010 [video] [Back-dated to 4/24]

[drinkthebleach]

[Picture it: the grimy interior of an international pancake house, where all good culinary choices go to die in a semi-hygienic grave. One might ask themselves who in their right mind would hang out in such a place on a Tuesday afternoon by choice, aside from stoners and people on dates that they're trying to hide from their friends and the rest of respectable society.

Once the NV is propped up against something (presumably a napkin dispenser) that question is answered in the form of Pickles the Drummer, sitting alone in one of the faded blue and yellow booths. There's a pint of coffee and a giant stack of pancakes in front of him, slathered in butter and maple syrup. He lifts his eyebrows at the camera in response to well...everything.]

Guess this means I'm back for a while. If yer surprised, that makes two of us--I was out there tryin' to destroy that stupid piece of shit, an' it still puts me back in this place? I thought machines were supposed to be smarter than us. I've been here nine months, an' it's shaped up to have less IQ points than a fuckin' vibrator. I dunno.

Anyway, I'm glad that bein' killed was actually pretty brutal. Death, an' people gettin' murdered, that's the kinda shit my band always talked about. It's in all of our fuckin' songs. I mean, I'm a death metal musician, for fuck's sake, that's my bread an' butter right there, y'know? So it wasn't a huge let-down, that's all I'm sayin'. An' that's good: I don't wanna make no more job changes. It sucks.

But apparently the news came out an' said that I was some kinda menace, a while back. Now there's a strip club ten minutes away from my pal's apartment that won't let me back in 'cause they think I'm gonna set the girls on fire, or some bullshit like that. An' that's the fuckin' lamest part. [He rolls his eyes while delivering this hyperbole and takes a bite of pancake. And yes, being banned from a boobie bar is clearly the most inconvenient part about being gunned down by a group of Canadian robocops.]

So what else did I miss?

Comments

[drinkthebleach]

The electric guitar, bass, an' drums, mostly. Sometimes there's a keyboard involved. Sometimes other shit. But you gotta have those first three.

[Heavy metal without any guitar riffs or blast beats is like cookie dough ice cream without the cookie dough.]

[brat_from_hell]

Oh, I see. I think I heard music that used those instruments on the radio.

...calling it heavy metal is a strange name. I would have thought that music with that name would use big heavy metal instruments like a giant tuba, by the name.

[drinkthebleach]

[A sound of disgust.] I'd rather kill myself than play a douche bag tuba.

[Or an accordion. He has a personal vendetta against those things.] Nah. S' more 'bout atmosphere than the instruments themselves.

[brat_from_hell]

[Well, that's a pretty strong feeling about an instrument.]

So what are the differences between heavy metal and death metal? Are death metal songs about death?

[drinkthebleach]

There are other heavy metal songs 'bout death, but yeah. You know how pop songs talk 'bout how awesome it is to be in love an' shit like that? S' kinda the same with most death metal, but with murder, gore, an' violence.

[brat_from_hell]

[Congratulations, Pickles. You may have a tiny convert to the ways of metal.]

...I need to start listening to death metal. I think I'd like it if most of it is like that.

[drinkthebleach]

[He should start receiving commissions for all the people he's converted to his depraved, metal ways so far. No seriously, can this be a thing?]

'Kay. But it might be hard for you to get it. Like, yer a little kid, an' some record store people are stupid dicks an' won't sell you albums 'cause they think they're not suitable for children or whatever.

So you might wanna just steal 'em. Whatever. Nobody fucking cares. Find something by Death if you can. An' Napalm Death an' Cannibal Corpse.

[brat_from_hell]

Oh, I've got someone who can go and buy them for me if the record store people won't sell them to me. But I'm pretty good at getting my way anyhow.

[drinkthebleach]

I dunno if throwing a tantrum's gonna work. [Since that's what Pickles thinks he's talking about.] ...You could try it, I guess. I mean I've never seen anyone try it before.

[brat_from_hell]

I wouldn't throw a tantrum. I'd just tell them that I've seen a lot worse than what they're singing about in the songs. I am a sorceror that uses death magic, after all.

[drinkthebleach]

[Lol what.]

Aren't you a little...[Searching for the right word he wanted to use.] Short?

[brat_from_hell]

There's no rules on how old or tall you have to be to learn magic. I'm just best at that kind instead of something a person would normally expect a kid to be good at.