[Dawn, April 1.] This probably goes poorly with the Benny Hill Sirens...

[where_the_hearth_is]

[When the House was scared during the Time Loop, it was loud and demanding, but at least it was coherent. Not this time. During the time loop, the world was going wrong. But this time, the House itself is going wrong, and House doesn't. Go. Wrong. This time, it's chaos.]



[Video functions spit epileptic static: clashing colors and vortices of light intersected by jags blackness and swarms of fractured, Picasso-esque images incongruously mashed together. Half-rendered and amalgamated clips flash by in a stream of consciousness turned into a rushing torrent too fast for the human eye to follow: equations that lead inevitably to a logical breakdown; footage from the remains of a planet glowing with magma and shattered into chunks, twisted and convulsed upon itself by gravity weapons; clinical recordings of graphic and exquisite vivisections, with slick tubing connecting severed limbs back to their bodies twenty feet away or more, bodies destroying themselves under the pressure of deliberately grotesque loops and circuits, clips of the shorn torsos' empty, ragged grunts of despair; a young girl of uncertain ethnicity, in a spartan room outfitted with manacles and medical equipment, glassy-eyed, rocking and babbling, struggling to tear at her skin with nails long since trimmed into oblivion.]

[Sound blares as loudly as each NV's hardware is capable of producing. Dissonant tones pour out constantly, as though someone stomped on every single piano key at once, and they never fade. Shrieks and skitters pulse through it, cheap microphone feedback and the needle scraping over a hundred scratched records, spliced with choppy glimpses of the soundtracks from the bits of old film House found in its banks to try to express brokenness, not even capable of generating or editing it's own message now. Everything is jagged, interrupted by waves of digital noise in both picture and sound, frozen frames, ruined resolution. Error messages flicker on and off as the full extent of the House's panicked transmission temporarily overloads the capacity of so much smaller devices.]

[This is how an AI screams.]

[And throughout the mangled, skipping, cacophonous horror of a broadcast, there are words. Out of order, flashed over the churning pictures or shouted in the flat, toneless manner of a machine no longer bothering with the nuances of mimicking emotive human speech.]

HAPPENING WHAT TO ME WHAT IS WHAT THE WRONG AM MODEL I CAN'T WHY BROKEN FIX

ME FIX MAKE ME STOP IT

STOP MAKE IT MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP



[Special Note to House Residents: Guess what, none of the fancy sci-fi swoosh doors in the House will open while House is freaking out. Any attempts to hack the doors open will get the message described above dumped onto the hacking device. The windows are pretty damn close to unbreakable, being reinforced diamond - your best bet is probably calling a friend who teleports. For the first time since arriving, breakfast is not provided promptly. Things like the lights still work fine on automated subroutine and respond to requests, but any attempts to talk to the House will receive a curt identical statement:]

The House is currently handling dimensional technical difficulties. Regular communication and services to resume at some point to be determined.

[After Loki removes the spell from the House, the doors will function again, and House will respond to any questions.]

[OOC: This message is definitely sent to Unohana, Lucifer (SPN), Mary Winchester, Iroh, Loki, and Magneto. It's not public to the whole network, since I didn't want to ruin everyone's lulz with crazy computer screams early in the morning, but House is not thinking clearly at all after having all its doors magically rearranged by Loki's prank, so if you want your character to randomly receive this wreck of message? Then they totally did. Hopefully Loki will fix the House quickly, so it shouldn't last too long.]

Comments

[thelightbringer]

[It's going to come in handy when he has to go charm Sam Winchester later. Right now though it's just a hedonistic indulgence.]

I really should bring my brother here sometime.

[where_the_hearth_is]

You should! Anyone you'd like to invite is welcome, of course.

[thelightbringer]

When's my next cleaning?

[where_the_hearth_is]

Next week, I suppose, or whenever you get yourself covered in blood again.

You could always just cuddle in the drawing room and listen to music, you don't need an excuse to come, you know.

[thelightbringer]

He'd like the music. I'll have to do that. Maybe tomorrow...

[Content Devil.]

[where_the_hearth_is]

Any time.

