Kurt Hummel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
showbizpanache) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sirenspull2012-03-21 11:02 pm
showbizpanache) wrote in sirenspull2012-03-21 11:02 pm
Entry tags:
025 // Video + Out of the Darkness posts
[Kurt looks...like shit. The only reason he's doing video is so he doesn't have to speak up to be heard over Voice. The 'little head cold' he said he has turns out to be a big, kind of shitty head cold. He sniffs before talking to the camera.]
I haven't been sick since I was in middle school. I exercise every day. I eat healthy food, I avoid unnecessary human contact, I take vitamin supplements every day before my morning skin care routine... Ugh. [He sneezes.]
Well, the show must go on, as they say.
Anonymous, voice post:
When I was younger… a lot younger, I thought there were these short-cuts to solving my problems. Because I was hitting walls everywhere, I was getting bad grades, I was having problems with my friends and with my family, and the only way I thought I could feel better was making myself feel better with drugs. It was really nasty. I couldn't tell right from wrong or reality from my own imagination, I overdosed twice and I lost some people I really cared about because I wasn't… there to help them or to say goodbye.
I got some help for it. And I felt better than I had in… well, I got my life back on track and I did things I never would have been able to had I not done the work to get myself there, and then I didn't feel as alone all the time. It's not been perfect, and it's not been easy, but I'm alive.
Um… It's easy to get lonely here, and it's even easier to fall back on things that seem like they're going to help you. But taking drugs only made me feel more hopeless and more alone once the high went away, it's not -- it's not a solution. Not a real one. I think everyone has some kind of strength in them somewhere to push on through the temptations, because the easy road only makes the hard things in life even harder. There's a power to it, overcoming something in a way no one might have expected, not even you. You can do it. Life is for living, not for hiding. It can get better.
So, take care of yourselves.
Snake; video post:
[The video plays nothing more than white text on a black background as a young man, even-tempered and cultured, speaks.]
I was blinded in an accident when I was a child. I also lost my left arm. Adjusting to life after that was challenging to say the least. I had to learn to use a prosthesis and navigate the world without sight while recovering from excruciating injuries.
After the accident, many saw me as a dead end to my previously limitless potential. But I kept up hope. My sight was damaged, not my mind. I had faith that with hard work I would easily come into my own. The unconditional love of my younger sister gave me strength, as did my love for her, and my desire to be a good role-model. I knew I had been very lucky to have survived, and I was determined not to squander the opportunity. My potential was still limitless. Faith, Hope, Love and Luck - these philosophies have guided me since those early years. When I encountered dire, deadly situations, I always turned to these beliefs, and used them as a way to lead others. The world can be erratic, distasteful and unwelcoming, but I believed in the strength of the mind... and, while it is a bit of a cliche, the heart. I have always refused to despair when action would be more appropriate, and thus far, I have never found a situation in which despair would have served me better. I have survived every setback, including being kidnapped and experimented on twice. [He's matter-of-fact about it, but brief, it is not something he wishes to dwell on.]
[A pause.] I live my life differently than when I did when I was sighted. But I still read profusely. I work, I attain high marks at university, I go on dates, and I am a good brother to my younger sister. I am every bit as much of a genius and a fine catch as I would have been if I were sighted, and still had my left arm. [His voice takes on an almost arrogant tone.] I actually get a little irritated if people say that my story is inspirational, because as far as I am concerned, I have only done what is necessary to keep living the life I wish to. Blindness is not the same as having my entire life taken from me. It was only a change of situation.
For most of us Siren's Port is a drastic change of situation. It may seem almost impossibly restricting, and it is somewhat understandable to grieve for the life you had before. But living a new and different life is hardly the same as a death sentence. There are many things to do here - things to learn, people to meet, and work to be done.
There is always a way to live on with hope, faith, love and luck. Hold onto those things above all else.
Finn Hudson; video post:
[The video starts with Finn sitting back against the side of his bed. He and the NV are both on the floor, with the NV being propped up by the wall opposite him.] You know, I used to see these videos online all the time at home. Well, videos like these anyway. The 'It Gets Better' videos that you've probably heard about over the network. I never actually thought that I'd be making a video anything like that.
I never really thought I'd be in a place like this, though, either.
[He hesitates. This probably rates pretty low, compared to what some of the other people of the Port have been through but hey, it's his contributation]
I guess every little bit counts or whatever, right?
