sirenspull | 3 [Text]

I am not slaughtering a duck in my bathroom.

Obviously not.

Kill it outside. All you need is a stick, really. Haven't you done this before?

No.

Oh. Well.

You just lay the duck out, put the stick over it's neck, one foot on either side of the duck, on the stick, then take it by the legs and yank up. Head comes clean off.

H-H-How do you even know that?! Actually, I really don't want to know how you know because that's disgusting and horrible and you shouldn't be telling anybody to do things like that! If he doesn't want it he can give it to somebody else! There's plenty of stuff to eat here that's not alive, so you really shouldn't give people ideas like this, because killing is bad! It's really mean and that sounds like it would hurt a lot and nobody would be happy and everything would be really, really, really gross!

It is not as though I would do it to a person. Besides, ducks are rather good when cooked the proper way. Juicy, even, not as bland as chicken or gamey as other foul often is. Killing is only bad when it is done without a reason to mortals or others races. It is not as though you have anything to worry about.

Yeah, well, lots of different kinds of fruits and vegetables are way better when you make them right, so you should eat those instead because they're healthier and you wouldn't have to kill anything! And it doesn't have a reason, because there's tons of other things you could eat, and killing is bad all the time, anyways! A-And I do have stuff to worry about, because birds are really nice and I have a lot of them and they never did anything wrong, so it's not fair!

Killing is no bad.

And if we should not eat birds, then why are they so delicious?

It is so!

They aren't! And even if they were, you still shouldn't!

Oh em gee. You are a vegan, are ou not? The internet warned me about these, but I thought those memes were exaggerating. This is exciting.

...What?

Vegan: a mortal that does not eat meat and vehemently verbally attacks others who do.

I'm not attacking you, jeez!

Are so! I feel attacked. Victimized. Tonight I shall cry into my pillow after eating some of those ducks wandering around.

You will not, and leave them alone!

Nope. Going to cook them all.

On a serious note, Ahiru... why are you so vehement about it? Did a duck save your life?

Because you shouldn't kill them when there are other things you can eat that won't have to die!

That's not a good reason. I hope you know this.

How is that not a good reason?

Because it is mortal reasoning and even mortals need to eat meat.

Nobody needs to!

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I am not doing that, what if it has diseases?!

Ah. Mortals.

No, sensible people. Do you know how many diseases the average bird could carry? I'm going to have to decontaminate my entire apartment because of this intruder.

Diseases that affect mortals. Thus, ah, mortals.

You truly live your life in fear of disease? How boring. Live you in a bubble, then? I saw a movie about someone who did that.