sirenspull | 001 [Video]: Oh, Canada.

[The NV turns on, showing a very sleek-looking dark-haired man with sharp cheekbones and sunglasses smirking at the camera. Even over the NV, one can tell that this is a person who knows he's better than everyone else around him- there is no uncertainty in his features, just full-on arrogance. When he finally speaks, his English accent is so smooth one can practically roll a carpet on it.]

Well, let's see here. You know, I've been going through this thing's previous posts and such, and wow, all the entries from people who have just arrived really share a lot in common. You'd think that there's some kind of checklist that we have to get through once we arrive. Like, number one, you must certainly, without a doubt, ask "where am I?" or "what is going on?" or "why have I been dragged across time and space itself to the wretched wannabe of a place that is Canada?" Because finding out things by asking people who might lie to your face instead of quietly gathering information by your lonesome is clearly the way to go.

[A pause as he lets that sink in.]

Second, you must ask where your friends or family or dog or beloved garden gnome is in this place. Which, most of the time, results in nothing but statements like "No, I haven't seen your gnome" to "Oh, yes, your gnome was here before, but I'm not sure where he's gone off to now, sorry about that".So why bother asking? No, I'm going to skip that part entirely- I've already checked the NV for the people I know and they're not here, so, just look at all the time I saved.

Third, you may either a), mention that you "can't stay here because you have something important to go back to" or b), basically give your whole life story to people because you can. I'm not doing the first option because, frankly, I'd rather not repeat the Apocalypse all over again, thank you, and I'm not doing the second one because, honestly, I'd rather keep all of you in the dark. Why in the world should I reveal who I am or what I do without knowing exactly who lives in this place?

[He grins widely.]

What I can tell you is that the name's Crowley. [He pronounces it like it rhymes with "holy".] Anthony J. Crowley. And I do not need your pats on the back or your offers to be my best friend ever or your little cheerful fake welcomes. All I need is information about the darkness at night and how this city works and other such things.

Do be nice and provide it to me. I'm sure a few of you have the collective brain to do so.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Or you could just carry around a weapon. I hear that's effective.

True, but...I'm not the weapon-using type. Plus, I've got a whole lot of tricks under my sleeve that I can use instead of a sword or gun.

...Can tire irons be used as good weapons, though?

What sort of tricks?

...I honestly don't know. Try?

W-wait, seriously? No way...

[ SELF-IMAGE BLOW ]

Not very angelic of me? [Gabriel bursts out laughing.] You must be new.

[ -- ah, but Crowley knows people, and he sees that twitch. But he doesn't say anything -- instead, he just files it away for later.]

The last Eve I met was a stupid whore, but the first woman to be twisted is an entirely different story.

[Lilith was special.]

And do you. I hadn't noticed.

...A demon, too. Sorry. I mean... You have a first and last name, like a person, but so did Boyd and... Wow. That... Did not come out right.

Well, they're...tricks. I guess you could call it magic, or hocus pocus, or miracles, or whatever words you use for unexplainable things. But even then, what I can do doesn't really fall neatly into any of those definitions.

The only reason I'm asking is because that is what I came with. I grabbed it at the last minute, I'm not sure as to it's decent worth as a weapon...but it shouldn't hurt to try, you're right.

[A slight huff.]

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I made that point pretty clear when I addressed the populace before.

But really, last time I remember, you were gallivanting around Upstairs smiting things you didn't like or whatever you angels do. What changed?

Why shouldn't I have a first and last name? I even have a middle name, it starts with J. What, are full names unique only to humans, or what?

And yes, I'm a demon. Kind of hard to keep that secret now that I have another demon running around with a botched version of my own name, really.

...

You do realize I was making a joke at your expense, right?

[A pause. Crowley still is trying to wrap his head around this.]

So, you're like the Junior version of Him.

Annnd...you're stuck here just like everyone else? If you're like Him in a sense, why can't you just leave?

...Oh, you mean the first first woman? Sheesh, be more clear next time, I thought we were talking about the same person here. No, I didn't come until after she had her little fit and ran away. I tempted the one after.

[And his tone is as dry as ever.]

If I didn't, makes you wonder how I'm possible walking around and holding things. Boggles the mind, doesn't it.

-- Ahahaha, of course I did, amigo! What do you take me for? Huh?

[ lowering her hand from her hair... not the brightest bulb on the tree here. ]

Sure. I arrived a few weeks ago.

[ a particularly cheeky smirk. ]

Though I presume you mean the monsters, the corruption and the sad excuse for free accommodation.

Daddy skipped town and the whole regime changed. Neighborhood stopped looking so perky after that.

Fallen angels are still angels, in my world. Do you truly change species, in yours?

[Castiel notes the surprise, and the question, and tilts his head just slightly.]

That is unexpected?

[It had been the public stance of Heaven for a long time that the Apocalypse needed to be stopped, and had been a secret that it hadn't, truly.]

Before the Earth? Why did you rebel?

[In his world, none before Lucifer had done so, and that had been because of humanity. What could have prompted this Crowley to Fall before Earth had even been created?]

Yep. You'll hear them soon enough. The city and the companies pay to keep them working reliably because everyone depends on them.

By the way, don't think you're immune to the Darkness, no matter what you are or what powers you have in your world. Don't try to make friends with Darkness, or tame it or keep it as a pet. Just getting that out of the way.

I don't know if it would impress anyone else, but I've never seen the sea before. I love the library and the crazy bars and even the Darkness monsters, a little. I mean, as horrifying as they are when they're trying to eat you, kitten-scorpion monsters? Actually pretty awesome.

He's what happens if you cross a trickster, a five year old on Halloween, and Hugh Hefner.

[Oh, but this is something Crowley is interested in. This is worth putting aside the pettiness.]

Did you know her well? The first.

No, I'm Elaine. I've got my ways and they aren't like Yahweh's.

[She's the same thing, but she's not who he is.]

Sort of. I'm here and not really here -- I'm still home too -- There are people from my Creation here, so I'm looking after them.

[She shakes her head.]

If I did that, everyone else would be doomed. Look when you enter to a foreign Creation you didn't make, you can't leave without a passage from the Maker. It's like leaving someone's else house. If you don't have a copy of the key, you can break a window to exit, but people inside will be exposed to whatever enters from that broke glass.

I've read books. They all end up with names like... Baal and Abalon. It sets a standard, I guess.

[kanyeshrug] To be fair, his pronunciation sounds better.

...

Wait, He what?

[THIS IS NEWS.]

How does the Man Upstairs just walk out on what he does? Isn't that technically impossible?

Yes, well, technically that's true. They have some pretty odd names Down There. But I guess I'm a bit different, considering that I've been staying a lot longer on good old Earth than some of my colleagues have.

[A slight frown.] That's the American way of pronouncing it. Mine is how they pronounce it everywhere else. So, technically, mine wins.

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