So, I never really knew my father. I mean, I know who he was, he wasn't like some kinda deadbeat dad or anything, and I know all about him, but I never knew him. He was part of the United States Marine Corp. He died a hero, for his country, so I never even got to meet him. My mom told me stories about him and everything, but it just wasn't the same, you know? Pictures and stories just aren't quite like meeting someone in person.
I always wondered what it was like, having a father. I'd go to my baseball games and stuff when I was a kid, and I'd see the other boys there with their dads, warming up for our practice or our game or whatever, or I'd have to tag along with some other kid and his dad for father son weekends with cub scouts. They always looked like they were having such a good time with their dads and it just seemed unfair that I didn't get that too. It wasn't fair that I had to see them with their fathers but I didn't get to have one of my own. They got to do things with their dads that I just couldn't do with my mom.
I never really told mom, but I hated it. I hated being the only kid I knew without a dad. Well, there were other kids without dads, but no one I knew was really in the same situation, I guess. They could look up their dads and meet them some day. Mine had died overseas in Iraq. The stories and pictures that weren't really enough were all I had, I guess.
The thing is, I guess it kinda worked out, you know? I mean, I still don't have my dad and I never will, and it still sorta makes me angry sometimes but even without one in the house, my mom still showed me what it was to be a man. So did Kurt. He taught me everything my mom couldn't. I feel like they showed me things that my dad never would've been able to.
Despite everything, I'm happy with the way things are, with the way everything turned out. I never really thought of it before, but in a way, maybe I'm luckier than some people. I still have my mom, and now I have a step-brother and step-father. Plus, my dad's someone who can never let me down.
I guess the whole point is that even if everything seems like it sucks, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Maybe there's one of those silver linings somewhere or something. And if not, well, things can always get better.
[...It seems like that's it, and then Kurt adds one more:]
Blaine Anderson; video post:
[The video opens with a relaxed looking Blaine. His hair is damp and curly. He wears a plain, dark colored shirt. He looks like he's just gotten ready for bed and is making the video before settling down for the night.
He's silent for a moment, uncertain. He takes a breath and then begins:]
I thought it would only be fair that I make a video for this. I can't ask other people to share their painful memories if I'm not willing to share my own, can I?
So, here I am, about to get ready for bed and recording a video.
I don't really know if I can talk much about the Darkness and what we face out there every night. There are other, far more experienced people who can talk about fighting real monsters. I think instead I want to talk about what it means to face the darkness that inside of yourself.
These last few months I've been learning what it really means to face the part of myself that I really hate. I've always tried to be someone who was likable, someone that other people knew cared about them, but since I've come here I've felt myself spiraling out of control.
In the end, that lack of control meant that I really hurt someone I love with my whole heart. [He puts a hand on his chest for a moment, and bites his lower lip before continuing.] Sometimes I still can't believe that I fell that far. I put poison in my body and lashed out at the one person I never, ever wanted to hurt.
I've been beaten, attacked, killed... and except for watching someone I care about die, there has been nothing that has made me feel worse. Right after it happened, I was sure I was never going to be able to crawl out of the dark hole that I had dug for myself.
The thing is, that I am. It's slow going, and it's not easy, but with the help of people I care about I'm slowly learning to trust myself again. I found out there were people who care about me, people who would have been sad if I had kept hurting myself.
If I had given up there would be people who would be hurt. I'm important to them, just as important as they are to me.
I think that's what it comes down to. You have to find the people who are important to you, the ones who would be affected if you gave up. No matter who you are, you're beautiful and someone out there knows it.
More than that, though, you have to know it yourself. It's not always easy to remember, but your life means something even after you make mistakes, and even after you think there's nothing left for you, you still have your life.
I used to run away from everything that bothered me. I ran after I was beaten by some class mates. I ran from the Darkness after monsters attacked me. I ran away from even dealing with my death when the Core brought me back. Even now, I'm running away from facing the person I hurt because I'm so scared of looking at his face and seeing only heartbreak that I've caused.
I'm also running away from myself, from the person I am and the person I used to be. Facing the fact of what I've done was the scariest thing I think I've ever had to do.
It's time for that to change. I'm going to focus on making my life better and I'm going to crawl my way out of this darkness. I know I am. And if I can do it, anyone can.
I don't know how much that helps, but if you're going through something like this, I hope you can learn how to crawl out too. Good luck, guys.
I haven't been sick since I was in middle school. I exercise every day. I eat healthy food, I avoid unnecessary human contact, I take vitamin supplements every day before my morning skin care routine... Ugh. [He sneezes.]
