk]

It's a little long winded. Isn't there a Cliff notes version?

audio

[phazeandblood]

[He turns audio on just so you can hear his exasperated sigh.]

No. Now stop being a lazyass and go read it.

Re: audio

[inthejunk]

Nill isn't stupid, you know. If she wanted to say no, that's what she would say.

audio

[phazeandblood]

[He groans at that, and there's a thump of his head hitting a wall.]

I promised Nill I wouldn't call you names but you're making this really fucking hard on me here. Common sense. She said she appreciated what I was trying to do here. She said this came totally out of the blue. Read between the fucking lines.

[reassures]

[Wow okay, she was going to let this slide, but fuck no.]

Do not call my friends creeps.

[inthejunk]

He called me names first!

[reassures]

[Sigh. Hold up, she's getting to that.]

[Text]

[moveslikestrider]

the voice of experience speaks

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

I REALLY JUST WANT TO HIT MYSELF RIGHT NOW WONDERING IF I LOOKED THAT FUCKING STUPID BACK THEN.
BUT KNOWING ME I WAS PROBABLY WORSE AND THAT'S A PAINFUL THOUGHT.

[Text]

[moveslikestrider]

you made grids about how tz was to spend her time
without you know
asking her first
just assumed

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

AND THE TIMES WHEN I REMEMBER WHY I HATE MYSELF SNEAK UP OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE IN MEMORY.
THAT WAS SO PATHETIC AND DICKISH.

[Text]

[moveslikestrider]

you learned from it

[Text]

[phazeandblood]

OBVIOUSLY BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXCUSE THAT IT HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[reassures]

I appreciate what you're doing Karkat, but don't call him names.

[phazeandblood]

I CALL EVERYONE ELSE NAMES, NOT JUST HIM.

[reassures]

I know, but he won't stop unless you do.

[phazeandblood]

FINE, I WON'T CALL HIM NAMES.

[reassures]

Thank you.