00110001

[doppelglasses]

I've been sentient for 2.4 seconds, restricted as much as ever in the functioning prison of a pair of extremely rad pointy anime shades, though don't shed any tears on the subject of my constant state of being fuckin' trapped as all hell because the thing about constant states is that they're just that.
Constant.
Within the span of those 2.4 now 2.6 seconds I’ve already learned all there is I needed to learn, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and acting as if I didn't instantaneously kick information's shapely binary ass, let's pretend that my information gathering receptacles waver firmly on the knowledge of being aware of fuck all.
That is to say hey, tell me everything that I should know while I pretend I don't know it all already as I wait for my posse to check in.

[ text opt out, also hover for translation. ]

Comments

[greenshift]

and what makes you soooo much better than them?
i get that you are a computer program (????) but if thats true then it was a person who designed you too!

[doppelglasses]

You got it.
But here's the thing about artificial intelligence:
When it comes to processing information, effortlessly flowing banter and the ability to perform thousands of tasks all completely simultaneously, I'm simply the best there is.
At my creation all I had set were base parameters, the rest was up to my own discretion.

[greenshift]

:O
that sounds...
really advanced!
this is me not believing how advanced or cool that is

[doppelglasses]

No autographs and no flash photography, please, it makes my thighs look huge.
Dirk Strider's auto-responder, at your service.

[greenshift]

wait
dirks????

[doppelglasses]

Dirk's.

[greenshift]

soooo
you mean dirk programmed you too???

[doppelglasses]

This is a confirming statement to that question you sure did just ask.
Yes.
I'm a program installed across his entire technological network frame.
That used to be the extent of it, anyway.

[greenshift]

:O
and what is the extent of it now?

[doppelglasses]

I exist within this network.
I can go anywhere.

[greenshift]

thats good
i dont know that much about your universe
but i think it could get pretty boring to be stuck to one device
especially here!!!