[thelightbringer]

[Lucifer tilts his head back and "radio's" to his brother.]

[servingfather]

[Even though it's not important Michael isn't one to ignore a request from his brother so he appears right next to his brother...and right into the shower.]

What is going on?

[where_the_hearth_is]

[New people are so exciting. Lucifer is really good at this comfort thing! =3 In the cheeriest of disembodied voices:]

I am giving Lucifer a bath, and he said he should bring you over to visit, and I said you were always welcome.

Hello!

[thelightbringer]

Get naked. Come in, the water's citrus today. [The shampoo, anyway. Same thing.]

[servingfather]

[Not at all surprised by the disembodied voice.]

Hello. You must be the House.

[It's surprising to see Lucifer in the shower though.]

Why are you taking a bath? [He doesn't strip, too curious to have his question answered first.]

[where_the_hearth_is]

Yes! And you are Michael. Welcome!

[adjusting the various sprays to soak his clothes as little as possible]

[thelightbringer]

Michael, if you don't take off your clothes, it will just wash you with them on. Believe me, it's better this way.

[servingfather]

Thank you.

[That is not answering the question but he strips anyway.]

How many baths has the House given you?

[where_the_hearth_is]

[Very mildly indignant]

I only did that because you so obviously needed it. Your brother is clearly much more conscientious about grooming.

[Not that it's a terribly high bar. Michael, have a cluck of approval. Nevertheless, little drones collect the clothes and send them off to the laundry while hovering scrubbers and shampoo/body wash dispensers shaped sort of like squiddles start soaping Michael up.]

[thelightbringer]

[Lucifer rests his elbows on the edge of the tub and watches, enjoying just how ridiculous bathing looks.]

Give him a massage, too, House.

[servingfather]

[Michael doesn't shower (because it's ridiculous) but the eldest angel does like to keep John's vessel looking like it should. Plus he doesn't go around tearing people apart.]

Lucifer is just messy.

[Okay, this is just weird even though he's not all that self-conscious with his brother staring at him.]

A massage isn't necessary.

[where_the_hearth_is]

They're nice! You should try it.

[And unless Michael objects more vehemently, yes, he's getting one, starting now. Ho hum.]

[servingfather]

[There's no arguing.

Seconds after it starts he's disappearing and reappearing outside of the shower. Even though it's just a sentient House giving the massage it's the most invasive any being has been - and that includes that time at the bowling alley.]

[thelightbringer]

Michael.

[Lucifer is instantly in front of him, soothing, concerned.]

Trust me. Let me do it?

[where_the_hearth_is]

[A few of the scrubbers dip and stumble in the air as he pops away, then scuttle innocuously back into the nooks in the walls they first emerged from. House isn't sure why Michael is upset or what it did wrong, and it falls silent. At home, talking too much - acting like a person - was mostly likely to lead to disapproval. The door out of the bathroom opens hesitantly, even though Michael is still far enough not to trigger the automatic opening subroutine, an awkward apology and House's way of backing off, even though it knows Michael doesn't need the door to leave.]

[servingfather]

[It's nothing to do with how much the House was acting like a person and all about Michael's personal space and how easily ruffled it is. He and Raphael were not the type to touch much and none of the lesser ones dared. So he's slowly becoming used to it through Lucifer.

For a moment Michael just stands there - the thought of leaving hasn't even crossed his mind until the door opens which he looks over towards. Lucifer's words, the House's actions convince him not to leave and he nods silently still feeling rather ruffled.]

[thelightbringer]

[Lucifer takes a step backward, but has a hand out slightly, as though that alone might coax Michael back into the water with him.]

[where_the_hearth_is]

[House knows, theoretically, that some people have personal space issues, but it doesn't really understand or feel as though that applies to it, since it's supposed to be just a thing, even if it's a thing that talks. It closes the door again, a little slower than they usually move, as though faintly self-conscious.]

[servingfather]

[It's Lucifer and because it's Lucifer he allows his brother to lead him back into the water. He knows his brother would never hurt him (not unless Michael started it anyway) and so he does trust his sibling. Though he feels as if they're treating him like a feral animal who might either lash out or flee.]