Well, the show must go on, as they say.
Anonymous, voice post:
When I was younger… a lot younger, I thought there were these short-cuts to solving my problems. Because I was hitting walls everywhere, I was getting bad grades, I was having problems with my friends and with my family, and the only way I thought I could feel better was making myself feel better with drugs. It was really nasty. I couldn't tell right from wrong or reality from my own imagination, I overdosed twice and I lost some people I really cared about because I wasn't… there to help them or to say goodbye.
I got some help for it. And I felt better than I had in… well, I got my life back on track and I did things I never would have been able to had I not done the work to get myself there, and then I didn't feel as alone all the time. It's not been perfect, and it's not been easy, but I'm alive.
Um… It's easy to get lonely here, and it's even easier to fall back on things that seem like they're going to help you. But taking drugs only made me feel more hopeless and more alone once the high went away, it's not -- it's not a solution. Not a real one. I think everyone has some kind of strength in them somewhere to push on through the temptations, because the easy road only makes the hard things in life even harder. There's a power to it, overcoming something in a way no one might have expected, not even you. You can do it. Life is for living, not for hiding. It can get better.
So, take care of yourselves.
Snake; video post:
[The video plays nothing more than white text on a black background as a young man, even-tempered and cultured, speaks.]
I was blinded in an accident when I was a child. I also lost my left arm. Adjusting to life after that was challenging to say the least. I had to learn to use a prosthesis and navigate the world without sight while recovering from excruciating injuries.
After the accident, many saw me as a dead end to my previously limitless potential. But I kept up hope. My sight was damaged, not my mind. I had faith that with hard work I would easily come into my own. The unconditional love of my younger sister gave me strength, as did my love for her, and my desire to be a good role-model. I knew I had been very lucky to have survived, and I was determined not to squander the opportunity. My potential was still limitless. Faith, Hope, Love and Luck - these philosophies have guided me since those early years. When I encountered dire, deadly situations, I always turned to these beliefs, and used them as a way to lead others. The world can be erratic, distasteful and unwelcoming, but I believed in the strength of the mind... and, while it is a bit of a cliche, the heart. I have always refused to despair when action would be more appropriate, and thus far, I have never found a situation in which despair would have served me better. I have survived every setback, including being kidnapped and experimented on twice. [He's matter-of-fact about it, but brief, it is not something he wishes to dwell on.]
[A pause.] I live my life differently than when I did when I was sighted. But I still read profusely. I work, I attain high marks at university, I go on dates, and I am a good brother to my younger sister. I am every bit as much of a genius and a fine catch as I would have been if I were sighted, and still had my left arm. [His voice takes on an almost arrogant tone.] I actually get a little irritated if people say that my story is inspirational, because as far as I am concerned, I have only done what is necessary to keep living the life I wish to. Blindness is not the same as having my entire life taken from me. It was only a change of situation.
For most of us Siren's Port is a drastic change of situation. It may seem almost impossibly restricting, and it is somewhat understandable to grieve for the life you had before. But living a new and different life is hardly the same as a death sentence. There are many things to do here - things to learn, people to meet, and work to be done.
There is always a way to live on with hope, faith, love and luck. Hold onto those things above all else.
Finn Hudson; video post:
[The video starts with Finn sitting back against the side of his bed. He and the NV are both on the floor, with the NV being propped up by the wall opposite him.] You know, I used to see these videos online all the time at home. Well, videos like these anyway. The 'It Gets Better' videos that you've probably heard about over the network. I never actually thought that I'd be making a video anything like that.
I never really thought I'd be in a place like this, though, either.
[He hesitates. This probably rates pretty low, compared to what some of the other people of the Port have been through but hey, it's his contributation]
I guess every little bit counts or whatever, right?
So, I never really knew my father. I mean, I know who he was, he wasn't like some kinda deadbeat dad or anything, and I know all about him, but I never knew him. He was part of the United States Marine Corp. He died a hero, for his country, so I never even got to meet him. My mom told me stories about him and everything, but it just wasn't the same, you know? Pictures and stories just aren't quite like meeting someone in person.
I always wondered what it was like, having a father. I'd go to my baseball games and stuff when I was a kid, and I'd see the other boys there with their dads, warming up for our practice or our game or whatever, or I'd have to tag along with some other kid and his dad for father son weekends with cub scouts. They always looked like they were having such a good time with their dads and it just seemed unfair that I didn't get that too. It wasn't fair that I had to see them with their fathers but I didn't get to have one of my own. They got to do things with their dads that I just couldn't do with my mom.
