sirenspull | (no subject)

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Poetic indeed.

I am bound by my core processes to give credit where credit is due.
You can thank my asspreciation chip.

I assume one Mr. Jake English will be wanting it back?

Damn right i will!
As well as the rest of what he took!

What's going on, exactly?

If i had anything even resembling a clue id be more than happy to tell you.
As it stands all i know is i "woke up" one morning stuck in a pair of sunglasses some tool built an ai unit in!
Woke up in quotations because on top of every other cruddy thing about this situation it turns out that computers dont really need to sleep!

I'm guessing an Auto-Responder is...sort of like an autoreiv?

Yes. I imagine that would be very strange.

A whatsit what now?
If youre trying to say a automaton whos empathy seems to be on the fritz then youve got it to a t.

Jake, I've got all kinds of empathy.
You don't even know.
Could build a house out of all this empathy.
Raise a nice family up in there.

That is a blatant lie!

Yeah.
Tell me about the auto responder.

It seems you have asked about dss chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate dss otherwise inimitably rad typing style tone cadence personality and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from dss native neurological responses based on some statistical analysis i basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
I hate you so much.

Now, I just don't think that's true.

I can guarantee with complete certainty that it is!

It seems there is a 96.7% chance of that statement being false.
Would you stake your life on it?

What is that supposed to mean??

It means you're going to tell me about the auto responder and you're going to make it snappy.

It seems you have asked about dss chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate dss otherwise inimitably rad typing style tone cadence personality and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0.000000001% indistinguishable from dss native neurological responses based on some statistical analysis i basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

Sassy.

Go fuck yourself!

He can pry it out of my warm, living hands.