sirenspull | 009 [Video] | Fail!Locked from Crowley

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009 [Video] | Fail!Locked from Crowley

[When Castiel comes onto the screen, he looks... Disheveled. More so than his usual messy tie and fluffy hair; really disheveled, like a few extra buttons are undone on his shirt and he's missing his coat. Also he may be sprinkled in a large amount of gold and green glitter.

He doesn't seem impressed with life at the moment.]

What is appropriate retaliation against a friend who insists upon irritating you overtly and needlessly?

Unfortunately, I am aware that true physical harm is an overreaction, no matter how tempting.

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So you have said on other occasions.

[Look how pissy and unimpressed he manages to appear while covered in glitter. Just look.]

You look ridiculous. Like a hedgehog who got mauled by a fairy.

[SO HELPFUL.]

'Physical harm' is your only limit...?

[Thanks, bro. Also suspicious.]

No.

[He's not interested in your help on this actually go away.]

You enjoy being his little bitch. Admit it.

[What he isn't expecting that comment. Give him a second to turn on his bravado.]

If I enjoyed being anyone's 'little bitch' then I would still be a part of the Host.

[Griiin]

Look at you and your backbone. So go on. What are you going to do to him?

[He feels more than a little patronized, so his tone ends up slightly snippy.]

You'll understand if I don't feel inclined to discuss it with you.

You'll understand if nothing you have planned works because, [gasp] Crowley can see everything you're planning with these people.

The glue thing--that would have been a good idea.

Not everything.

[So there, dick. He and Gabriel are plotting revenge and being bros and you can't see it.]

The glue could still work, regardless. He likely wouldn't expect me to actually try.

Good luck with it. [He means that. Also he means it in a sadistic way; Cas being a prankster is one part hilarious and one part duck and cover.]

[He just looks back suspiciously at what sounds like a relatively sincere tone. Of course, Lucifer could just be being malevolent toward Crowley; Castiel could see that as the motive behind the well wishes easily enough.]

You're absolutely correct, he does.

[He sees what you're trying to do and he is going to nip it in the bud before it even starts, you fucking lunatic. But that doesn't mean he's going to act like it.]

He has a schedule on where he has to be at all times and everything. And if he steps out of line, I slap him.

With your pimp hand?

It's the only way to teach him a lesson.

Lilith taught you so well. Little Cassy's going to be a star, I can tell~

[Lilith taught him a lot of very nasty things that he does not employ because he is a civilized creature. 8|]

I only take company with the best.

Then what are you doing ruling Hell?

[The Crowley of the past would snap at him, would take the bait. But this Crowley has survived much worse than an insult -- and, instead, Crowley simply smiles, his fingers carefully scratching the top of his dog's head.]

It was there and I was bored.

Why else would you rule something?

[Plus, Lucifer is making a point: Hell is full of people who (much as he hates Crowley) are still much, much lower on the totem pole of respectability than Crowley is. It's not a compliment, per se, but it's not meant to be hostile either.]

Fair point.

[Private:]

Business question. What are you going to do if one of the Leviathan ends up here?

[Crowley narrows his eyes slightly at that. Why does Lucifer care? But besides the tiniest movement, he doesn't let on any other suspicions.]

The same thing I have been doing.

[Surviving. Planning.

Waiting for the opportune moment.]

Why do you care? They won't be interested in you.

Because of Castiel. And the fact they won't be interested in me puts me in the perfect position to get to them.

If one shows up here...what better place to learn how to kill them? Or better.

[His patience with Lucifer is not infinite and the more the angel talks, the more Crowley wants to snap and argue to mind his own goddamn business because this doesn't concern him, but everything hinged on playing nicely. And so, Crowley continues to hold his tongue, instead answering neutrally.]

You're assuming quite a lot.

[It's a slight warning -- Crowley has not been idle. And if it were possible for angels to kill them, Castiel would have done it when the Leviathan seized control.]

Killing them in this world would only create a possible Darkness version of them. They would ravage the city to the ground without the few inhibitions they have.

I, personally, am not dealing with them when that happens. I have better things to be doing than chase down God's abominations.

[And part of Lucifer would love to see that happen--to watch what they became. But he's just stable enough (for now) that his real plan is to stop short of any slaughtering. There's a lot to be learned from extreme torture.]

Uh-huh. You're half the reason they're out, Crowley, and if they show up, you'll be so busy mopping up the angsty wreck that my brother will become you won't have time for anything 'better'.

I have managed quite well on my own without assistance, Lucifer -- but I'm not alone here. As touching as your concern for your brother is, you are grossly underestimating his ability to overcome adversity. Should Dick Roman and his band of miscreants arrive here, we will handle it. Should you decide to slaughter them for fun, we will also handle it.

My best advice would be to stay out of matters that would jeopardize your safety, because -- and this will be the only time I will tell you this -- they will kill you. And they will enjoy ripping you apart, limb from limb, Grace from vessel, and they will devour each and every piece of you because you once had God's love whereas they never did.

So, please -- allow me the opportunity to plan for my own messy cleanup, because while your power may be far more than mine ever will be, I can actually manage a crowd without pissing them off into oblivion, and that is the only way the Leviathan will be shoved back into their little box.

Should you have any complaints about my ability to negotiate or suggestions that may be helpful to this city not being vaporized underneath the fist of a petulant child, you can text it to my inbox.

I have to admit I'm itching to see how you handle them.

[Which is the only version of "we'll do this your way" Crowley will ever, ever hear from Lucifer.]

009 [Video] | Fail!Locked from Crowley

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[Video] just ignore that i responded to the wrong comment ok vil.

[Video] Done, because you're the first person I've ever tagged with this phrase. :|

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