sirenspull | 12 [Video]

So.

[Crowley is in his apartment, carefully turning something over in his hand. It's a silver knife -- and Crowley is wearing gloves so it doesn't burn him -- but why he has such a thing is beyond anyone's guess. Maybe Crowley just feels like being particularly creepy today. Who knows. Who gives a shit. Not Crowley, that's for sure.]

I thought someone had been feeding my dog something particularly disgusting, as apparently she's gained something of a fanclub within the Port, because she's gained weight. And not only has she gained weight, but she's been eating copious amounts of small fuzzy kittens lately, which is putting a damper both on my budget and my carpet.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case, because some insipid insect within the Port has decided it would be funny to impregnate my dog. Now --

[Crowley will just allow the importance of that statement to fall upon the ears of his loyal and adoring public for a moment before he continues speaking.]

Whoever did this has two options. They can speak now or forever hold their peace. Either way, their eyeballs will be ripped from their sockets and dangled from my windowsill as a warning to anyone else stupid enough to screw my dog.

Cheers.

[Click.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of course I know it's disgusting, why do you think I'm angry?

And my dog is a hellhound -- your average pitbull couldn't do anything to her save become a meal.

Sorry. Hell-hound. Only this isn't precisely your normal Canada, is it. There might be loads of weirdie dogs here as well--so who's to say that one of them might not be the father, instead of jumping to the most disgusting conclusion first.

Why the hell do you think it was a person anyway?

Only one individual in this city is capable of it.

Oh, how convenient. If you know who it is, why the hell would you subject the rest of us to this? Now we all have to go around with the thought of some sick loony having it off with your dog. --Hellhound. Whatever. You could have saved yourself a step and scooped out his eyeballs straightaway.

I'm a demon.

Torture is my thing.

[It's something of a joke, because... it's really, really, really not, but he's not going to explain it.]

[....oh.]

Oh, yes, of course, it all makes perfect sense. Next time, why don't you make it a more specific torture and limit yourself to feasting on the entrails of this nameless father of your grandchildren, or whatever it is you lot are meant to do.

Edited 2012-02-16 22:42 (UTC)

Don't be foolish.

I wouldn't taint my useless intestinal tract on his entrails.

[...eew, right, that means demons have a load of organs hanging around inside of them. Disgusting, and he makes a quiet noise of disgust first before responding.]

No, just rip out their eyes and use 'em as curtain-pulls. Got it. And I certainly hope they've learned their over-sexed lesson, and congratulations to you and the happy mum. Is this something the rest of us are going to have to worry about, this dog-screwing?

I don't know.

Are you a dog?

[trollface.jpeg]

[Er-- Oh, yeah,Sirius is practiced enough to not react to that, certainly; it's well within the realm of sarcasm--it's just a bit direct, which gives him a second of pause.]

If I were, I certainly wouldn't have an interest in hellhounds. Wouldn't the better question be "do you have a dog"?

12 [Video]

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