voice;

[paterelohim]

[With how much Chuck loves doing video post, the fact that he's sticking to voice should be the first red flag. The choked tone in his voice is another.]

Fred- Winifred Burkle. Has anyone seen her?

Her NV's offline, she isn't answering it.

[There's a long, sunken silence.]

I think... she's gone.

I want to say she'll probably be back, but I just don't know- I haven't seen it yet. God, what's the point of seeing the future if it doesn't help?

Anyway, I just- thought everyone who knows her should know. She's out.

Comments

[paterelohim]

[W/e w/e can't bring him down.]

Hey, at least you could buy booze that way.

[Actually no wait, you CAN bring him down. He's not even remotely feeling up to his usual level of sass today.]

[czes]

You're really naive if you think that it would be as simple as me just telling the truth to get people to believe I'm old enough. My own kind has trouble remembering I'm not a child because I'm just so little and sweet. [And yet he says it all so nastily.] Besides, I've only got a few more years I can milk this before someone does catch on and I'm at risk for unwanted attention.

[paterelohim]

Dude, no- you're a Newcomer, that means you could claim your species eats only toothpaste and kidney stones and someone would believe you.

There are probably people here who look like adults and are only four. I mean, there has to be some kind of way of verifying it, right? Magic or technology.

I'm just saying there are options. In the long run you probably have more to lose by lying.

[czes]

It's possible they could, though taking blood or skin cells is impossible. But you're missing the point. I don't have a problem with trusting people with the truth if they deserve it, but with every person that knowledge that increases is one more person who knows about a childlike scientific miracle that can never, ever die. It's bad enough that damned Stanfield keeps his eye on me like some psychotic Jiminy Cricket, I don't need unethical scientists, serial killers, pedarists and sadists interested in me too.

And what do I have to lose by lying? I can't buy you whiskey. I can't get an above-the-table job, which doesn't interest me anyway. No one would ever want me as more than their cute little treehouse friend anyway, so this is what works for me, Chuck.

[paterelohim]

[He's quiet for a long moment.]

But it doesn't work. You aren't happy.

Everyone here is weird somehow- the number of non-humans alone is incredible. It's not like a weird Newcomer would make the papers, you know? You could just say that you got cursed or something- magic is magic, it won't make scientists want to poke at you as much.

Besides- it's not true that you're only good as a little... treehouse friend. That's just not true. You're about forty times more interesting as yourself than when you're pretending to be a cute little kid.

[czes]

[Czeslaw twitches involuntarily: his eye, the corner of his mouth, like a sneer that he suddenly decides not to allow onto his face.] Interesting? I'm...

I'm a terrible person. If I'm happy for five seconds, I find a way to destroy it. And I can't die, so I have to live with myself. Believe me, as my longest companion, I assure you I am not that interesting.

[paterelohim]

You just described half the people I know.

That doesn't make you boring or useless, that's just normal pathos. Everyone has those.

[czes]

Forgive me if I don't see myself as normal. I can't...

What if I tell everyone the truth? What happens then?

[paterelohim]

Well... everyone wonders why you lied to them. Then they adjust and move on with their lives, you know? And you get to actually talk to people like an adult and relate to people mutually on your own level.

[czes]

...My appearance is one of the only tools I have in my arsenal. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up. As I am, people will protect me, believe the things I say without question. If I can't have many of the things that make being an adult so great, why should I give up on being a child?

I think you're probably right, but I just know something will go wrong. It went wrong with Erik, didn't it? Tremendously wrong. I don't think my heart could take that again.

[paterelohim]

You know, things going wrong is part of adulthood too.

It hurt so much with Erik because he was one of the only people you trusted your secret to. Your world right now is about four people large. When you have a whole island of people to talk to honestly, your support network will widen too.

[czes]

I trusted Erik because we're alike. I don't know if I could feel that way about anyone else, anyone unlike me.

And even if I did - even if I ever reached that level with someone else - what's to keep that person from betraying me completely? I've been cut to pieces, burned, and I don't mean metaphorically.

[paterelohim]

You don't have to reach that level with anyone else right away.

If you come out to the world, then you'll get to a little higher level with everyone. Higher levels of trust can come later.

You're not in your old world anymore, man. People aren't going to think you're that weird. We have demons and talking ponies, you know?

[czes]

[He snarls it. It is strange, at times: he definitely reaches that adult depth of anger (with a touch of 'crazy'... or more than a touch), but his voice is still fluting, sweet, unaltered by puberty.] I'm not worried about people thinking I'm weird. I don't give a damn about what they think of me as a person. But they might see me as lab material, or, even knowing what I am, continue to treat me as a child - which would be worse than them doing it out of ignorance.

[paterelohim]

Then fuck those people, you know?

Look, some people on the island will see anyone as lab material- a friend of mine got captured by SERO because he isn't human. Does that mean he should never leave his house?

[czes]

[fiercely] Your friend should make whatever decision makes him feel safe.

[paterelohim]

Even if it's unhealthy and completely fucked up? Even if it doesn't actually make him all that much safer?

He dealt with it and kept living his life. I mean, just look at the Hunts- everybody's a target, whether we like it or not.

[czes]

I'm not the same. I'm not a grown-up. I never will be. I run from things that scare me. I don't want to have my fingers bitten off, or to be dangled from a train, or have my eyes pulled from my socket with tongs... I know the taste of my own blood so well.

I don't know if I can change. I've tried. [His voice goes almost comically high as tears fill his eyes.] I was so happy with Erik, but he didn't see me the same way, and in the end... wasn't I just pretending to be something I'm not? It's just a lie for me to act as if I'm an adult when in reality, I'm like this... [He scrubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms.] This is bullshit.

[paterelohim]

The running away thing sounds like a lot of adults I know.

You're as old, jaded, and hurt as any adult I've ever known. You've lived long enough, suffered enough, experienced enough, and grown a hard enough shell to count as an old soul. A dozen times over.

Czeslaw, you're actually at an advantage. If anything bad ever DOES happen to you here? Your friends will all be really protective of you. Even if they know who you are and most of the time they treat you like an adult, they'll still bring down the wrath of God on someone who hurts you.

Kids get hurt and killed every day. At least if you're honest with the whole world, you'll get to control some of your life and have some honest friendships and maybe- get to know what it's like to be known.

[czes]

...You might be right. I need time to think about this.

Thanks, Chuck. [A small, weary smile.]