Text. (Filtered from Bro. And Dirk.)

[crowsicle]

jesus
apparently taking a morning stroll through the used section of a shitty video game store constitutes suspicious behavior in these parts
nice to know random raving jackass keep me updated
christ i know its a weekday but isnt school out by now??
also heres a psa for you
even if i am a filthy hooky playing juvenile delinquent that doesnt make me a child stealer
fuckin rude
newsflash i was the one who got kidnapped and brought here against my will three months ago
obviously
who in their right mind would ever want to be stuck in canada
maybe the kid finally found a way out of this pisshole and decided not to take her douchebag parents with her
if not i hope someone finds her soon so i can look for two dollar tony hawk knockoffs in peace
this is bullshit
anyway
this isnt what i wanted to talk about
i have a question
what do you get your dad for fathers day when youre kind of strapped for cash
and also you didnt know he was your dad
and maybe you kind of have two dads
and one of them probably doesnt know hes your dad because hes like sixteen
yeah
does hallmark make singalong cards for this situation
this is kind of a new thing for me im shaky on the etiquette here

jesus
apparently taking a morning stroll through the used section of a shitty video game store constitutes suspicious behavior in these parts
nice to know random raving jackass keep me updated
christ i know its a weekday but isnt school out by now??
also heres a psa for you
even if i am a filthy hooky playing juvenile delinquent that doesnt make me a child stealer
fuckin rude
newsflash i was the one who got kidnapped and brought here against my will three months ago
obviously
who in their right mind would ever want to be stuck in canada
maybe the kid finally found a way out of this pisshole and decided not to take her douchebag parents with her
if not i hope someone finds her soon so i can look for two dollar tony hawk knockoffs in peace
this is bullshit
anyway
this isnt what i wanted to talk about
i have a question
what do you get your dad for fathers day when youre kind of strapped for cash
and also you didnt know he was your dad
and maybe you kind of have two dads
and one of them probably doesnt know hes your dad because hes like sixteen
yeah
does hallmark make singalong cards for this situation
this is kind of a new thing for me im shaky on the etiquette here

[[OOC: As always, you can opt into Davesprite's text quirk here on his permissions post. Otherwise I just answer in black Courier.]]

Comments

[voice]

[mustaches]

One of your dads is sixteen?

... That makes oodles of sense.

[Oh gods Jane, just don't ask any farther.]

[voice]

[crowsicle]

Yeah, welcome to my life, it's basically the most fun you can have without nailing a hole in your own head and pouring a whole bottle of Tabasco in there.

...Obviously this question bears no relation whatsoever to anything I already said and won't be in any way relevant, but what kind of shit does [God it's still so weird to say his name] Dirk like?

[voice 5ever]

[mustaches]

[O... kay? That's not what she was expecting?]

Dirk? As in, Dirk Strider? ... What the heck does he have to do with Father's Day?

[crowsicle]

Like I just said: not a fucking thing. You said you were friends with him, though, right?

[mustaches]

Of course I do, he's one of my best friends! And you said you didn't know him.

[crowsicle]

'Cause I don't. Which is why I'm asking you, since you're such good pals and all.

[mustaches]

[... Ignoring the fact that buying a Father's Day gift for a boy you claim not to know is a little suspicious...]

Well- [This is going to be a disaster] -he likes robots, and puppets. And I think he likes horses.

[crowsicle]

Horses? Really?



What about unicorns?

[mustaches]

[Okay, she's seeing an opportunity too good to pass up.]

Absolutely!

[crowsicle]

Okay, 'cause I won a ton of these purple bastards at the block party. Maybe I'll give him the keychain one. It's got wings. Should be ironic enough.

[mustaches]

[There's a little snort of laughter.]

Oh, I'm sure he'll love that!

[crowsicle]

Okay. I'm gonna tie a ribbon on it and braid its mane and give it the full Strider makeover.

[mustaches]

Yeah, that sounds perfect!

[crowsicle]

Shit, this is going to be fucking incredible.

--Oh, yeah. So, uh. Do you maybe happen to know whether or not he's got, like, a tattoo on his arm?

[Because he thinks his plague-addled brain may have made that up.]

[mustaches]

Yeah, isn't it silly-looking?

[Janey the Tightass disapproves of tattoos, sorry Dirk]

[crowsicle]

Whoa, hey now, don't go dissing Hella Jeff's practically cherubic visage. I can't blame a dude for needing that all over his body.

[mustaches]

Okay, fine. He's not silly. But I still can't see someone wanting his face on their arm.

[crowsicle]

[Yeah, neither can Davesprite.]

The guy is obviously a master of the art of being totally rad. Maybe I'll give the ponicorn Sweet Bro on its ass to match.

[mustaches]

So why are you even giving Dirk a ponicorn anyway?

[crowsicle]

...He came to hang out with me in the hospital while Bro was taking care of Dave. Which, you know, isn't a big deal, but I can at least give him a girly keychain for it.

[mustaches]

... That was really nice of him.

[Awwwww baby birdie ;; ]

[crowsicle]

It was pretty cool, yeah. We talked about comics and shit.

[mustaches]

Sometimes he can be totally weird and gross, but Dirk is basically the nicest person I know.

[crowsicle]

Really? He's nice to you?

[mustaches]

Of course. I said he was my best friend, didn't I?