[Looking at the truth is painful, because he'd come to realize what it is recently, at least regarding the Winchesters; he's a resource. He's there to do whatever he's asked and nothing else, to be the Winchesters' power and backup, to solve their problems.
But that's not fair, at the same time; he wants to believe they care about him at the same time. He'd seen the pages about Sam that Chuck had showed him; he remembers other times, if few and far between, when he hadn't been expected to simply serve a purpose and nothing else. But he wants to believe that. Does that mean he's blinding himself?
He's too drunk to follow everything through, to consider all his memories, to try to look at things objectively. Instead he takes another drink, gaze shifting to the ground.]
no subject
But that's not fair, at the same time; he wants to believe they care about him at the same time. He'd seen the pages about Sam that Chuck had showed him; he remembers other times, if few and far between, when he hadn't been expected to simply serve a purpose and nothing else. But he wants to believe that. Does that mean he's blinding himself?
He's too drunk to follow everything through, to consider all his memories, to try to look at things objectively. Instead he takes another drink, gaze shifting to the ground.]
So what, it is a game of manipulation?