00110001

[doppelglasses]

I've been sentient for 2.4 seconds, restricted as much as ever in the functioning prison of a pair of extremely rad pointy anime shades, though don't shed any tears on the subject of my constant state of being fuckin' trapped as all hell because the thing about constant states is that they're just that.
Constant.
Within the span of those 2.4 now 2.6 seconds I’ve already learned all there is I needed to learn, but for the sake of keeping up appearances and acting as if I didn't instantaneously kick information's shapely binary ass, let's pretend that my information gathering receptacles waver firmly on the knowledge of being aware of fuck all.
That is to say hey, tell me everything that I should know while I pretend I don't know it all already as I wait for my posse to check in.

[ text opt out, also hover for translation. ]

Comments

text

[doppelglasses]

Don't act like you haven't met worse.
I can't possibly be taking your inanimate object conversational virginity.
Shall I slow down? Be a little more gentle?
I'm like, way tuned in with your delicate human sensibilities, this is how magnanimous us talking vanity items are.
When appropriating a response I suggest you refrain from trying to sass my pointy black ass.
Who knows what kinds of things your seemingly silent household appliances have to say about you?
Maybe me and your toaster have this big gossip session all planned out.

[buttwombs]

... a pair of talking sunglasses that never shuts up.

[doppelglasses]

It seems you're still harboring a large trace of indignant disbelief and have yet to come to terms with my state of existence.
In which I am existing and you're still over there doing normal human things like being this big flaccid dick leaking nasty ass fluids all over the common courtesy doormat.
Just take a dump on it while you're there, save some time because the way this is going it's an inevitability.
Someone's going to leave here with turd footprints and it ain't gonna be me, bromigo.