Blondie gets a prize, but no candy corn for you, Problem Sleuth. Can't you tell I fell straight down from heaven?

[The Texan accent might give it a little bit away. Still, he's got more important things to worry about than whether or not the girls can tell he's from the South.

This chick is basically girl John. She's John Egbert with tits. And didn't her name start with a J? And she's from Wherever-the-Hell, Washington state?]

You got a last name to go with that obviously coincidental address?