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[slipperysoul]

[ Angel’s lingering by the angled late-day sunlight coming in through a dusty window of an abandoned warehouse when he turns on his NV, looking about as calm as can be for what he’s about to say. ]

Should have apologized weeks ago for what I did. Nobody should have been killed, I never wanted that to happen. Not here.

But how do you forgive part of who you are when you’re already condemned to hell. Absolution isn’t something i’m looking for anymore when there’s already nothing I can to do to stop the inevitable.

Saving the world doesn’t do anything when you’ve spent a few hundred years doing much worse. [ a beat, while he glances out towards the fading light. ] So what else is there?

Comments

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[faking]

Because you'd want them to forgive you, for all the secrets you haven't told them, even if you don't deserve it.

video.

[slipperysoul]

Some things shouldn't have to be forgiven.

video.

[faking]

Love is there to take care of what-ifs and shouldn't-have-tos.

[He droops like week-old petals.]

You sound like a sad guy, mister. Don't think about hell till you're there. You'll miss what it's like to watch people be alive, I think.

video.

[slipperysoul]

[ Oh my gawwd, don't do that, he got to miss the whole actually raising his son thing, so he's especially sensitive to children. ]

I think i'll miss a lot of things once I get there. But it's just not supposed to be for a long time, I just have to do a lot of apologizing in the mean time. Because I can't be with the person I love.

video.

[faking]

[I can't be with the person I love - it makes Alois wince. He opens his mouth to say how he wouldn't be able to bear it, how he'd sooner go to hell straightaway, but he's been learning a little bit about what he oughtn't say aloud, regarding his feelings on love. Instead, he tilts his head and bites his lip.]

I was supposed to be there already, but I'm here instead. I don't really know what to do with my time, so I feel like I should love everything. It's warm, but it's cold at the same time, I guess. [He tucks a bit of hair behind his ear, to fill in the pause he gives.] But you know what it's like, right? You love someone, and you just don't know what to do. If you have to apologize, maybe that's your fulfillment.

video.

[slipperysoul]

[ Most of all, he wants to know how you know so much about all of this, kidlet. And he's left looking somewhere between guilty, apologetic, and just sad. For you, for himself, for all sorts of things. Just... sad. ]

I know what that's like. To want to feel something, just because everything's always so cold. But apologizing can only get you so far, it can only do so much. Has to be enough, though.

[ Only a second before -- ] Why were you supposed to be in hell already?

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[faking]

[One-shouldered shrug.] I was supposed to die in a little while, or something, I guess, but I'm here instead and am pretty alive for it. But I - I've seen people who had a lot to apologize for. They had a lot, and... they just tried to make sure that another person didn't have to feel like they did.

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[slipperysoul]

There's a lot of people I wouldn't want to feel like I do.

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[faking]

Then either you're a good person, or you're not like a grown-up.

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[slipperysoul]

What are most of the grown-ups you know like?

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[faking]

Stupid. They measure everything in years. Too old for this, too young for that. They don't know. If they measured themselves by worth, they'd hate themselves too much to go on. I don't know, though. I don't know what they're thinking. I'll never understand.

video.

[slipperysoul]

I think when you're a grown-up, sometimes you forget that age doesn't always play a part in how much you know and how much you don't. Numbers don't define you, but your actions do.

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[faking]

I think they just have no idea what they're doing half the time.

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[slipperysoul]

There's that too. Adults like to just pretend they know everything.

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[faking]

I've come of age already, but I don't want to grow into that.

videojack.

[ex_stakes70]

[ ... She just kind of - opens her mouth and closes it like seven times before she actually talks. But her brow's all furrowy and she's all concernicus and... ] Angel... I - [ But she doesn't know what to say. ] - You not being able to -- [ Yeah, words. Aren't. ] - maybe there's a way. Maybe here -- maybe it's different...

videojack.

[slipperysoul]

Buffy-- [ Well. This is.... Angel is going into awkward mode because, yeah words are a difficult pace. ]

Why would it be any different here if I can still lose my soul?

videojack.

[ex_stakes70]

I don't know -- and you didn't lose it, he took it. Maybe - Maybe there's something we can do? Someone we can talk to about making your soul-thing permanent with no catches. But that's if you want to. I'm just saying... The reasons you can't be with me -- You left, Angel. A long time ago. We've crossed and burned -- god, about a hundred bridges, but we always wind up back in the same place somehow. Like - what were the odds we'd both wind up in the Port? Probably one in a bajillionmillionzillion, okay? There's a reason we're here, and there's a reason why it's now. S'just -- [ She wrinkles her nose. ] - ... Hard to figure out all the detaily bits.

videojack.

[slipperysoul]

Repeat that number again for me? [ Can't he just play ignorant? Can he do that? Because he's not sure he's up for this conversation when he's trying to get himself put in jail.

But it's not really his choice, anymore. ]

I left for you. Buffy, I always left for you, so you could have something better. Something that I couldn't give you. I just don't-- I don't know if there's anything anyone can do. Anyone that's not an actual angel, fallen or otherwise.

videojack.

[ex_stakes70]

Abilliongazi-- do I have to? [ p o u t. ]

And we went over this then, too - it's not up to you to decide what's better for me. That's kinda a my choice thing? And if it takes an angel, we find one! One who isn't out to make you all torture mastery. There's gotta be one here somewhere, right? Or a super powerful witch? Spike got his soul back, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't a curse situation - there's a way for you. There has to be. And in the meantime we avoid the groining.

videojack.

[slipperysoul]

I'll let you off the hook this time.

[ ajskdfla; groining, Angel's brain might have just exploded. And he would veer around that topic completely if that wasn't... everything that this stemmed from. ]

There's more than a few angel's here. And from what i've seen, a lot of them deal with souls on a regular basis. [ He just doesn't know if he trusts them with his. ]

videojack.

[ex_stakes70]

Oh, good. Get out of jail free cards have always been my favorite.

[ Yep she went there she is shameless yay. ]

So we talk to one of them. We find out if they can help. -- If... That's - I mean, if you want to see if there's some way we can stickify your soul. Then maybe we - I mean, maybe we can - I dunno. This really hasn't been a thing that's crossed my mind for... Awhile.

videojack.

[slipperysoul]

[ Angel's just going to sidestep everything now. Because he can do these things. ]

I haven't stopped thinking about it since the day I left.

videojack.

[ex_stakes70]

So we figure out how to make it work. Or at least some way to give it a decent non-dangerous shot.

videojack.

[slipperysoul]

And we take what we can get? Until one of us gets sent back home, do you really want that?