[ video ]

[hostage]

[The video's shaky when Jesse starts transmitting. He's at the baseball diamond and it's the middle of winter and he's shivering, dressed for a New Mexico summer in a hoodie that's barely thicker than the t-shirt he's wearing underneath it.]

I'm here.

[He's saying that to the NV, but his attention is away from the camera, directed to the road.]

Where's a goddamn taxi...

[He stops walking for a second and raises the NV so he can talk to it properly.]

I'm here. I'm okay. How long's it been? What year is it?

Comments

[hostage]

[The inexplicable look of guilt hasn't left his face, but he's slowly easing up, or at least remembering what it was like to be with her. He looks like he wants to say something important, but then he changes his mind and looks away, and his next words are quietly pleading:]

Can we go home?

[hejhej]

[She merely nods in response and pulls away from him completely. She walks back over to the motorcycle and goes to put on her helmet, but she pauses.]

I don't have another one, sorry.

[Lisbeth slips it over her head before taking the bike off the kickstand and starting it up. She lifts up her visor and looks at him expectantly.]

[hostage]

[He couldn't care less about bike safety right now. He climbs up onto the motorcycle behind her, and that's when he finally hugs her for real, encircling her in his arms and leaning into her back.]

[hejhej]

[Lisbeth rests her arm over his, cherishing the hug for a moment before finally taking off towards home.]

[hostage]

[He's quiet the entire way, and once they're at the mansion and he's climbing off the bike, it's apparent that he's been crying all the while. He tries to hide the fact, though, turning away to wipe at his eyes with his palms. Then he takes a moment to look around. The place looks more majestic than he remembers it. He was a king here, wasn't he? It's hard to believe.]

[hejhej]

[After lowering the garage door and locking it, she walks to the front door to unlock it. Lisbeth sees how Jesse looks at their house. It's as if he doesn't remember it at all, that it's something new. She opens the door, immediately dropping her helmet onto the floor.]

Everything's still the same in here, nothing's moved.

[She bites the inside of her lip.]

Nill's gone for the day. Do you want me to make you anything?

[hostage]

I'm not hungry.

[He feels queasy, actually, though he can't tell if it's the Pull sickness or his misery that's eating at him. Inside the house, he's touching things: the wall, the light switch, magazines on the side table... He reaches the couch and he sinks into it.]

[hejhej]

[Normally Lisbeth didn't stick her nose in people's business because she didn't like having it done to her, but the way Jesse was acting made her... uncomfortable. She watches the way he walks around the living room until he sits down. Lisbeth stays standing in the hallway for a few seconds until she stands straight.

She walks over to the couch, but instead of sitting next to him, she sits on the coffee table and faces him directly. Lisbeth puts her hands in the pockets of her jacket.]

[hostage]

[Jesse glances at her for just a second before looking down at his hands, picking at the skin around his fingernails. He's like that for a while, letting the silence draw out while he listens to the house creaking, the low hum of the heater, tree branches brushing the windows...

Then, finally, he begins to ask:]

Did anyone...

[But he doesn't know how to finish the sentence. Rather, he chokes on it. He has to clench his jaw and swallow or he's going to cry again.]

[hejhej]

[She wasn't sure what he wanted to ask, but she decided to fill in the blanks.]

Miss you? Get angry? Have their world completely shattered?

[Lisbeth realizes there's a bit of an edge to her voice so she stops before speaking again.]

Of course. But something doesn't feel right with you.

[hostage]

[Her response stuns him. He hadn't even been thinking in those terms. Whether anyone would miss him seems both improbable and insignificant in light of all the terrible things that could have happened while he was gone. He looks at her again, disoriented, but then he exhales slowly in relief.]

Nobody came by? Nobody... Nobody tried anything?

[hejhej]

Just with condolences. Flowers and shit.

[Because flowers would've really brought him back.]

[hostage]

[Jesse's eyes widen and he nearly jumps to his feet, looking all around. He's afraid.]

Where?

[Please say you threw them out.]

[hejhej]

[His reaction startles her and she gets to her feet as well.]

Nill put them in the kitchen, on the island.

[hostage]

[Without any explanation, Jesse darts off into the kitchen. He finds the collection of gifts in there, circling the island cautiously.]

[hejhej]

[She follows closely behind him, taking large strides to keep up.] Jesse.

[But that doesn't make him stop until they're in the kitchen.]

Jesse!

[hostage]

[He's too distracted to answer her, staring down those presents until he's convinced he's not missing any vital clue. When he's apparently satisfied, he takes a step back and lets out a humorless, unhinged little laugh.]

[hejhej]

[This bothers Lisbeth. After the situation diffuses, she grabs him gently by the arm.]

You should take a bath and get some rest. Relax.

[hostage]

I'm a murderer.

[He announces that abruptly, without looking at her. He's still staring at the flowers, refusing to move even when she takes hold of him. But then, after a few seconds, he turns to look at her, and he repeats it:]

I'm a murderer.

[hejhej]

[The interjection surprises her and she doesn't quite understand. She shakes her head slightly.]

What are you talking about?

[If anyone was the murderer in the room, it would be her.]

[hostage]

[He takes one step closer to her, then another. His voice is trembling.]

You have to know. And I don't just mean I kill people, okay. I don't mean, like, self-defense or... or revenge. I mean I - murder - people. Innocent people.

[hejhej]

[Self-defense and revenge were one thing, Lisbeth understood those. But what she couldn't wrap her head around was what Jesse was implying about himself.

When she sought revenge, she could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea. None of this was adding up. She keeps her grip tight on him, her voice curt.]

Tell me what happened at home.

[hostage]

A lot of people died... is what happened. Okay? Are you hearing me right now? It's my fault.

[hejhej]

Who? Why? Because I can say the same fucking thing about myself.

[hostage]

[Jesse quickly raises a hand to silence her.]

Don't. Do not try to tell me it's okay, or I did what I had to do, or... or, god, do not even begin to tell me we're the same. Because we're not.