I never really told mom, but I hated it. I hated being the only kid I knew without a dad. Well, there were other kids without dads, but no one I knew was really in the same situation, I guess. They could look up their dads and meet them some day. Mine had died overseas in Iraq. The stories and pictures that weren't really enough were all I had, I guess.
The thing is, I guess it kinda worked out, you know? I mean, I still don't have my dad and I never will, and it still sorta makes me angry sometimes but even without one in the house, my mom still showed me what it was to be a man. So did Kurt. He taught me everything my mom couldn't. I feel like they showed me things that my dad never would've been able to.
Despite everything, I'm happy with the way things are, with the way everything turned out. I never really thought of it before, but in a way, maybe I'm luckier than some people. I still have my mom, and now I have a step-brother and step-father. Plus, my dad's someone who can never let me down.
I guess the whole point is that even if everything seems like it sucks, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Maybe there's one of those silver linings somewhere or something. And if not, well, things can always get better.
[...It seems like that's it, and then Kurt adds one more:]
Blaine Anderson; video post:
[The video opens with a relaxed looking Blaine. His hair is damp and curly. He wears a plain, dark colored shirt. He looks like he's just gotten ready for bed and is making the video before settling down for the night.
He's silent for a moment, uncertain. He takes a breath and then begins:]
I thought it would only be fair that I make a video for this. I can't ask other people to share their painful memories if I'm not willing to share my own, can I?
So, here I am, about to get ready for bed and recording a video.
I don't really know if I can talk much about the Darkness and what we face out there every night. There are other, far more experienced people who can talk about fighting real monsters. I think instead I want to talk about what it means to face the darkness that inside of yourself.
These last few months I've been learning what it really means to face the part of myself that I really hate. I've always tried to be someone who was likable, someone that other people knew cared about them, but since I've come here I've felt myself spiraling out of control.
In the end, that lack of control meant that I really hurt someone I love with my whole heart. [He puts a hand on his chest for a moment, and bites his lower lip before continuing.] Sometimes I still can't believe that I fell that far. I put poison in my body and lashed out at the one person I never, ever wanted to hurt.
I've been beaten, attacked, killed... and except for watching someone I care about die, there has been nothing that has made me feel worse. Right after it happened, I was sure I was never going to be able to crawl out of the dark hole that I had dug for myself.
The thing is, that I am. It's slow going, and it's not easy, but with the help of people I care about I'm slowly learning to trust myself again. I found out there were people who care about me, people who would have been sad if I had kept hurting myself.
If I had given up there would be people who would be hurt. I'm important to them, just as important as they are to me.
I think that's what it comes down to. You have to find the people who are important to you, the ones who would be affected if you gave up. No matter who you are, you're beautiful and someone out there knows it.
More than that, though, you have to know it yourself. It's not always easy to remember, but your life means something even after you make mistakes, and even after you think there's nothing left for you, you still have your life.
I used to run away from everything that bothered me. I ran after I was beaten by some class mates. I ran from the Darkness after monsters attacked me. I ran away from even dealing with my death when the Core brought me back. Even now, I'm running away from facing the person I hurt because I'm so scared of looking at his face and seeing only heartbreak that I've caused.
I'm also running away from myself, from the person I am and the person I used to be. Facing the fact of what I've done was the scariest thing I think I've ever had to do.
It's time for that to change. I'm going to focus on making my life better and I'm going to crawl my way out of this darkness. I know I am. And if I can do it, anyone can.
I don't know how much that helps, but if you're going through something like this, I hope you can learn how to crawl out too. Good luck, guys.
private;
Yeah, yeah. It's really great- it must be so cathartic for the people making them.
They're really helpful to people who need to hear that message.
[Speaking strictly hypothetically, of course.]
You should be proud of yourself.
no subject
[Pause.] Did you...have something you wanted to share, Ms. Mary?
no subject
I don't know. [Nnngh fickle.] Blaine's just really got to me.
no subject
no subject
no subject
I think it would be best if he went home. I want that for him. Not to--to die, of course, absolutely not. But to be just...sent home.
He would be so much happier. So much healthier. This place has always been so hard on him.
[He isn't sure why he's telling Mary this. Well, maybe he does. Out of everyone he's talked to in the Port, she's the one who seems the most...well, like a mom. He's not used to having one of those.]
no subject
Yeah. A lot of people have a hard time here. You know, it's very mature of you to want that for him instead of wishing he could stay near you.