(no subject)

[gunsling]

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Comments

locked

[gunsling]

[ What kind of Strider would he be if he showed his anguish? Not any kind of Strider he would want associated with his name, that's for sure. He casually sidesteps her question; if his thought capacity was at its normal speed, he wouldn't have made that mistake. ]

Yeah.

Instant comprehension isn't a thing humans can feasibly possess.
It does take you longer than necessary to follow a point.
"You" collective.
Mostly that was just me being a shit and flaunting my intellectual superiority.

locked

[reassures]

[Alright, now she knows you're off, mister Strider, because you were much better at sidestepping questions the last time.]

I'm used to thinking fast. It's probably a lot slower than you, but it isn't so slow that it takes me a minute to follow something.

...Are you okay?

locked

[gunsling]

Statement revoked then.

Yeah.
I'm busy being a pinnacle of artificial perfection all over the place.
My ego chip can barely keep this jacked shit in check.
It's going to fry under the weight of my ability.
My ability to handle whatever.
Me and handling are tight.

locked

[reassures]

Thank you.

You know-- even if you are good friends with handling things-- Well, if you need anything, I could help.

locked

[gunsling]

As a prime example of unachievable intelligence and the man behind the man behind the curtain pulling the pulled strings, you can believe me when I tell you that everything is fine.
The level to which everything is fine is represented by a wicked twisted percentage of a number.
That number is 100%.
I have everything under control.

locked

[reassures]

Well, I'm sure you have it under control!

...but do you know how to cook?

locked

[gunsling]

Touché.
If I said I did I would probably be lying.

locked

[reassures]

I know how to cook, though!

So if you were hungry, I could make you something.

locked

[gunsling]

I'm not going to say no to a free meal.

PERMALOCKED because I'm getting lazy

[reassures]

Great!

Then try to think of something you might like to try, and I'll see if I can make it when I get there.

you cheating hussy

[gunsling]

Can do.
See you then.

damn right ....should've done it earlier in the thread though sob

[reassures]

See you.

((ooc; WOW UH I would pm you about it but I'm not sure how that'd work out with the journal swap right now!! So uh. My plurk is over here if you'd be okay with me adding you. and idk if you wanted to play out them meeting or just make assumptions for that, I'm good with either!))