(no subject)

[gunsling]

Today I sat down for the first time.
It was like an orchestra playing the world's most archaically, nauseatingly beautiful refrain devoid of even the most subtle of auto-tunes, a nostalgiatrip back to a time when your wombsack carrier was nothing but a gross shrimpy slime baby shitting her pants and screaming herself hoarse.
Retro as shit, all pipes and organs and screeching violins.
Like fireworks ascending to give a big fuck you finger to voyeuristic gods.
The second my borrowed rump touched the upholstery of our couch I could hear angels clearing their collective throats to serenade me into an endless ass heaven.
It was like magic trickling into the reality slipstream, like all my wildest dreams just legged it the fuck out of my head to offer a stoic nod and a hearty fistbump.
It seems there is a sicktwisted percentage representing the possibility that I am in possession of an ass masterpiece, and that percentage is 100.
Let me tell you about the ass of Jake English, Siren's Port.
Might as well be carved out of marble.
It casts a shadow of shame over the lackluster posterior of my cognitive predecessor.
I'm caught up in all these complicated emotions upon being associated with an ass that is easily bested by even the slightest curved broom handle.

This is Dirk Strider's auto-responder in the body of Jake English, and today I touched a butt for the first time.
It was a religious experience.

[ text opt out, part of the ongoing bodyswap plot. ]

Comments

[gunsling]

I've been no less than 87% legitimate in all my textual implications.

[dialogic]

That makes the whole thing even worse!

[gunsling]

I think you're just kicking shit up to be dramatic.

[dialogic]

Im being perfectly reasonable right now!
Youre the one causing problems for me!

[gunsling]

I'd say I'm doing you a favor.
Now the entire community knows what a picturesque rump you're dragging.

[dialogic]

Thats the exact opposite of what youre doing!!
No one here needs to know a damned thing about my keister!!!
And they certainly dont need to be putting their stolen hands all over it!

[gunsling]

Is it really me putting my hands all over it when they're actually your hands?

[dialogic]

Considering your the one controlling those hands at the moment?
YES!

[gunsling]

Or maybe they're just acting on their own after a long, cold winter of not being allowed due to your prudish pedantry.
The asspocalypse is over and the people are finally starting to live.
The people being your hands and living being getting well acquainted with the curve of your backside.

[dialogic]

Bullhockey!
Theyre hands its not like they have minds of their own.
The only one that wants to get handsy with my backside is you!!

[gunsling]

We all have our vices, Jake.

[dialogic]

Your vices shouldnt have anything to do with my rump!

[gunsling]

They're at it again, Jake.
I can't stop them, Jake.
I am but a lowly pair of sunglasses, Jake.
It isn't my fault I'm unfortunately trapped in the body of boy Adonis, Jake.
Maybe I just don't know any better.

[dialogic]

No one believes that for a second!
Not when im sitting here telling you exactly whats wrong with EVERYTHING YOURE DOING!!!

god fucking damn it i'm not logging back out

[dialogic]

Is that what you think you're doing?
I thought you were just shitting on all my fun.

ahahaha

[dialogic]

Theres nothing fun about anything youre doing here.

[gunsling]

I beg to differ.

[dialogic]

Your opinion doesnt count right now!

[dialogic]

I don't see why it shouldn't.
I'm still having fun.

[dialogic]

Of course YOURE having fun!
Youre the one with arms and legs and the ability to put your hands all over things you shouldnt!