[ voice ]

[philosopher]

[The voice being recorded is both hushed (out of respect for the speaker's present environment) and weak (for reasons yet to be explained).]

Diane, it's... 6:36 pm on May 17, 2012. By my calculation, that means I've been asleep for... two hundred and seventy-nine months. Twenty-three years have passed since my last recording, Diane, and I have to say: I look pretty great for my age.

The last time I remember speaking to you, it was from the floor of my room at the Great Northern Hotel and I had just been shot. I don't remember a whole lot else, but the doctors tell me I've lost quite a bit of blood so that's to be expected. I feel both frustrated and grateful. Grateful to be alive, and frustrated because the investigation is facing yet another setback.

"Setback" may be an understatement. Diane, you are not going to believe this. As I just told you, it's been twenty-three years. That's twenty-three years in the blink of an eye. They tell me I've traveled through time, and that's apparently a common occurrence around here. Here being the city of Siren's Port, Canada - that's an island off the coast to the west of Vancouver, Diane. Have you ever heard of a place like that? I sure haven't.

The frustrating part is that my ticket was one-way. Preferable, yes, to the other one-way ticket I was facing - but gosh I really felt it. I was on the verge of something. Will I ever know who killed Laura Palmer?

[There's a pause and murmuring in the background, along with the squeaking of a cart being rolled into the room.]

- Ah, more on that later, Diane. Nurse Irene is here.

[Click.]

Comments

[inthejunk]

[Nope, still confused. Sorry Coop, you're talking to a city boy.]

Oh. Did it hurt?

[philosopher]

Not too badly.

[inthejunk]

[Man, you're tough for a guy with hair that neat.]

Hmm. Strawberry, right?

[He tosses the infected one away cheerfully, and coughs a little into one elbow. Luckily, the mask is on again, this time.]

I'll be right back.

[He even grabs a squirt of disinfectant and rubs it into his hands on the way out. He'll totally bring you some not gross gelatine, dude. Really. Or at least as un-gross as possible anyway. He wasn't kidding about the dish soap smell.]

[philosopher]

[Cooper nods. He finds that awfully nice of the boy. He would have probably taken the infected one anyway, but a fresh jello is still preferable.]

[inthejunk]

[He's pretty fast, in spite of being lazy enough to leave the blue cup sitting there instead of taking it back to the kitchen, too. He gets back in good time, if you don't count those two minutes he stops at the nurses station to flirt a bit, first.]

There. Fresh from the-

[This time he holds the gelatine away and sneezes into his underarm instead.]

-HAKU!- overnight cooler.

[philosopher]

[He's been sitting here patiently all the while.]

Thank you. Allergies?

[inthejunk]

Maybe. It's spring, I guess. And I'm definitely not used to whatever kind of weirdo plant life lives here.

[He sets the gelatine down on Cooper's tray, and pulls up a chair.]

I'm not allowed to leave you the spoon.

[He explains, laughing cheerfully.]

I guess when you come in with that kind of injury, they think you're bad news. Like you might shank someone with the handle or something.

[philosopher]

[Cheerfully:]

I wouldn't need a spoon to kill someone, if I had any intention of doing so.

[He takes it, however, to dig into the strawberry jello.]

[inthejunk]

[Okay, now we're not laughing anymore. In fact, Yosuke is staring. A glance down to your wrists...nope, you aren't even cuffed to the bed or anything. Shit. He'll just...wait...here...awkwardly...]

[If you do something crazy, and he pushes that button, someone will come, right?]

[philosopher]

[He's not doing anything, though. Just happily eating his jello.]

[inthejunk]

[Good. Just keep doing that. No killing people in the hospital, alright? It's a rule.]

[Except it's hard to keep an eye on dangerous criminals and cough at the same time, so time out, okay?]

[Cough, hack cough. You better not be doing anything dangerous with that spoon, dude. Cough, cough.]

[philosopher]

[Nothing dangerous. He finishes his jello quickly, then neatly sets aside both the cup and the spoon.]

Ah! That hit the spot. Thank you.

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke takes the cup and spoon back a little warily. Man, you sure don't act like a psycho killer or anything.]

I just got out of jail, you know.

[...Stupid. That was stupid. He should have just taken the dishes and left. But since it's too late for that, Yosuke gets out of the chair and stands, back straight, going for his full height. He puffs his chest out the best he can, and tries to look intimidating.]

[He probably just looks intrigued, and a little freaked out, though.]

[philosopher]

[He notes that but doesn't react to it. Not very intimidating, Yosuke.]

Really?

[inthejunk]

Y-yeah.

[Crap. Where is the spoon again? Oh, right. In his hand. Good. Okay, cool.]

Where did you, uh...you know. Get shot? Who did that? How did it happen?

[philosopher]

In my hotel room. I can't remember the face of the perpetrator.

[inthejunk]

Not at all?

[He drops into the chair again, apparently forgetting about the shanking risk for the time being.]

You know, my friend's uncle is a detective, and he was working on this murder case in town before I left. Two murders, actually. Maybe what you need is a detective.

[philosopher]

I'm a detective. An FBI agent, actually.

[inthejunk]

[Squeak!]

Wait, what I said about stealing a car, I didn't mean-

[Oh, shit. He hadn't actually said that until now, had he?]

Look, you can't- that wasn't a confession, okay!

[He pulls up the leg of his scrubs and mournfully shows off his tracing bracelet.]

See? It's -that's double jeopardy!

[philosopher]

[He raises a hand to silence Yosuke.]

Canada is outside my jurisdiction.

[inthejunk]

[See, technically this isn't Canada. It's just near to Canada. But since pointing that out might be a bad idea in this situation, Yosuke doesn't. He's slightly smarter than he comes off, apparently.]

Right.

[Sigh.]

I didn't, you know. Steal it, I mean. I just...I borrowed it. I didn't even put a scratch on it.

[philosopher]

You won't do it again, will you?

[inthejunk]

Didn't you see it?

[Yosuke taps the box strapped to his leg, and sighs.]

I'm not going anywhere without someone knowing it anytime soon. Besides, I didn't even mean to do it the first time! [Huff.] It just kind of happened.

[philosopher]

I believe you. You don't seem the thieving type. I don't think you'll steal anything else, even when you're off probation.

[inthejunk]

I won't. [Sourly. Sorry, Coop. He's back to being surly again, that brief thing where your gunshot wound was cool has already worn off. Now life is just so unfair again.] I've never stolen anything before! Not even a piece of candy! They were just jerks about it because I have a prior record.

[Oh, wait. That sounds bad.]

Uh. But that was a misunderstanding, I swear.